Western and Asian/South Asian cultural differences
How do westerns adapt to Asian/South Asian culture and vice versa? Scenario: I have a friend (29M) white American who has multiple times shown interest in me, but I am not very sure. I (35F) of south Asian origin have a significant family involvement, I take care of family and inturn have to make some sacrifices, about which I am okay with (I do ocassionally get upset but I need to prioritize) . Meanwhile my friend has a weird relationship with his family and doesn't talk to his parents; he barely goes home and even when one of the rare times he does, he doesn't seem to enjoy. He doesn't get it at all why I do what I do for my family. He constantly keeps speaking negative things about my family and so much so he views them as bad people; while I am already dealing with work, family and a busy life, I find it stressful to keep explaining him why I can't keep hanging out with him. This makes me very sure I don't want to get romantically involved with him; my larger concern is that if I do try dating Americans and end up marrying is this something that will always pop up? Are all Westners always running away from family involvement? Which I think is a wrong stereotype. Throw some light here please.
Value systems are obviously different between US and Asia. Asians tend to be more family focused while US encourages individualism. Nothing wrong with either, those are two different perspectives and cultures. There are still many in Asia who don’t take care of their parents and there are plenty in US who do take care. You only need to marry one person, so try to find one that does care for elderly.
Agreed! Thank you
No, not all Westerns run away from their family. Consider that your 'friend' may have been emotionally abused by his family for years. The abuse would explain why he does not enjoy spending time with his family and why he does not understand your connection with your family. I think it is important to show empathy, but also to defend your family. When he wants to complain about your family stop him.
In some way he displays signs of emotional abuse. In multiple scenarios I have noticed he lacks empathy, I have given up trying to help him. I do step up and defend; now it's getting to a point where I don't want to explain him since he lacks the EI to understand. Anywho my concern was in the larger sample size of Western men. He very well could be an exception (I hope so)
Don't bother. If he acts like that to his family how will we treat you?
Typical western individualism
Sounds like the beginning of a book my wife just finished. Just don’t bother getting romantically involved with that guy.
Like anything, there is no one size fits all answer. My family is mixed, and we have been able to co-mingle in areas that work for all. Granted, there are many situations that would not work, but that's true for either parties, and we understand that. It doesn't mean we hate and divorce tomorrow. Almost 11 years later, and The families are now integrated very well. They eat meat when we go out, but only with us (not if both parents are involved). And if extended family is involved for Thanksgiving etc, we just have veggie dishes and it has worked out fine so far.
That's a great collaborative cultural mix. How was life during that 11 years?
I actually cannot think of any specific instance where there was huge fights etc between the two families or disagreements. Probably because there was about 2 years when the families got to know each other through us and other members (were living together as well). So that helped. They have also traveled with us to India few times, ( outside of having some issues with indigestion) and the have not had any issues. The initial 2 years was a bit tricky, in the sense that some members in each family were fine, but some had their reservations (or traditions, etc). As time passed, every one was able to work out that we are all in this together, and left the small things aside - or, at least, left them ignored since they were unnecessary. Once egos are gone, we are all the same anyways.
You'll probably get along well with conservative families. Western culture is very individualistic, but that doesn't mean hating families. You're seeing a personal trait in this guy and that can't be generalized.
I am not conservative at all, so don't see how.
Don't misinterpret that word like in the political usage. Family values are different among different people.
I am an agnostic person with liberal views. On the other hand my friend grew up in a conservative church going household and yet he lacks empathy. So I am confused.
Maybe he hated being forced to go to the church and that probably turned your friend against parents. It's poor parenting rather than anything else.
He did.
Well to gain “Green Card” faster ( by 100 years) you got to deal with some pain. Can’t have all your fingers in the honey pot 😆
Don't waste your time on other ethnicities. It is already too late for you.
Stupid response
@pieceful -I bet you are the kind I am running away from.