I don’t want a second child, husband does. How do I fool him to believe we can’t have second one?
I have a 5 year old, I have been trying for a second one since 1.5 yrs. I recently suffered a loss in 8th month of pregnancy- it was hard to recover. My husband wants to try again as we both are around 35 and he thinks Biological click is ticking. I don’t want to try for number of reasons- 1. I am tired and don’t want to go through it again 2. My husband never helped much with housework while I was pregnant- he keeps saying he will do but never does it- so I end up doing it. I have most responsibilities of my son too. 3. He will call his parents from India saying they will help - who only add to my physical and mental stress but don’t help. I tried talking to him- no point. He doesn’t understand and sometimes does all the drama on how much he dreams of having second baby. My TC 100k, his TC 75k We live in Arizona. Both are on H1B.
Huh?
Meaning? I’m a black man and don’t want to be in anyone’s house except mine. So what does that really means?
Couples counseling. He needs to get the message.
At the end of the day it’s your body. If you’re not ready, just don’t do it. Period. You don’t have to fool him. Just say it.
This
Oh dear. I am sorry for your loss. I understand your concern. He wants a working wife but he should understand he needs to contribute to running the house. Probably his family raised him that way 😑 If it was me I would be honest with him. I left my husband because of this problem. You need to be bold. Having a kid is a big decision and if you don't feel ready than you are not ready!!!
Get your parents to come and help
Even if my parents want - they can’t stay here for 9 months pregnancy plus after baby few months- max visa allows is 6 months
You don’t need help in the first months of your pregnancy
I am guessing, based on some clues, that you are Indian. Typically the woman's parent show up during such times, which itself is a huge deterrent for a (Indian) man. If you can negotiate that part, you may win.
Well my parents came for first baby. Even if they come, it would be 6 months. Rest of the time I have to do it
Really? In laws aren't deterrent!!? Not for Indian men in US. Many consider it a relief because they don't have to deal with any household chores. And not to mention, the mother in law will take care of the baby. So the husband will have a peaceful sleep. PS: my wife and I took care of our baby. Not my mother in law.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's completely fine if you're not ready to have another baby now or ever. Honestly, your body may not even be done with recovery from your last pregnancy. Give it time to heal. Even more important, however, you need to take time for yourself and get some pampering in. As far as husband, you guys definitely need to have a heart to heart conversation about all of this and home life. Truly deal with the loss of your child and then look at the future as a solid family of three. Nothing wrong with that, ever.
Having a baby is a mutual decision. So he can't decide that alone. I am guessing from your post that you are trying to find ways to how to break it to him without any fallout. But there is no substitute for cold hard facts and you have to suck it up and tell him how you feel about this decision. Also, remember bringing a new life in this world is no easy chore, so unless both of you are up for it , you have to put your foot down. All the best for your conversation.
Your husband sounds like a TIM - Typical Indian Male raised and spoilt by his Overdotting mother who never let him lift a finger. He won't get your emotional problems or your state of mind. He was raised to be self centered and so he will continue to be that. Either you tell him candidly that you don't want a second child and offer to go through counselling with him or you silently stay on the pill and let him keep trying. I used some harsh words for him I know but I also know it's just the way most Indian men are raised. Your comments about his parents only adding to the work load kind of reinforced my understanding of him.
Well for starters I am a male who was born in India and lived a great deal of his life there. Someone who knows enough couples with same or similar stories unfolding in their lives so kind of knows what he is talking about. How are we doing so far you projecting egomaniac?