Two incidents that deeply affected me: 1) Lost a friend in road accident in college. Our entire class except few couldn’t attend the funeral. The street he used to live denied entry of dead body. Not sure if it was caste or some religious festival. Note: he doesn’t belong to the bottom most caste. I later came to know that his caste was neither elite nor the bottommost. His dad was senior manager in a nationalized bank. 2) the girl I confessed my love, rejected my proposal. I was fine with it. She was in love with another guy in our class and that guy is product of inter caste marriage. His parents gave all liberty to him as well. But in her house she was hiuse arrested when they came to know it (this happened in 2011). Later she ditched the guy and went with the guy her father chose. I realized the only way to fight against caste system - A) I will never look someone’a caste and decide on anything B) I don’t even want to know what caste someone belong to. Ignorance is pure bliss. I don’t even want to know the hierarchy yada yada yada. I will neither mention mine. I saw nasDaily YouTube shirts, where in Algeria they say “it doesn’t matter” when someone asks other religion and people live in harmony. C) I will bring up my kids wherever I live, by not mentioning anything about caste D) I will marry only outside my caste so that the issue starts dissolving. Example on those lines: My mom comes from city A and my dad comes from city B. Whenever people asks, what’s your native - I say both places. Diversity creates dilution of issues like caste. My stand is even if I find a girl who fulfills all my criteria (10/10), if she is in my caste I will reject her. But my friends say it’s stupid. But my view is, if I wanna advice others I should live by that example. Otherwise what’s the point. Now my question is, I deliberately want to marry outside my caste, because 1) I wanna live as an example 2) that’s one strong way of fighting against it. Your thoughts ?? #misc 500k
I feel you got caste thing totally wrong. Fighting against caste means being humble to any human being irrespective of caste. Even when we go to other countries, why do we still tend to stay close to Indians ? Because we feel comfort, we have so much in common. It’s the same way in marriage too, people tend to recommend to marry same caste because we will have comfort. If you feel like you have loved someone from other caste, then it’s a different thing. You can fight for her. Don’t try to mix different things.
Honestly living in Bay Area, I chose to live in East bay where Indians are less. I hear this view on compatibility by marrying in same caste. I respectfully disagree. Matrimony website owner Murugavel Janakiraman said, “if company can look for culture fit, it is same as marrying within same caste”. I was chewing that thought like bubble gum for days and found a fitting reply(at least in my opinion). People move from company to company and even they initially don’t find culture find they adapt for it later. I’m not ready to believe everyone who got into Amazon has 10/10 on leadership principles. Some got those traits as it is company gene and as a crowd when everyone in the company does it you also start doing it. It’s as simple as that. My uncle gave same BS reason. He was also castiest glad my cousin is now engaged to other caste guy and they fell in love. Also, if you want trait A, personality B(doing social service, clam and composed, respectful), profession C(dentist) - you can find the same set of traits and personality + profession in any race or ethnicity or caste across world. It’s not like it’s available only in this caste.
Vmware reply is classic elite status quo. Wont feel same way, if he was the one denied things based on his caste.
Thanks
Dude reach out to therapy
I did ask this question to two different therapists. But I asked along with my other questions. I actually forgot what their response was. That means if their session was great I would have remember it till now.
Best way of fighting against caste would be to eliminate caste based reservation
Respectfully disagree. My relatives and dad - whom I have seen as forward thinkers, my uncle is Mnagaign Director in a publicly trading Indian company. He had helped lot of people to get job. But once he said, “see, we are not against caste but different caste have different life styles”. Then from his daughter I came to know he wasn’t allowing her to marry outside our caste. Finally after one year of fight she won. At least now my uncle regained my love for him because his final decision was good. My dad is still an asshole.
What does that story have to do with caste based reservation
You are actually propagating the caste discrimination by making it part of so many decisions. If you want to avoid caste discrimination then please treat each person as an individual and not reduce them to their generic demography. Also, I’m not sure how these two incidents can deeply affect you. But in either case if you want to help end caste discrimination and not just virtue signalling for appreciation from the western folks please read up about the origin and history of caste system in India.
“You are actually propagating the caste discrimination by making it part of so many decisions.” - 1) not so many decisions. Just one 2) but that one decisions could have serious implications like A) my kids will also be labeled that they are part of that community no matter how much I fight against caste system after my wedding. 4) I’m not propagating discrimination on my decisions, rather using the destructive tool(caste) to destruct the tool(caste) itself and be constructive(a caste free society). 3) “But in either case if you want to help end caste discrimination and not just virtue signalling for appreciation from the western folks please read up about the origin and history of caste system in India” - honestly I have less time to read. But I don’t think we have to read history, because a) the cons of caste system is super high today compared to the pros of it. B) same goes for dowry system. If we read history their might be one or two convincing points to continue practicing dowry/caste. So not knowing is better c) if we read and come across strong points it’s again polluting your mind and you MIGHT convince yourself to continue seeing it. D) I’m not virtue signaling as my identity is not revealed. So either the appreciation or the trolls I get goes just to this post. Dot
Dude, I don’t think I can convince you of anything on an anonymous 🐑 rearing forum. From your rambling wall of text you seem like someone trying to do good but have no idea where to contribute so picked something that caste that people in the west are familiar with, but have no idea of what a caste is, it’s origins, evolution, it’s evils beyond a very superficial understanding. All the best!
god forbid, what if, you end up unhappy in D) intercaste marriage? will it change your outlook towards caste based discrimination then? a) b) c) are a good start as a fight against caste system.
Being happy or unhappy could be an outcome in either same caste or inter caste marriage. Choosing the criteria is pre-marriage. It’s purely someone’s choice. Being happy or unhappy depends on how compatible the prospective partner is. But while choosing that prospective partner I wanna search in a pool outside my community.
I really admire you for putting out your thoughts here. All those comments suggesting you to be caste agnostic will probably come from the place of previlige. Even I use to think like I'm caste agnostic but I realised that, being caste agnostic itself is a previlige/option which lies only with UC. I do think inter caste marriage is one of the great option to break the caste system. In the other hand, marriage is a sacred relationship. If you marry someone to validate your social values that may not be fair to your partner. Looking for compatibility in social values is different. You can consider other options to fight this evil, ->if possible you can financially support lawyers or activists or journalists who are actually working on the ground to fight this. -> Talk about caste related issues, miss conception or lack of understanding about the gravity of the situation among the majority through your SM. People/friends will eventually find one or other to call you hypocrite or they may not care at all about whatever you have done, so you don't need to worry about practicing everything what you are preaching rather your actions should come from a place to fight the evil in the best possible way
“In the other hand, marriage is a sacred relationship. If you marry someone to validate your social values that may not be fair to your partner. Looking for compatibility in social values is different.” - in arranged marriage most people chose “compatible partner” within their community with certain qualities, hobbies(travel, photography etc.) profession. I’m deliberately choosing outside my community a “compatible partner” with certain qualities, hobbies(travel, photography etc.) profession. What’s wrong with it?
Definitely there's nothing wrong with it, it's a great option in an arrange marriage set-up.
TC or GTFO
Easy there. The man has suffered.
He asked my thoughts. That's my thought: TC OR GTFO