My (27M) fiancé (27F) and I started living together recently after 4yrs & it’s been harder to communicate during fights

We started dating in Nov 2019 and then lived together until Dec 2020 when I then gf (now fiancé) had to move to a different state for work. LDR was tough as we all know but we made it work and finally after 3 years of struggle to find a job, we finally closed the gap and are together in the same state and started living together. I knew it was going to be a learning curve, I knew there were going to be good days and bad days. And going into it, I was and still am prepared and ready to iron out the kinks so we can both live together happily. Things started off well, but we had a few bad arguments that turned into fights. My fiancé is living in some kind of a bubble where she thinks couples this young shouldn’t have bad fights, this phase we are in should be happy and merry at all the times. And fights and disagreements should only come later in the life (like 5-10 years into marriage). And so often during bad fights, she gives up thinking this is not working out and we would end up divorcing each other. This whole “giving up” narrative is infuriates me in an already heated up situation. I also don’t agree with this being the phase in which we can’t have disagreements or that just bc we are fighting now, we are bound to result in a divorce. I think it’s just a switch that turns off in her mind to think for the worst possible outcome for her and so she can loathe and live in resentment until we patch up. I’ve reflected on things that I do wrong that have led to some fights like: 1) criticizing her for something she said or did, mostly in a social setting. I’m a “think and then say/do” type of a person and my fiancé is a bit impulsive so it sometimes leads to mishaps that puts us both in awkward situations. I’ve criticized her for doing this a few times so now I think I’ve formed this habit of criticizing her after social gatherings. Since the last 2-3 weeks, I’ve actively reminded myself not to trigger her and suppressed what I had to say. 2) I don’t easily forgive and forget. I drag fights on longer than they should be. Partly because I see the same types of mistakes happening again and again, and partly because it’s something I may have advised her on and she still didn’t listen to it and then we find ourselves in a pickle. I’m going to work on these and also on my ego (covered next). Things that I think she does that leads to fights: 1) we are both well respected in our social circles, and people tend to listen to what we have to say. Dare I say, this has artificially boasted both our egos just because we found ourselves in the opportunistic position to share some wisdom/advice to help our friends. I’m very mindful that I’m a flawed individual when talking to others, but I think my fiancé is not. 2) if I bring up her flaw or an issue that in my opinion we need to address, she immediately projects on me and starts giving me examples of how I do the same thing. And then it always ends with her saying “fine I won’t do/say …… that ever”. This “giving up” and not finding another way to address the issue really frustrates me because I want her to fight thru the problem not drop it (yes I’ve communicated this with her). Yesterday I put on this brand new pajamas we bought and came out of the room with the sticker still dangling around. I knew about it, and I was just going for the scissors to cut it, but in front of everyone else she belittled me saying at least cut the sticker off. It was very hurtful and I felt ashamed, I let it go and didn’t throw a fit in front of anyone else. Then she does the same thing today morning when I was getting ready for work, but this time I snapped. Even this time I knew the stupid sticker had to be removed but her bringing it up like I’m a child bothers me a lot. I left after we had a heated argument about this, some back and forth where she told me “I do the exact same” and then “fine I won’t ever tell you how to dress”. On my way to work I get a text saying we should call it quits, we are fighting too much, we will end up divorcing each other, etc etc. This same situation has happened before too when I come out of shower and put the towel down on bedroom carpet, that I’m going to pick it up once I put on some clothes, but she would point it out right then and there and it just throws me off the way she says it. TL;DR: fiancé and I have been fighting frequently after moving in and finding it difficult to communicate without causing damage to our egos. I want to know whether this constant fighting is a learning/adjusting phase that will wear off? And I also want to know how can I bring up topics that I want to address in a manner that we can productively communicate and discuss on? Thank you #dating #relationships #marriage