I have been programming since I was in high school. I got a CS degree. TL; DR: Has anyone been through something like this, burned out and left SWE because of pressure? Did you go back? Or switched permanently? If I do return, how do I avoid the pressure and stay balanced (read, avoid another mental health collapse)? Any suggestions for companies who have a product and need a developer advocate? Full version: About 8 yrs ago, I was new to IBM with about 6 YOE. Result: Being on A team for 18 months, and dealing with -stress -repeated threat of job loss (Management telling me I would be the first to be let go) -manager's unrealistic expectations -feeling of failure that I'd let my managers/mentors down -internal pressure -Bob, my team lead, was rude, condescending and dismissive. All this resulted in my internalizing the negative criticisms and losing all my confidence. I developed a paranoia about making a mistake. I was working 15-16 hours and my heart would be racing constantly and feeling sick to my stomach. It was awful. I'm good at my job because I'm thorough, but I was too thorough because of fear. I would be having a panic attack when running regression tests because I was afraid I'd broken something and would be humiliated again. Happily, I ended up working as a kind of developer advocate and technical writer. It was a lateral, unofficial move but I really excelled at it because it was writing code but not for production, so no pressure. I did that for 5 years. But I found out late last year my job and team will no longer exist shortly. I have been looking for work outside and inside IBM as a technical writer but it is challenging since I don't have "official" experience and also because I'm only specifically interested in technical writing for developers. I don't want to go to developer advocacy because I'm not a fan of public speaking. I got a couple of offers in but nothing was the right fit at the time (culture wise, or the manager suddenly ghosted, true story) I got through HC at google for a technical writer position in July, but my recruiter has not had an update for almost 3 weeks because of the hiring freeze. I'm thinking its not going to happen, and so I'm back to the drawing board, again. At this point I'm exhausted in my search and wondering if I should consider returning to development roles because - things in IT seem to be on a downturn. - Also, I notice at times I miss development. - seems job market has completely dried up, - I am competing with seasoned technical writers for what I feel is the only job left in development that I can stomach. I am afraid to go back, to be honest, but I am considering I should face my fears and try again, that maybe if I - a) avoid putting too much pressure on myself and - b) pick a decent, supportive team I might be able to do it. I just need to find something. I'm sick of being in limbo. TC: 140K #engineering #software #burnout
Find a different job
TC or GTFO
Sounds like you had a horrible manager. Find a new team or new company.
Thanks
Way too much text
Definitely an IBMer.