A year back I moved to the bay area for a new job. One of my friend had a room available in an apartment and I took the offer as I didn’t have many good friends in bay area and I thought I can chill with this guy and become good friends with him. I had met this guy a couple of times before and we had many things in common and I thought we can become really good friends. I could not have been more wrong about that. This guy was a totally different person than how I knew him before. He acted very formal with me and drew up boundaries even when it was straight up stupid to have boundaries. I hung out with him maybe 2-3 times last year and after that whenever I asked if he wanted to hangout he would always make excuses or say he is meeting with other friends. Even when he invited his friends to our house, he would hang out with them in his room and not invite me. On the other hand when my friends came over I used to invite him for hanging out, but then he would never come and would always make excuses. I am a bit of a loner with not many friends, while he is a bit of an extrovert with many friends. I got the feeling that he has become snobbish looking at my social life and is trying to avoid me because of that. So it is basically as if we are living in 2 different houses and sharing the kitchen and living room. I have always hung out with all my past roommates during college and work life, when all of us were at home and free. I thought the same of my current roommate, as he was somewhat of a friend before I moved in. I understand that we have our own lives and have no obligation to hang out. I wouldn’t have cared so much if this guy was unknown to me before, but since I know this guy well enough before moving in, his behavior is irritating me. For the past few weeks we have hardly spoke even when we are both at home. We just nod at each other and go back to doing our own things. I have tried to break the ice by initiating conversations and asking what he is up-to, but he will just reply with short answers and go back to his room. Because of this cold war it is getting really awkward at home. I still have around 9 months left on the lease, so have to put up with this awkwardness till then. Looking for any suggestions to break this awkwardness for the remaining time on the lease. Cost of breaking lease and finding new house is too much, so I don’t want to go with this option. Helpful comments only please. TC- 180k
It’s clear he doesn’t want to be anything more than a roommate. As long as he’s respecting you and keeping the house clean then I don’t see a problem. I know it sucks but it’s not the worst situation.
Yeah in that aspect it is fine, but a cold war with someone you spoke a lot before is always awkward.
Why do you think it's a cold war? You did not have any fights. Just smile at home when you meet him in the living room and only talk when there is a necessity.
He’s got his own life
You are expecting your roommate to be your friend. While it’s a nice thing to have , you can’t expect that. Even more you can’t demand they be your friend. Your roommate or anyone. You can’t demand them to be your friend.
How much time is left in lease ? Charge of breaking lease ? Life is too precious to worry about such roommates.
It is too much. I have to pay out the 2 times the monthly rent and find a replacement for myself. Also I need to find another place for myself. Not worth it.
Introvert people like you don’t express but they care too much ( usually). Let it be OP. He is living in your mind without paying any rent.
Best option is to move out and find roommates that you enjoy living with. You cannot change the other person and its not worth it to torture yourself for the next 9 months
Atleast this guy is always avoiding you, I have a colleague who becomes friendly when he/she needs and then rest all the time formal . So just start ignoring your weirdo roomie.
Honestly you sound super clingy. He’s a roomie first. Get a life. Your roommate sounds perfectly reasonable.
Your roommate is not your GF
The roommate is his wife’s boyfriend.
He’s just not that into you.
You sound very insecure. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to hang with you? Who knows man, if you really wanna hang with him why don’t you take an interest in what he likes. Or, just buy 2 tickets to a sports game or something and invite him. Take some initiative.
We have many things in common, but he prefers to do all that with his other friends. I have tried inviting him for activities, but he never accepts.
Message is clear bro. For whatever reason he doesn’t wanna hang with you. I know it sucks, but just start living your life.