Get off of a one-sided relationship/crush/whatever

Google
hi🙂

Google

PRE
Uber
BIO
SWE, NYC
hi🙂more
Jan 28, 2019 15 Comments

Not a question - just a confirmation to anyone out there who might be in the same situation.

It’s possible! :)

We met via friends and happen to work in the same office.

I used to be super excited about “running into” them at breakfast, or lunch, or dinner or coffee bar (Thanks, Google, for the free food!)
I was always attentive and tried to initiate conversations, suggested fun activities, etc. I did nice things for the person. I used to check their moma page once in awhile just to see their face. I used to glance at their status on hangouts often just to see if they’re online/in office.

It was a lot more than a crush - it lasted about 2 years and would have lasted longer had I not decided to do something about it.

The reaction I got was mostly vague - not really “yes”, but not really “no” or withdrawal, which would have indicated a definite “no”.

Some hard lessons learnt:
- if you can’t tell if it’s a yes, then it’s a no. Trust me, you will know if someone is interested.
- it’s not easy to turn off your feeling but it’s possible: make the distance, go out of your way NOT to meet the person, cut the “stalking”. It’d be super hard the first day, but then it gets easier.

Someone told me this, you don’t actually love someone more than yourself. You love and want to be with someone because that would make YOU happier. That means you love yourself more. Cynical as that might sound, believe it! Now you just need to make sure you execute it correctly.

comments

Want to comment? LOG IN or SIGN UP
TOP 15 Comments
  • Cognizant APIPM
    It took you 2 years?
    Jan 28, 2019 4
    • Google
      hi🙂

      Google

      PRE
      Uber
      BIO
      SWE, NYC
      hi🙂more
      OP
      Honestly I don’t think anyone would wake up every morning and decide “I’m gonna go waste someone’s time and energy”. I do believe, however, people can be selfish and want to keep some backup options.
      Jan 28, 2019
    • Cognizant APIPM
      Agreed, some people are selfish
      Jan 28, 2019
  • Microsoft 4655434b
    Diaries of a stalker?
    Jan 28, 2019 1
    • Microsoft 4655434b
      Thank you, fixed
      Jan 28, 2019
  • Microsoft JNwy13
    You still did much better. Most folks here fall in love with married folks.
    Jan 28, 2019 0
  • Google / Eng L4Dream
    Going through a same kind of thing right now OP. Thank you for the post! :)
    Jan 28, 2019 0
  • Intuit EC
    You know that’s called? Growth
    Jan 28, 2019 0
  • OneMarket ri0ts
    Right ✋ always wins.
    Jan 28, 2019 0
  • Indeed tookerjerb
    Sounds like you grew and handled things in a really positive and mature manner. Good on you, op.
    Jan 28, 2019 0
  • Google / Eng Bluths
    Good for you. One way to avoid wasting two years is to have multiple options rather than pursuing the fantasy of that one perfect person.
    Jan 28, 2019 0
  • Oath jamoora
    Good you learnt the lesson. The sooner the better.
    Jan 28, 2019 0
  • VMware kungfu!
    This is good advice. One sided stuff is a waste of your time and mostly doesn’t work out. Upto you if you want to pursue that little chance that it might actually work.
    Jan 28, 2019 0

Salary
Comparison

    Real time salary information from verified employees