Hey all, Unfortunately, this is not my first post of the sort. Several months ago I posted about my abusive boss who gaslighted me and humiliated me in front of the team. You guys told me to start looking around and so I did. Problem is that I didn't manage to get hired elsewhere, I think because I have less than 2yoe and only six months at current startup and was looking mostly at big tech. Got a bunch of referrals and some recruiter calls, but it seems this was exactly as the hiring freezes began. Meta told me I didn't have enough experience... Right after their stock tanked massively. I didn't manage to get any interview. So I just decided to hold steady until I got my rsu, which is still in a few months. It started going great between my boss and I for like a month and a half. He started coming back to me to pitch ideas like he did before. He welcomed my project ideas. He started respecting me as a good engineer again. Until very recently. He basically decided to start gaslighting me and humiliating me again. Telling me my new project should be done by next week even though we kicked it off last week and it's supposed to last a month. He kept telling me in front of everyone that I needed to speed up. I think four our five times within ten minutes. He kept criticizing my design choices in front of everyone out of the blue even though we had gone over the design earlier together and I had already built a prototype that works (and that can easily be scaled back to what he now wants). In front of everyone, he kept tearing into my planning for another project I'm on even though I ran it by him. I just looked at the issues history and he moved the issues back and forth between the sprint and backlog and accused me of bypassing him to introduce scope in the sprints. I feel like he lives in another reality. He accuses me of diverting engineer time even though he did the scoping. What the fuck do I do? The whole tech industry is crashing and I feel like I'm going to be stuck with this shit boss for months or years still. BTW, we have no HR because we're a startup. Blind tax: YOE: 2 Base: 120k RSU: probably worthless since the company has no future with a boss like this. #depression #mentalhealth
I can’t comment on your boss without knowing the circumstances but if you want to get better at what you are doing you should be ready for open feedback. As long as the language is polite.
I am open to feedback, but this was not feedback. He was basically berating me for something he did. It was very strange. And the only time he commented on something technical, he was basically just letting the other people know he didn't like my solution. He didn't provide any feedback. He said "Btw the solution you came up with is not great". That's the extent of what he said and it was completely unprompted.
I can offer advice for cash. Feel free to DM
Why is he gonna pay you when he can just ask people here for free lol
Sure. As if they are going to give good advice?? Usually people at blind give extreme advice. Go for it. No one gives good advice for free. Would you do it for free?
Why stay?
Because I can't find anything suitable and I don't have the means to not have a pay.
Be polite and keep looking.
You might not be able to get into big tech right now, but seriously … keep looking. If you stick it out, don’t expect things to get better (they will probably get worse) and don’t expect that you’ll keep your job (he might just fire you 🤷) Abusive bosses will wreck your mental health. Not worth it even in this economy imo
Thank you for the advice. Everytime he experiences a little bit of stress, he snaps, regardless of the situation. He's done that to others. He's fired one and another quit.
Sounds like you're in a tough situation. I was too a few years back. This can be tough mental health wise, but hang in there. I think you should just focus on interviewing and getting out of the situation for real. When you make the jump try to get a gap between so you can really sit back and take a breather. Read a book, play some games. There's still a lot of jobs out there and remote work is as popular as ever. Bro, you can find a job right now.
Thanks for your advice, it's appreciated!
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Can you switch teams? Meet with your skip and explain that you’re finding it hard to stay motivated with the constant barrage of harsh feedback? Startups let managers go all the time. Maybe your skip hates your manager and is looking for ammo.
There is only one team and the boss is a co-founder
Find another job. Maybe you’ll need to lower your expectations from Meta, but anywhere is going to be a better place to move up from than somewhere you’re tagging posts with #depression. Good luck to you