I met a girl just a few weeks before I was going to leave LA. We ended up liking each other very much and spent almost every night together. I made her feel like she could rely on me and then I left. To be fair, she was one of the most amazing girls I have meet. My last days in LA I was going to have this huge goodbye party and earlier that day she sent me a wall of text including stuff like: - I feel like a temporary girlfriend for you before you’re leaving. - There is no gain for me if you’re going to leave US and will probably not even contact me. - You invite me to all these dinners and goodbye parties, to show me off to your friends like a trophy? (She was very beautiful and she knows it). Honestly, I was really hurt. That was not my intention at all. I told her on the first date that I was moving and I asked her to consider that. I also ended up liking her way more than I thought I would. She came to the party and she dressed super hot and was more than usual affectionate. At the end of the party it was just me and her, drunk, we said our goodbyes... as I turned around to grab a cab she said “Did I do a good job for you to impress your friends?”. I didn’t respond, grabbed a cab, went home. This made me really angry. Like, who the fuck does she think she is to think that I need a trophy-girl?! Well. When I came home I wrote to her: “You are not THAT special...” together with pictures of my last 3 dates. 1 model, 1 fitness model, and the last one is just some girl that dresses a lot in lace, fishnets and heels. My recent exes take 1000 photos a day on themselves and I have NOTHING to talk about with them... This girl didn’t take a single photo ever - not even the food at expensive restaurants! She was so smart, funny, and interesting. She replied: “Just leave me alone 💔” (5 min later) “😢” Well. It’s been a month and I haven’t talked to her. She can’t contact me in any way because I don’t have my US number and she wouldn’t be able to find me online”. So... I am the only one that has the ability to contact her. NOW TO THE QUESTION: Should I send her flowers? Lilies are her favorite. With a note that says: “Just an apology - what I said was wrong” I want to respect to leave her alone. But I am so ashamed for sending those photos... It would crush my confidence if she did the same to me. It was such an immature and insecure thing to do and I feel like trash. I want her to KNOW that I was wrong. I did wrong. She shouldn’t feel bad or think that she did anything wrong. I know her confidence was already flawed because we once came home from the club and she said “I’m so pathetic that I can’t have sex with you - I feel like I’m ruining your night. I should have let you go home with that girl that came up to you”. SHE WAS ON HER PERIOD!! WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT?!? I kissed her neck, hugged her super tight, and told her to NEVER call herself pathetic again for such thing. TL;DR: I disrespected and offended a girl I cared a lot about and I want to apologize.
The definition of TL;DR.
The reason I am hesitant is because “finding peace within myself” is a selfish act. I want the reason for the flowers to be that SHE feels good about it, not ME. I did a mistake, I identified, I will be a better person next time. That’s enough for me at this moment.
It’s not selfish to me. You know you hurt her and you’re making an attempt to fix it.
Wtf I went through that entire post and saw zero mention of TC? GTFO!
I’m probably average looking - dating models. I don’t know, you figure it out.
Considering you’re “New/Eng” and work in LA where salaries are depressed, I’d guess $110k?
Post this shit on LinkedIn not here
Are you Indian?
No, Scandinavia.
people gotta stop asking that question on every freaking post
Do you really have to ask? It seems like you already know the answer to your question. Giving an apology is an okay thing, it's not a commitment to anything.
Sending flowers would make ME feel great “I’m such a good person!! Woho!”. Receiving flowers from someone that made you feel great, safe, warm - then crushed... Could be pretty annoying. “Why is he trying to be a good person now when he can’t even follow it up?” I will probably end up sending them... Just wanted some perspective first. Because sometimes it’s best to leave things be.
You can always add an apology note to those flowers, just so they don't look like a cheesy "I'm a good person" move. Just flowers without an apology can be confusing.
No. Sounds like you are both fairly toxic people and you should probably refrain from any form of communication with her. Consider therapy.
I absolutely agree that what I said was toxic. It’s also something out of character from me to do. Toxic people do things without realizing or admitting that they did wrong. I would never do this mistake again. She is super nice. But has a tendency of seeing things in a negative way when it comes to her confidence. Which is another reason for why I am still thinking about the flowers... Maybe it’s best to leave it be, maybe it was a toxic relationship - but too short for it to bubble up.
Send those flowers, OP. Do.
Sounds like both of you never grew out of high school
I more or less agree with what you say. But it’s easy to get tunnel vision when there are a lot of emotions involved. The whole thing was setup to fail from the start - we both got too caught up to notice. It’s easy to see that now when the emotions have cooled down.
This isn't tunnel vision. This is both of you being poor human beings. Learn a bit of mindfulness before your next fling.
She knows you were wrong and probably knows you are sorry. The best apology is not to make the same mistake with another girl.
What a major asshat
I’m well aware.