35/F from NYC working at Amazon. Been in a 3 year relationship with an amazing man who proposed somewhere in between. The catch is that he’s divorced with a kid under 10yrs old and lives in a small town of Maine. Before we ring the red flag alarm, let me just say he is one of the most smart, loyal, educated, honest, reliable and respectable people I’ve ever met. He works a job in law and needs to remain there bc of kids mom. Maine is green and beautiful however there are little to no opportunities and almost no transportation to shoot around. He has a big house and yard. It feels like the American dream and he is ready to start life with the type of partner he deserves. However I struggle to find dynamic like minded people like me to make friends with and feel far from my family and home. He is about an hour away from any major city and pace of life is slow and quiet. My heart often aches for my family and friends, it is what I know. He is at the make it or break it point with me and does not want to continue our relationship unless I am able to start life with him. Do I take the leap of faith or continue my expensive and burn out culture nyc lifestyle? PS I have dated plenty in this city and find it very difficult to find someone truth worthy who actually has the time to commit. Everyone here is always another swipe away from their next date and are not really marriage minded. I fear giving up what I have and being lost in this wild awful world of dating. I do want kids and time for me is running fast. #dating #marriage
You will be the next ex-wife.
Do you see yourself settling down or do you want to be single always?
I want kids
You need to spend time with him in person. 1 person spends time with the other or you go on vacation with him
He wants to put you in a position where you need to move to him but that would directly compromise your ability to provide for yourself? Have you two discussed how he will be providing for you and how he will be supporting you maintaining your employability in Maine? If that is not his mindset, he sounds like he just wants to take advantage of you and have his cake and eat it too. Love wants what is best for the other person. Real men want to provide for their partner. A man who wants to make sure he has the upper hand in the situation isn’t showing love.
Opinions like this are why people look to date in Maine 🤡
Men always get really angry and defensive when women start quantifying worth and cost 🤡
So interesting. I feel like for me if I wanted to be with someone and they had to be in a location due to their kids probably I would look for a well paying remote job and move out to join them but I’m pretty flexible and know I can enjoy ALMOST anywhere I live. Because you seem unsure I’d figure out why first. Maybe you can try to spend a month out there using a combination of PTO and permission from your manager ?
This gives "This guy is a solid option and I'm afraid I can't do better" vibes. As someone suggested, you should probably go there for a few weeks and see how compatible you are. To me it seems like you two have incompatible lifestyles. It also seems like you are with him out of fear more than love.
if you cannot decide, the answer is always no!!
Most people will remain unmarried if they follow this advice
My 2c : Move out of New York at any cost irrespective of whatever you decide about this relationship.
It’s true nyc cost of living is just absurd. I live to pay bills here
It’s a no girl
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