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I started dating a poly chick recently. I’ve been in adjacent communities for a while (cuddle parties, play parties, light BDSM) but never had a serious poly relationship. It’s pretty amazing. I think that poly requires a certain amount of confidence and emotional security, which opens up all sorts of doors. I love how I can talk about sex experienced with her partners, and my ex partners, and what I do at a play party, and that be…a turn on instead of taboo. Also, I always wanted to be silly during sex. But almost all of my exes felt this was a turn off, which I understand — you can't force yourself to be turned on by something. But I felt very restricted. I had all these ideas about what I wanted to try. I always saw sex as a huge opportunity to experiment without the weight of real-world consequences. And I had this ideal where it was ok to fuck up, and make a mistake, embarrass yourself, even get a little hurt. Suggest any embarrassing or crazy idea, come off as a pervert. Maybe even be a little needy or annoying or not sexy. Because it does not have to be as serious as the real world. Everything could be a fun experiment like we do in tech. Try something crazy. If it fails, oh well. Moving on. And you could be honest about how you feel without your partner taking it personally or see you poorly. I thought this was a pipe dream for a while. But it’s so freeing finding people who share my beliefs and kinks. Have any of you had a similar journey? Tips? BONUS: my brand of “silly”: One of our common kinks is making parody videos about obscure topics. We did once making fun of new age “priestness”-es. Our next one is going to be called “Poly-ke-mon”. <trailer> It’s hard to find the “one”. But together…you can collect all the ‘mon and fuse them to form the perfect partner The Tech Guy - has lot of toys. A little anal The Lawyer - assertive, dominant, will get you off The Healer - new age Buddhist masseur guru shaman, also works at Panera as his “dharma” </trailer> TC 475K #relationships #dating
Lol I knew that when I was 21. Good that you found Nirvana.
Only took me a decade longer 😄
Not familiar with this lifestyle but I’m kind of jealous lol. Are you sleeping with multiple women at once or just having different sexual encounters with different women in addition to with your wife?
Same question
It took me a while to understand that your first option meant moresomes because I initially thought both were the same. Obviously the specifics depend on the parameters of op s relationship but in general, both are on the table. In my case, it involves both.
I agree that it’s quite freeing. Fortunately for me my first such relationship was in my Mid 20s, while still in school which made things much simpler, and opened me up sooner. I can’t think of specific tips that would help, except to say that it’s a good exercise in constant communication, so be sure to keep that going.
Do you plan to do that in marriage too ? What's your ethnicity?
If I did decide to get legally married at some point, it’s hard to speculate on whether my thoughts on the topic will have shifted. At this moment, I don’t anticipate it being terribly different. I’m Indian
Really happy in a poly relationship as a woman. It's life changing. Wish you the best .
What do you like about it?
Openness, love and not being tied down by society.
For me, the start was probably cuddle parties. They got me more confident in my body, dealing with rejection, asking for what I want. And from there you just kinda meet people and find your path.
You sound like a textbook degenerate. Get mental help.
Since you asked for thoughts, here are mine. Why engage in self destructive behaviors. There is value in leading disciplined life. Dont intend to preach anything. Your life, your choice.
Curious, besides religious reasons, why is the lifestyle viewed as “self destructive”?
Actually, I did not even think of religion when I thought about it being self destructive. Unhealthy life style, dealing with multiple people, transactional relationships, what you want to teach your future kids, risk of being associated with bad people, lot of bad people, risk of being threatened. I cant think of one good outcome. I cant be convinced otherwise.
Ethnicity?
Not to perpetuate the stereotype, but White