Indian marriage - help please!
Hello, I am 32 and have been in a long distance relationship with a woman in India. I recently met her and her family. We have been talking for 3-4 months now. On most cases it seems fine. We were doing video chat for long time. How do I make sure that she is the right woman for me? 1. When I met her, I found dark pimple marks all over her face but that were never revealed in the video chat. 2. She is shorter than what she mentioned to me. 3. She got very charged about woman's issues and got into heated discussion with me in March. I provoked her by making inflammatory statements but she was very much charged. 4. She has 2 sisters and both married. Her elder sister is not happy with her in-laws. Another sister is in the USA. 5. She controls everyone in her family including her mom. On a positive note - 1. She likes me and seems little obsessed with me. 2. She thinks we will have good future together. 3. I can influence her and she seem to listen. I think she is naive on certain aspects. But, I can't tell if this naiveté is fake or real. 4. She speaks same native language as me which is huge boost for adjusting with my parents if and when we live in India. I am really confused having no guidance. My patents are sweet. They worked hard their entire life. I don't want to marry a wrong woman and bring trouble into my life. My parents are educated and do not believe in caste or patrika nonsense. They just want me to get married. I had girlfriend when I was 23 for a while. But, after we broke up I never had one for last 8 years. I was focused on career and have moved a lot when I arrived in the USA. I might be over thinking this as I have more analytical mind. But, I don't know if this is a right decision. I am okay to wait further for the right woman. If you are Indian and got into arrange marriage, I would love to hear how you made the decision. TIA.
Probably look for the kind of company she keeps. I think it gives a good idea of how the person is.
Dude you're falling into a trap. I would stay away from her. I actually feel sorry for you.
Yup. Will control you, throw tantrums everyday and will want you to treat her like a princess for the rest of her life. Run buddy. Run.
She is giving you preference because of 2 things 1. Your current location- USA, 2. Money, not because you are nice and caring, also all the drama of being nice is until marriage and then she will ask who is your parents, why you give more importance to your parents , send them money etc, and fighting starts there and slowly you will be screwed.
Take all the positive things you like about a person and cut them in half and then take all the negative things you dislike about a person and multiply them by 10. If you would still marry them after that exercise, go for it. Otherwise...
Best answer
Wow! Wish I knew this 22 years ago!
See how she is at restaurants and how she is with friends. If she is bossy and controlling she won’t have a lot of friends even if she does they won’t be very close and open with her, you will know the difference. Also you can see if everyone around seems to be afraid of her, is she a joking and take it easy type or is she a serious person all along? Having pimples and being short is not a big deals, pimples can be a temporary thing. But the attitude matters.
You are not thinking about the real issue - how much dowry can she bring?
Also there are alpha males and alpha females but some who think they are alpha but are not, this is the kind that causes trouble.
Whether the woman is right for you is a question which is difficult to answer even after 3-4 years of courtship, especially if you think analytically. You have to take these decisions with your gut; take a leap of faith. Imagine it is your wedding day, you are about to marry her in few minutes, she is approaching you with the biggest smile. Now, what do you feel at this very instant?
Date 10 women before you make any decisions.
But i read this Harvard review article which said 13.
You need to live with her or spend time more in person if possible. Coz there's only so much you can find out about a person over video chat. 3-4 months is nothing. IMO it's better to stay single than get into a bad marriage.
You would probably get better non-trolling responses if you post under the “Relationships” topic.
Done. Thanks!