How to be more social and 'cool'?
Like most tech nerds, I'm shy in groups and don't express myself well enough. I can pull off a 1 on 1 conversation, but when in a group, I'm very shy and don't utter a word. In general life, I'm happy, not stressed and fun but on the outside, I come off as an antisocial douche. Can someone tell me how they overcame this? Any class/course/activity/trick/exercise? TC- 168k YOE- 4
I've grown out of it and am generally outgoing and not afraid to break the ice anytime. What helped me is to just have a laugh and not be afraid to look stupid. Life is too short to worry about things. Just smiling and being approachable goes a long way..
Thanks, but how to have a laugh? Sorry for this weird followup question, but I'm too shy to laugh without thinking what everyone's thinking? I know it's stupid but can't break out of my shell
Dropbox is right. You are unwilling to accept yourself in front of others . The moment you drop the notion that you care what others think of you. You will let your guard down . You need to realize what's the worse that can happen at the worst you don't have to pretend to be someone else any longer.
You’re not alone
Do the work to understand what is happening for you internally in group situations. What are you feeling? What are you telling yourself? Why? Example: do you believe that you are going to be dismissed as « not smart enough » if you contribute to the conversation? If so, why? Unpack enough of that stuff and develop new beliefs, and you’ll find yourself functioning in a way that is most authentic and comfortable for you.
Thanks Docusign, maybe that's a good way I can start. I'm just afraid I'll be dismissed and come off as a useless part of group who says meaningless stuff
You are happy and relaxed, so you have no need to be social. That is not your problem. Instead, it should be your bless. If you are in need of something, and thus motivated and ambitious, you will get more social. Well, to be cool, that is a totally different domain. You could start to be cool by pressing the like button. Yea
Lol
Not being social is eats me up every time I come out of a party or social gathering
Realize that many other people feel like you do and will be happy to have you reach out of initiate a conversation. Speaking out in small group is fine, you don't need to be center of attention in a large group. You'll notice that's usually one or two people anyway...
Make more money and then social issues won’t matter to you
Maybe it will catch up back when you have too much excess money
It gets better with time and practice, don't expect a miracle turnaround. 1. Be comfortable with who you are. No one will like you if you don't like yourself. You'll relax and be more in the moment. People will notice that. 2. Don't be pessimistic. People are drawn to positive vibes. 3. See a therapist if you're unhappy. Lyra is an easy way to find one. 4. Find your tribe; not the people who you think you need to be with to be "in." This part can be hard but be available, say yes, and find opportunities to meet people. Best of luck, many of us are going through it with you.
It helps to have some topics in mind to talk about. If you're talking to a complete stranger, news/current events, new movie/TV show, something interesting you saw on the internet/walking around, something mundane that's been bothering you recently (like an annoying person that you can tell a funny story about) etc. Also, have some opinions and reasons for your opinions. Many people love debating things (that aren't politics or religion) and people like other interesting people who make good observations and are able to talk well
Here are two concepts I use: 1) I tend to rehearse in my mind: “what can I say that will move this conversation “forward”? Sometimes small groups conversations run out of added value, despite the constant chattering. In those moments, you might have space to take the conversation in an interesting direction by promoting a good question, insight, or story. You don’t have to carry the convo on after that moment, but you will have contributed! 2. Consider thinking of ways you can ask questions of others that center on their experiences. Crudely speaking, “ppl like to talk abt themselves or what they care abt”. A common go to I like to ask is: “any interesting work/home projects you’re working on now?” Gets the group going w/o centering on me
Drugs and alcohol
This guy gets it
I'm looking for literally any advice but that