Honestly started super casual 5 years ago and now he’s talking about marriage. I sort of feel like I woke up one day wondering if the practicalities here make sense. I worry about kids with him. I know no one knows how much time they have left but statistically… it’s less than me. My parents don’t approve really but they haven’t said so much. They just don’t want me to have to spend years being caretakers to 3 different people around the same time. Plus kids. On the other hand with the pandemic I feel like I went from 26 to 30 overnight and this is my age range now anyway for men? Otherwise it’s a great, solid, easy relationship but I’m just very pragmatic about this stuff now that it’s like real. I don’t even want to get married generally but he’s pushing marriage or break up it seems like and I don’t want to drag things out for either of us. TC 310k
25 year age gap is too much. He could be your dad. Don't do it. Do you have daddy issues? If you are pragmatic, break up and find someone in your age group (30s).
No actually 😅 this is something that I feel also I get judged on for dating him but I’ve tried to get over it. I’m very close with my dad and think he’s genuinely the best human currently on this planet bar none. He’s still happily with my mom so no issues there I feel like men my age want girls in their 20s, and so do men in their 40s. Most of my friends locked down a guy in their 20s so I sort of feel like my times ran out and I have a great guy already who already is in the demographic I’d be looking at if I were to be single age. He’s actually quite handsome and still very in shape but sure probably not as much as when he was younger
Your time to lock down a good guy didn't run out just because you turned 30. Don't settle for a 55 year old because you think your time ran out. Men in their 30s will happily date/marry a 30 year old woman.
Leave, why do you want to be a nurse? Don’t do yourself such a disservice.
That’s my concern tbh but he’s a really great partner otherwise. I suppose I feel like I’m picking between standing a good chance of being alone forever, not having children, and marrying this guy and maybe having some stressful years juggling taking care of people. The former almost scares me more because coming to terms with that will involve quite a bit of work on my part to accept that risk, to be okay with it as much as I can, and not let that affect my decisions or happiness going forward as it’s out of my control. Secondly, I do feel like the guy I’m dating was an extremely great catch when younger and I should have been looking at his equivalent in my 20s but instead enjoyed my time with him, not really thinking things through
Have you tried counseling to address your fears? Nowadays, people get married around your age all the time. And, sure, men in their 30s and 40s would prefer someone younger, but how many are getting someone that young? Most people marry in their age group for a reason. Imo, you shouldn't be looking at your relationship and how it is, just now, but how it may pan out two, three or four decades from now. While we can't predict the future, statistically, are you OK being a widow by your 50s? This is not the first time you've posted on this topic either, I think. And kudos to your parents for not saying much. But dating a generation older? Would you be OK possibly always being the less knowledgeable, less experienced one who 'needs guidance'? This can become a common dynamic in such large age gap relationships. I think it would also help if you could actually speak with people who have been in such relationships.
You do you anyways, but you being in your 30s and him 55 yo is a bit too much of a gap IMO. He's too old for you. Do you get along with his family and friends of his age group?
I do, but I’m pretty introverted and don’t really spend that much time with my own friends even.
I believe you're undervaluing yourself a lot. You can also go for a 40 yo but why so old? If you plan to have kids, it won't be so easy, they need a lot of energy and need parents to be physically fit. He maybe handsome etc but marriage isn't pragmatic, IMO.
Let me be blunt. He will likely lose interest in sex in ten years while you will be at your peak. There is a good chance he would die while your kids are not yet grown. A dead parent! This is a rough childhood. Find a 10 year age gap instead. Plenty of excellent 40 year olds would be ecstatic to match with an excellent 30 year old. Don't sell yourself short.
I guess I feel there’s more to life than sex but I’ve been compromising in that area already so that’s probably why it feels so easy to be ok with that :) And I agree. I always worried about my parents dying as a kid (long story) and that was enough lol.
Run. 55 is way too old. What are you thinking? It’s cruel to have kids with him I left my 15 years older bf at your age. It’s easy to find men!! Even in 30s. Just look good
I feel like he’s a really great partner. But yeah I dont know what to do haha. I feel like I’m going to be so sad and never find someone as good as him. And like, I guess I feel like I can maybe figure things out as they come up so why worry before anything has even happened?
You posted here for a reason. You know the answer deep down. Good luck
We started out casual and he said he never wanted to get married. It developed into something more after a long time. I just have some doubts. To me marriage is more than just love. But yeah I was not making rational decisions because I fell in love. I don’t regret anything but I chose to go with my emotions the whole time rather than be practical. Not a mistake and I’m not really sure that I want to end the relationship because it is really good. Basically 0 issues and we never fight Other people have phrased the concerns I have better than I ever could in comments. I had thought about them before but I didn’t want to break up. I still don’t. I probably will stay because idk if I could find a relationship like this again but I’m worried I’ll regret it
Yeah relationships are really hard. I wanted to gather my thoughts before talking to him and also just sort of talk to the internet because it feels less shameful than talking to friends. These aren’t really concerns he hasn’t heard about before - we are very honest (but in a kind way) with each other.
@block my dear u r such a sweet sensible logical girl in most of your comments and responses - yet in your own situation u r thinking with ur heart rather than your mind. I know what u r feeling, I was in a relationship with a younger guy till recently and he has the same concerns you have and we broke it off - and we are both miserable. But your situation is a lil more complicated - the age difference is a lot and when you are about 60-65 you will end up being a caretaker or widowed. Maybe if you have kids by then you won’t be as lonely but it’s still a long life my dear. Maybe start spending some time apart from each other and see how you feel? ((Hugs))
Op are you a troll? I’m 35 and I can never find an attractive man over 45
No I agree with you for the most part as I have done a similar analysis as you, but I find him attractive. He’s in good shape, dresses well (European), has nice hair still
Whatever you decide to do, don't listen to the advice of other women on this thread. Even if you marry a man your same age, he will still statistically die before you do. If you love him and want to have kids with him, I'd say go for it. If you definitely want to have kids but not with him, then you should move on immediately. It's not so easy to find someone you trust and love enough to have children with though. If you don't want to have children at all then there's no real rush about deciding what to do.
I can’t really tell based on the responses who’s a man or a woman but I’m not sure it’s so simple. There’s more to the equation than kids
The people telling you that the age gap is too big are all women. I agree that it's not necessarily an easy decision you have on your hands, especially with him pressuring you for marriage. I will say that 55 is not all that old (for a person, not a relationship) if he takes care of himself. He could have 30 more good years before needing assistance with everyday living.
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What's his TC and NW?
I think he’s north of 500k and not sure of his savings but he talks about retirement a lot which lol feels far for me He’s in tech as well but obviously is 2 decades ahead of me We don’t really talk about finances beyond when he wants to do something I can’t afford or just general stuff like him suggesting I buy ibonds etc. He knows exactly how much I make because he helped me negotiate my salary 😂
But that’s not a factor in our relationship. We always talked about benefits of prenup, how neither of us were looking for marriage anyway… I guess he changed his mind