Parents of Preteens/Teenagers
Is it harder to be a kid now than say 20-30 years ago in your opinion? how is it being a parent to today’s teens? i have a young child, but worry about them going through things I didn’t have to deal with when I was a kid, like when to get them a smartphone, access to (too much) information, social media addiction, lack of genuine connection with others, economic pressure etc. Wondering if there are some tips or advice from parents who are going through it with their kids now and how to help them, so I can keep it in mind for the future.
I'm not a parent but this is something I've been thinking of of late. In my opinion kids should be able to survive without tech. So parents should make sure to not have their kids become dependent on tech/internet for anything. I would rather my future kids be addicted to books or playing outside than on social media or phones.
I'm a zoomer and definitely dependent on tech. I will just lie around if the internet goes down. Good luck getting your kids addicted to books.
I used to be a voracious reader growing up. And I still prefer to read whenever I can. Anyone would take to books if that's their only source of entertainment in life.
it is harder to be a parent as well so don’t worry. no one gets to choose, it is what it is.
Moderation in all things. No need to straight up ban anything, but absolutely put limits on usage. Century old trick to parenting: listen. Pay attention to what the kids are saying and their emotions behind it, even the silly incoherent questions. Establish yourself as the safe source of guidance and harbour. They will come to you for big questions if you have made yourself available for the small/stupid questions. Every parents try their best at their time. Kid may never appreciate it until they're on their own/parents themselves. Just asking these questions show that you're a step ahead and want best for your children already. You've got this :)
Thanks, this is great advice.
So much this. I built my first web site at 12 in 1995, and I owned a domain (that I have to this day) by 2000. While Facebook didn't exist yet, I firmly believe that nothing has fundamentally changed about teenagers in hundreds of years, let alone a few decades. As an adult now, the one thing I wish I had as a teenager online - exposed to way too much and way too little simultaneously - was a parent I could trust to talk to without judging me. All my mom ever instilled in me was that if I came to her about anything, I'd walk away in fear. So I stopped talking to her, and I did plenty of things and had heaps more happen to me that I'm certain I would have been way more prepared to deal with if I had a parent I could trust to have my back instead of trying to undermine it. Nothing about what children deal with today is all that different, so believe in yourself that you can handle it, and work to build a trusting relationship with your child.
If I could change something, I would use a flip phone and banish laptops and tablets while kids are growing. However, every kid is different. My daughter is very well adjusted. She has multiple FB and IG accounts she uses for compartmentalizing her social groups, plus gets good grades and was able to choose a major in college without too much trouble. However my son is a different story. He has developed what can only be called a computer addiction in a bad way. Currently in treatment to wean away from the screen. I wouldn't be surprised if further research reveals a correlation between detectable differences in the brain and trouble coping with screen time.
Unless it's playing endless amounts of fortnite or rocket league I'd say using the computer for creative projects isn't a bad thing.
Kid is deffo on the Fortnite grind
I’m not a parent but as someone that is still unpacking their childhood in therapy, I want to echo another poster’s comment: listen. Don’t assume you know why your child is doing something. Why they act a certain way, hang out with certain people, dress a certain way, or misbehave. There is almost always a reason behind every decision, even if they aren’t conscious of it. Example: I was deeply depressed in high school so I did “bad” things to literally feel something - anything. I also was falling out of religion (while at a catholic school in a catholic household). So, I figured if one small thing was “sinning”, why not do everything. I was going to be judged anyways. Instead of actually asking me about all this, my parents labeled me a bad kid, slut-shamed me, and othered me with my siblings. That shit snowballed into much more lol.
Very relatable. Thanks a lot for your insight.
I think a lot of parents struggle with their kids because they forget that they are just younger people. Talk to them like they are a person and not just your child. When they are teenagers, you're basically a manager. Do you want to be a micromanager or help them develop into the person that they want to be?
Might sound cheesy but I encourage you to read the Five Love Languages. Read it and figure our early what fills your kids tank. Do that! Whether its encouraging words, 1 on 1 time, etc figure it out. Your kids will have similar emotions, but the experience that drives those emotions might play out differently. Communication and quiet time is a lost art. Make sure they know how to mentally be still and read and can communicate without a screen. Keep a 'screen free' time like Sundays where the family has to just be present. Read, do board games, hike...but just find ways to be together. Social issues and popular hobbies and dress codes might be different but much of what you dealt with from a social and emotional aspect is still very much the same. Lastly...FIND SOMETHING you can do 1 on 1 with each kid. Even if YOU dont enjoy it. If it creates a bond for them do it. My kids love language is time. So even though my wife HATES video games...she will play with the kiddo for an hour or so few times a week and he is on cloud 9 after for a good couple days.
Omg I love this.
It sounds like you guys are killing it as parents, thanks for the great tips and encouragement.
Omg I just read your username. A+
What is so good about it
Look it up. There's books about how new technology / societal norms are destroying our teens that were written in ancient greece. It's just people thinking over and over "waaait but this time it's different!! "
Ok boomer
I'm a millennial :P
I like your user name
Social media is the best, continue building it for your children to use
Lol yeah, it’s a conundrum. I enjoy working at Facebook and we do undoubtedly contribute positives to society like connecting people to likeminded groups and helping small and medium businesses thrive and grow, but the pervasive and addictive nature of social media is a definite huge downside. Especially for vulnerable groups like children and teens. FB and IG are thinking through these problems though like experimenting with taking away likes, but these are tough questions that I don’t see going away any time soon- even if Facebook were to disappear, people aren’t giving up social media anytime soon... it goes hand in hand with today’s technology.
Facebook contributes positives to the society. well said.