I (F 33) have been seeing that the guys who want to put in efforts and are serious about relationships and marriage are the ones who I don’t find intellectually attractive or have way less exposure to life which makes it difficult to have good conversations or enjoy other things. I enjoy intelligent conversations and i like learning from conversations with other people. The other thing being financial compatibility, I make more than what people assume from my job title because of my business ventures and side gigs. I don’t share any of that when talking to guys but I am not sure how our lives together would be when the guy finds out that i make 4 times his income and whether or not, i will be okay with that too in the future. An ideal guy for me would be someone who is intelligent or somewhat smart, values family and relationships and has similar financial and family background. But unfortunately, i have had no luck meeting such guys. My family and close friends have been trying to convince me to settle with the guys I described above and think if someone is a good person, the rest lf the things will eventually be okay. I am just confused.#dating #marriage #relationships
join The League, get humbled. You’re not as special as you think you are
Thanks. When did I say I was special?
If we make a list here 6' tall Big dik High TC Intellectual conversations Good moral compass Good financial sense/stability Good relationship with family Lots of exposure to life experiences Wants to have a kid (or doesnt) Younger than age 45 Out of those 10 points, if you had to pick 4-5 to give up; would you be able to? The realistic way to look at this is: finding a match is not like grocery shopping, sometimes you wont be able to get everything you want
OP would give up 2, 5, 7, 8
Love is not a checklist. Try getting to know men and see if there is chemistry. Sure, it's important that core values are aligned, but other things are circumstances that can change (i.e. financial status) or things that are not in their control (family background). Those things are not as important as you think they are in the long run. Get to know people and see them for what they are, not for how many boxes they check on your list. That's the secret to a happy marriage.
You will never find anyone who checks all the boxes. There will always be something they can work on. If you find someone who makes less than you now, that can change in future. As long as you find someone who makes you happy, have good moral values and character, you will be happier in the long run. Him making x dollar amount more or less than you, will not matter in the long term, if you both agree to a financial plan in the marriage. Look for someone who is a good human being and values you for who you are. Trust me those qualities matter the most for a success relationship.
This is a problem with modernization! Once someone gets to certain job title/salary, the $ in the head makes you feel superior which is a huge red flag. Given you are already 33, it’s not a surprise. All good guys have already been taken sorry
Wrong, there are still tons of good guys in that age range specially in big cities, however, she needs to think about what she has to offer and would the guy that checks out all of the items in her list want to marry her
The good ones in that age range are looking at 27ish girls.
What exactly is your worry about financial compatibility? Set some baseline on what you consider a proper amount for a strong family budget and go from there. Whatever extra you make can be your "lipstick" money. No need to declare them out loud, as long as you pay your taxes.
Unfortunately money doesn’t determine how a person is, personality and behavior does. But looks like in hindsight you’re looking for a millionaire. But you’ll also have to see what you bring to the table for them other than money.
If you are smart you wouldn't involve financial background to make decisions. All you need is someone who is smart and you have mutual respect and attraction. Don't you think a smart person can make more money in future? Current state doesn't matter even if they are jobless for long term marriage decisions. You are probably looking for ideal person and you wouldn't find them so easily and no way to confirm either.
The thing is you won’t get all the things. If the other person is smart then he/she won’t be attractive or vice versa
DM'ed you!
Maybe consider moving to a city if you’re in the suburbs. I have found it easier to find smart men in cities but there are smart people everywhere just harder to find and screen for
Thanks. I just moved and in a decent size city.