I wish I were East Asian instead of Vietnamese (Southeast Asian)

“East Asia” = Japan, China, Korea God, I hate being Vietnamese (esp when I’m surrounded by all these East Asians, reminding me of how I was born into the worst country) As of late, I have seen a lot of East Asians straight out attacking Vietnamese people here on blind. They call us dark, short, monkeys with the ugliest language on the planet. I’ve even seen my own Vietnamese trying to claim racial blood ties with the Southern Chinese in an attempt to discredit our Southeast Asian bloodline and be East Asian instead. Hey fellow Vietnamese. I understand why some of you want to link the Vietnamese to the South Chinese. I empathize with your feelings, and want you to know that I used to feel the same way, wishing to be East Asian instead of Vietnamese, so I understand. I was raised on Japanese anime(HUGE Toonami addict back in the day) and KPop, with a family who loooved historical Chinese stuff (I used to pretend to be a Japanese girl and transform into Sailor Mercury all the time). In contrast, Vietnam didn't really have anything we could be proud of, neither our economy, our culture, our language, nor our people. As a kid, the last thing I wanted to be was Vietnamese, because compared to the aforementioned three East Asian groups, we were quite a bit more darker-skinned, had more Southeast Asian facial features, shorter, and (I'm ashamed to say this) I also thought we were less cultured. The way I found self-worth was by trying to link the Vietnamese to the East Asians. I mean, we're right under China - we MUST have some sort of genetic link, right? I tried really really hard to find these connections. I looked up studies to try and prove that the Vietnamese were close to Koreans, Chinese, and Japanese people, even when East Asians called me "Vietnamese monkey" at school. Looking back, I knew that this was an inferiority complex. And tbh, I still do have quite a bit of this inferiority complex. The Viet Kieu that I grew up with also all absolutely despised Vietnam, and we wished to be East Asian. The easiest way to do this was by looking to the people in South China, the closest neighbor whom we share a border with. As an adult now, it's sad because I still feel the effects of this trauma. My crush back in 2003 was a hot KPop star. It was 2013 it was a ripped Northern Chinese actor. Im 2023 it was a luscious Japanese athlete. I’ve never felt anything for Southeast Asian men. Vietnam is still far, far behind the three major East Asian countries, and even though I've tried really hard to get approval from East Asians around me, it hasn't worked. I purposely don't hang out with other Vietnamese, because I wanted to show off that I am a "special" Vietnamese who only hangs out with higher-class East Asians. At the end of the day, I've realized that I'm still Vietnamese. I've tried telling people that I'm Korean or Chinese before, and it made me feel much more proud inside, but a lot of times, people didn't even believe me. They told me that I looked way too "Viet", oftentimes with an air of disgust. I've realized that no matter how much I want to be linked to East Asia, it won't happen. Koreans, Chinese, and Japanese will still look down on us and think we're an uncivilized bunch of apes. With that said, I am still very proud to be Vietnamese. I’ll admit: Some times when I’m depressed, I wish I were Korean or Chinese or Japanese, but that’s definitely not all the time. It's a hard pill to swallow, and I can't say that I've swallowed it yet. But, I am slowly trying to find ways to be proud of Vietnam. Did you know that a company from our country, Vinfast, has made it's way over to America and will become the next major leader in EV vehicles? Did you know that sometimes, white people can't tell East Asians and Vietnamese apart? I like to try to take advantage of this fact to tell them that I'm Korean, Japanese, or Chinese. Did you know that Vietnam is slowly becoming one of the greatest economies in the world? Our growth rate is truly something to be admired. I understand why you're trying so hard to link yourself to the Chinese, because I used to be that way. Truth be told, I still kind of am. It's hard to be Vietnamese in the States, especially surrounded by East Asians. But trust me, life does get better, even for us Vietnamese. Sure, we may never be accepted by the Koreans, Chinese, or Japanese. But, we can still watch our favorite movies on Netflix. We can still eat our favorite foods from Vietnam even here in the States. (Ask me where to find the best Bò né !) We might not be able to marry up with an East Asian, but there are plenty of handsome Vietnamese people. I hope you find peace, and I wish for happiness to find all Viet Kieu. We will eventually have something to be proud of as a country; I know it. Just look at our roaring economy! Just to clear one thing up: I AM proud to be Vietnamese. It’s just that sometimes, I wish I weren’t. I wish you the best as a fellow Vietnamese. Việt Nam muôn năm!