So I moved here 3 years ago. Work is great, life is good. But: what do I do with my personal life? I was in a long-distance relationship for most of the time I was here. Now that it’s over I realized something: - I’ve met 2 allegedly single women of my nationality over these 3 years - I don’t have pictures that will attract any attention on Tinder-like app, and in addition I’m not good-looking, I would say 6 or 7 - socializing here is hard. I socialize with people speaking my native language, and they are mostly older and married, some with kids. My English is good enough for work, but socializing in English is not enjoyable and I don’t know where to start - I have several cool outdoorsy and not hobbies, but I often end up doing them alone, and they don’t expand my social circle - maybe I’m doing something wrong I never had troubles socializing or meeting women before I moved here, never mind my looks. What the hell do I do now though( Anyone who went through this?
Welcome to the Bay Area. Want to meet girls in the bay? Be a tall multimillionaire white guy.
Join dance classes. You will find someone there
Take a few trips to Russia. You will find the most attractive women who want to move to US.
This reminds me of a few friends
You mean hysterical golddiggers? Lmao
Go to NYC
what's your native language?
Your typed English is better than most Americans’, you like outdoors, lack social confidence, and your few proximate countrymen are olds. What is...... Scandinavian??? I second the move to NYC suggestion.
Close enough - Russian. That’s the thing though, I feel like lack of social confidence might be related to cultural/language barrier, since I never had issues with socializing back home. With colleagues at work, any convo quickly goes to either work itself, or some boring set of topics, like ‘oh I hiked over the weekend - cool good for you’ or something like this, and this doesn’t lead to friendship even.
"..I feel like lack of social confidence might be related to cultural/language barrier, since I never had issues with socializing back home." +1, OP. I once heard someone say that his personality had completely changed when he came here. In his home country, he was more outgoing, here, he became quieter and less extroverted. It was only when I gave it some thought that I realized my experience has also been similar.
I can’t rationally explain why it works this way though.
The answer is in your statement, I think. It could be the state of feeling out of place and hence trying to blend in. One way to do so is to adapt oneself externally & internally, I think. Internalize the new culture, it's values, quirks, and linguistic nuances (for eg: just knowing English is not enough - it's usage, the WAY it is used locally - also matters, perhaps equally). Another way, if the former is hard (as it often is, because acquiring the above is not an instantaneous thing), is to make oneself less conspicuous, stand out as less as possible so that the differences between you and the local person next to you are less visible. The latter state is unfortunately not a happy state to be in, it is quite isolating and alienating. At least that has been my experience.
Russian accent does put off people , try reducing your accent. Especially over emphasis on the “rr”s. Try finding Eastern Europeans they do thing high oof Russians, most girls are really nice and down to earth.
Spend more time in SF, lots of Russian bars here and lots of single Russian ladies
If you are Indian, try to date white girls. Some of them really like Indian guys
Lol
Not Indian. English not being my native language wouldn’t be the problem then, would it?