Arguments regarding HPV testing w GF >_<
Hey guys, Can't really talk to friends about this rn (long story), but want to blow off some steam... Things to know: I am from Russia but live in the US, and my current GF is from Russia and lives there (i.e. in Russia), met on Tinder, have been chatting for months, I visited her and my parents recently, all was good. Now I'm back in the states, we communicate via messengers and do calls. Started to discuss STI and was told that she is sensitive to HPV (I mean HPV here, not some other STI, we discussed that in details w her) and I should do some tests. Sure, no problem, but after talking to my doctor I was told there are no reliable HPV tests in men who don't have symptoms (also did some research on my own, even read scientific papers on this matter). But I could do an HPV vaccination as an alternative, which seemed like a good option. Well, here is where things started getting weird/annoying. My gf is saying that doctor is probably wrong, her ex did a test (which turned out to be positive) so I should do one as well. I tried telling that I don't have symptoms and (at least in the US) there are no such tests, so vaccination is my only option (already did the 1st shot). She becomes angry/upset/defensive and tells me that such tests exist in Russia... And just now (had a second discussion and second fight on all this) I was told that I did vaccination because I didn't think about her in the first place but because I wanted to protect myself from getting infected from her... Dude, wtf, I didn't even think about this before she mentioned that! And was also told smth like "I trust you. But you know, I trusted my ex, but he didn't want to do testing and I basically forced him to do it and it turned out to be positive, so... " - this is smth like translation past problems with her ex to me, even if I'm trying my best to do everything properly. So, in summary, I believe I'm doing everything I can and trying my best to be responsible and honest, but she is still getting annoyed/angry/pissed for no (at least obvious to me) reason. Again, I know I'm doing everything right, just wanted to blow off some steam as this pisses me of... PS Maybe ladies from blind could provide some advice :) #dating #relationships
Think of this as the trailer for the rest of your relationship - she's unreasonable, believes in Russian magic tests unknown to western science and throws fits when things don't go her way. Also brings up the ex. Avoid?
Don't really want to but thinking about this
She is hot tho xD And quite reasonable/understanding in general (if not taking into account this topic)
Why not just ask her where her ex got tested and go there?
To Russia? xD Also google says that you need to have symptoms to do that. We kinda have similar ish tests here, but not for asymptomatic ppl
Damn I’m sorry
Is there an online test kit that can test HPV.... ? One thing I didnt understand is if you have taken the HPV vaccine then why is your GF upset about it.. on the contrary .. this shows that you are committed to the relationship.. right ??
Is there an online test kit that can test HPV.... ? - I guess there are a few, but the accuracy of the results is questionable. If my Dr tells me they can't do this even in the lab, I assume those kits are bs or made for women mostly One thing I didnt understand is if you have taken the HPV vaccine then why is your GF upset about it.. on the contrary .. this shows that you are committed to the relationship.. right ?? - that's what I thought as well???... Apparently, this has even offended her... Idk, women are weird sometimes
Does she have HPV? If so, you’re willing to contract that from her? Seems like a bad idea…
This is not a super relevant question, but I understand why you might ask. No, she does not have one and wants to minimize the risks of her having it in the future
Why doesn’t she just get vaccinated then?
Don't wanna say for the whole country, but it's very common to see people from post-Soviet countries to be very focused on health issues, self treatment and, as a result, overdoing a bunch of things. If you ask an average Russian, what they have in their home medicine box, they'll list a whole bunch of things, in comparison to Americans who most likely will have Tylenol and thanks God if there is some bandaid. I'd suggest you focus not on the issue, bit on a communication pattern you have here. Sounds like a pure gaslighting to me, and if you plan LTR with this girl, probably a good idea to discuss this with her, as things are going to repeat just with a different topic.
She has some trauma to work out. This on its own is fine if she realizes it, and seeks therapy. But if she doesn't realize it, then the trauma is going to be part of your life. You need to tell her to stop comparing you with her ex. Regarding this test, can this wait till you go to Russia the next time?
Look, she's not rational, so just do whatever test you have access to. It's not accurate, so what; it's to make her feel better. (Obviously, if it comes back positive and you're concerned about accuracy, don't mention it immediately and redo it, but if you get a negative result, she's happy). Even 5-6 years ago, the presumption was that if you're sexually active, you likely already have it. I guess things may have changed with young adults now, given that vaccinations became prevalent in teenagers a few years ago, but among 20-somethings and older, it's probably true. It would be best for her to get vaccinated and stop worrying about it, but whatever. Just do whatever you can to keep her happy (and to beware if that becomes a pattern).
How old are you?
How is this relevant?
If you're under 26, you could get vaxxed.
Can she do a test if she thinks she has it? Can she get the HPV vaccine? If you get the vaccine, then you can’t pass it to her right? The second dose shouldn’t be too far away from now..
maybe she is mixing it up with a std test
Nope, def talking about HPV, edited the text as well accordingly
Hpv is std