So, this is a big cliche. It's like the stuff you see on soap operas. We've been together for 10 years, married for 7, and my husband is cheating on me with multiple people. It started while I was pregnant with our second child. He met these random local women on Reddit, and it's been going on for over a year since my first trimester. I just found out because he's been acting weird for a while now, so I looked through his phone. He claimed he hadn't had sex with any of them, just kissing and fondling, and he did it as a way to escape, I guess, from me and our life together. I don't know if I believe the no-sex part. All this was happening while I was having nonstop morning sickness, sleep-deprived from pregnancy, going to endless OB-GYN appointments alone, had a C-section with a major cold, and postpartum recovery while taking care of a newborn 24/7 on maternity leave. We have a beautiful 6-year-old and a perfect 4-month-old together. They're the light of my life, and I don't want to raise them in a broken family. At the same time, whenever I look at my husband, I feel sad, disgusted, angry, disappointed, and embarrassed. Should I go, or should I stay? Our TCs are more or less the same, with my TC and net worth being slightly higher, and we didn't have a prenup. We also live in a relatively HCOL area, so one person's TC isn't enough to raise two kids and own a house comfortably. For anyone who's had a cheating spouse with whom you've invested years of your life and have children together, if you stayed, how did you overcome this? For anyone in the same situation who left, what was the process like? Is there an advantage in terms of custody, childcare, alimony, and asset division due to the cheating? Should I collect evidence of the cheating? I live in Maryland, by the way, and I looked up MD is a no-fault-based state, so that sucks.
I stayed for my son. Currently regret it as it’s happening again a couple years later. Divorce is inevitable. Hoping it’ll be civil when it happens.
No it’s not. Sorry your case turned out like that but it does mean it’ll happen in all relationships where one partner cheated. Some relationships can be salvaged and get back to a very healthy status
Tell me, how can it be salvaged? Where was it while they were cheating? Even if it is the case, why would one want to live with such a person! It's sad to see some people even upvoted! If somebody is a thief/a murderer, sure, they might not do it again, but there should be consequences. They should be behind the bar, one, to ensure they recorrect their behavior and two, to keep away from the normal society who might be harmed otherwise. Similarly, you should stay away from cheaters. One, to save yourself from further damages, two, they're not worth it even if they remain in that relationship!
I would advise leave and raise kids separately. He for sure don’t deserve you. You can absolutely raise your kids in Maryland alone.
Sorry you’re in this situation. My advice is to have him acknowledge his wrongs and do everything to make amends (such as an open door policy to his phone and other private channels of communication). One might say, a relationship without trust is not worthy to be a relationship. I say the trust has been broken, but you can give him the chance to repair it, for you and your kids. If after all these measures he continues to cheat, then get a divorce. Your mental health shouldn’t be taken for granted. Don’t have the mentality that you have to suffer so that your kids don’t get raised in a broken home. A man that doesn’t respect the mother of his kids probably has little love for the kids
Start discussions with an attorney. They would be able to provide you the best legal recourse for your situation.
Is he Indian?
It happened to my close relative. Her husband cheated on her but she decided to forgive and move on for the sake of her children. It’s been many years since that episode and life is back on track. However it’s a personal decision and leaving is also an equally viable option.
its natural for guys to want to blow off a little steam, OP needs to have empathy
Then such men should be set free from marriages and should provide child support. Divorce is inevitable. Sorry that some of you grew up seeing men who cheat and now that has become acceptable for you all. However there are still people who wouldn’t want their children becoming comfortable with their parents’ infidelity
Is he treating you well? Meeting your needs? Seems like that's the real problem If he is, let him have done fun, blow off some steam
How willing is he to change? What was his solution to fixing this problem? I say that because you forcing him into counseling is just a band aid. He needs to know he screwed up and want to change and want to go to counseling. Sometimes, someone needs to feel the pain to realize change is needed. If you leaving him doesn’t push him to take initiative, he’s worth leaving.
“He claimed he hadn't had sex with any of them, just kissing and fondling, and he did it as a way to escape, I guess, from me and our life together. I don't know if I believe the no-sex part.” Yeah. I don’t know why the no-sex part matters when he has admitted to basically cheating on you.
I am sure he had sex with at least one of them
Time to go to a lawyer. Not blind. You surely can afford and this is definitely a big enough event to save you mental trauma