My husband's a good man. We've known each other 3 years and married 1 year. The fights have been terrible - I feel misunderstood and he feels misunderstood. Our priorities in life don't align - he's more mainstream and career focused, likes to live by the book, not take too many risks, live in a nice suburban house with good schools. Temperamentally he takes things very seriously, finds it hard to take a break, super attached to his large family in India. I on the other hand spend an insane amount of time traveling solo (because he won't go with me) - I spent 20 days in modoc national park without WiFi or cell coverage, I went to point barrow in Alaska to watch northern lights, shrooms once in couple of years, spend my free time playing in the orchestra and have a modest job at a tier 2 company paying me 400k (TC is nice but it's not my focus, I just happened to finish my PhD in a cool field and don't spend all my time working- he makes 1.5x more) He thinks I don't respect him for what he's done in life and I think he doesn't respect me - I think this is the major problem. We have different social circles. Right now we've learnt to coexist and not be hostile, but haven't been sexual in months. What's currently keeping us together is our cute pomsky that I picked up from a trash can 🙁 How do we resusticate this relationship? We are early 30s.
Are you even indian?
My parents are.
What "modest" job pays 400K?
It was more about my priorities in life and where the job fits in, and not the job.
Well tell us FFS...a lot of us would be ok with a modest job paying 400k even if there wasn't much else in life 🙄
How come you didn't think about having two different interests/personalities before getting married?
It didn't show up as much. I think the dog was our focus when we dated.
Please consult a counselor. Though you two seem like people with just different world views/ life priorities. Btw, why was the dog, and not you both, your likes, dislikes, etc, the focus during dating?
Leave. You sound like a YOLO person
Yeah man. I find it hard to leave without trying. But then I'm pulling my hair apart. The fights are worse than the incompatibility. He thinks "ABCDs" look down on him, but I haven't even done that once, and he's taking out his anger of previous "ABCDs" he's met on me.
"My husband's a good man”, but then you go on to list reasons why he isn't. Which one is it?
He's good, hence I want to try, despite the problems. But don't know how to, or what to do, or if to .
You can’t love rainbows, but hate the rain they come from
What's the rain and the rainbow here?
Rainbow - your husband is a good man Rain - his priorities and compatibility with you
I don’t have advice for you. I’m kinda in a similar situation, but not married. The person I’m with is more mainstream, doesn’t want to take risks, focused on family and then career, doesn’t get my sense of humor, wont fit in my social circle. He’s a very good person overall (kind, honest, straightforward, doesn’t play games, family oriented) but I’ve been thinking of pulling the plug on things before they get too serious. I think we’re fundamentally different people and a few years down the line, I won’t be happy being with him. I’ve realized the solution to this is finding someone in my social circle or someone who can fit in my social circle, so I know we can hang out as friends and we like doing things together even as we grow old (and after the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over). I don’t want to just coexist with someone who is fundamentally very different from me. For me, it’s easier to cut my losses and move on, but I don’t want to lose a good man.
5'6"...for god's sake don't make it even worse for us. All else is accurate though 👍
Sarcasm much?
Pour tea on his laptop 👨💻. .. he will get the break .
I wish 😀
These things happen in all marriages. My advice is to consider kids. That might salvage your relationship.
I fear that my identity will be dissolved if I throw myself into motherhood. It feels like a tug of war where we are both just refusing to play and continue with our individual styles.
You think your identity will be dissolved..only if you think it will be ..otherwise you would do fine