AMA
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Why don’t India and Pakistan like each other? I am white and don’t understand
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India
Yesterday
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We are a family of 4 with 2 kids. It's Saturday afternoon and I feel like every conversation with another family member today has been impolite. Kids not listening, interrupting, back answering, mom yelling, dad irritated, mom and dad bickering. The whole place feels toxic. And from the outside you'd think we are classy and fine. All week of stress at work and then weekend of this. Some would say first world problems but sure feels significant if vast majority of my time on earth is between work and family and neither is pleasant. I am surely part of the problem. How do you build better family culture and improve communication?
Society as a whole is moving towards intolerance. On the surface you hear 'diversity' and 'inclusion' out of every mouth. Beneath is just a self-infatuated self-indulgent cohort who will immediately call you extremist and racist and Darwin knows what just because you disagree with them on trivial matters.
Sounds like you are all screaming at each other. That’s not normal in our family of 4.
It's your family. You are responsible for the tone. My family communicates well and we are a source of happiness for each other not stress It's on you to shape your children and maintain family relationships Just as an example, whybis your kid talking back? You need to establish respect.
How do I establish respect with kids without communication getting ugly? This works sometimes for me but often falls apart.
That's what you have to learn not the kids. You are the adult here.
Tell your family you’re going out for cigarettes and never come back.
Be the change you want to see. I am extremely guilty of not following this…it’s hard
Your kids are just copying you.
Sorry to hear that. When I am feeling frustrated with my spouse or kids I go for a run or bike ride. Or lift weights. Then eat something and my mood 📈
90% that your kids are responding and reflecting your tone, volume, and actions. If you want this dynamic to change. Have a conversation with you wife. Then sit down and level set with your own kids. Mind your actions and things might get better over time. You have already lost their respect it seems, so you’ll need work to get that back.
Yeah this is it. It's not easy. I've been improving my communication - tone volume actions. But I fail at times. My improvement is not fast enough and kids are growing / learning their habits faster so it's not getting better. There is pockets of improvement for sure but not nearly enough to avoid the kind of environment that was created yesterday. But good news is that we are ok. We all kinda took a break. Then when we came back we apologized and rest of the day was ok.
If mom dad don’t respect each other - kids won’t.
Indian family?
Yes
Don't worry. We don't have kids but we're just the same. It will be fine after some time.