TLDR: I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year and I completely lost sexual attraction towards her. She’s poor and recently got laid off. I feel bad for her and feel guilty that I’m thinking of breaking up with her. Long version: I am 35yo “minority” male working as a SWE. I make good money (TC 500k — if Airbnb don’t completely collapse) and have 1m net worth. I’m not the awkward nerd type. I have no problem talking and flirting with woman. I’ve had only two very long term relationships and haven’t fully moved on from the last one. Every time I broke up relationships because I felt I needed to experience what’s out there and yet in a short time I rebounded to the next relationship. I am the type that can’t stay single for too long, yet have this fantasy of being a playboy. My girlfriend is not as financially successful as I am but she’s an amazing person. Super easy going. Absolutely no complaints about anything. She keeps telling me how sexy and hot I am and keeps reminding me how happy she is in this relationship. She was laid off and doesn’t have skills that can get her jobs in this market. She wants to switch careers but it ain’t happening. I’ll explain later why. Our relationship started as meh from my perspective. She was available and easy so I would ask her to come over to empty the void my ex left in my apartment. I never had that burning desire I had for previous girlfriends for her. Over time, with the help of COVID we become exclusive and eventually she moved in. Mostly because she lost her job and I felt bad for her paying rent for an apartment she is never there. She’s very hardworking and focused but somehow she’s not making any progress with the bootcamp prep material. I feel she’s not cut for that sort of job but she knows that’s the best way to get out of her financial quicksand. If you are a coder you know that if you don’t enjoy it it will be really hard to put enough hours to learn this thing. She’s not interested in it and her only motivation is money which is not enough for spending 12+ hours a day learning while earning nothing. Our sex quality has gone down significantly. Ironically we have sex almost every day but I feel she is “giving” sex instead of wanting to fuck me. I feel she is scared all the time. Scared of me not wanting her. Scared of losing living in this nice apartment. Scared of not having a job etc etc. that turns me off big times. My ex was brave and confident. She wanted to fuck me because we were just a good match. She was successful in her career that was a big turn on for me. I love successful and ambitious woman Now I’m in bed sleeping next to her and feel like this relationship is more of a charity than love. She makes my life very comfortable but not exciting and hot. What should I do? #dating
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Wait till covid is over and let her down easy. Unhappy relationships don’t last long
Obviously this relationship isn't sustainable in the long term. Break up with her, the sooner the better. If you delay the inevitable, she'll grow more dependent on you and the damage will be even greater.
In case you feel like you're being a nice guy staying with her out of pity, imagine someone was doing that same thing to you. She feels that she's dependent on you, hence all this "giving". Obviously she's not enjoying it just as much as you. Just stop this and become a good friend to her. Coding is not the only thing that she can learn, she could start pursuing something she's actually good at. If she learns what's she's good at, she can become that strong and independent person you liked in your ex.
Being friend means breakup first?
You should feel good after charity Jokes apart don't string her along if you are not into her
Do her a favor and break up with her.
You seem so opportunistic, OP. Invited her into your life when it suited you, and lost interest in her at the first sign when things turned awry.
Makes sense.
Well he now knows things that he did not know before.
She is a great woman. Please let her go so she can have a great guy in her life.
Clearly not as great as OP ☺️
Life is short. Spare yourself this dilemma. I’m sure she doesn’t deserve this either. Live and let live.
It sounds like you have your answer but you’re hanging on to convenience. I mean so is she, from the perspective you shared. I think you know what to do so my advice is to end it in the most amicable respectful way. Also, wake up and own your piece of the puzzle here: you are just as responsible for receiving the charity that you have been giving.
Tough.... I want to say break up, this is not going to last. But I can imagine what she’s going through, putting out hoping you’ll not kick her out.