I'm currently based off in SFO & satisfied in my professional life with great company & team to work for. However there are some ups n downs in my personal life i guess. So i'm an Indian and like every Ramesh, Suresh etc. I got into this arrange marriage setup & got engaged virtually to someome who is in India. She seems to be a nice gal who says that she loves me. Yes, we agreed to marry each other by talking to each other virtually for about 3+ months almost everyday. Didnt meet her once yet. Irony is i have been proudly saying until now that I've been a one-woman man every time i dated someone in the past but when i got "engaged" to her virtually, i met someone near my house, we had a good time essentially ending up in having sex(one of the best bjs i got). However worst part is, i dont feel anything for my fiancee yet & i'm scared that it will be that way even when i meet her. We fight over the phone almost everyday & then she apologizes & then again the same thing. Is it just the long distance thing that's actually so fucked up & its complicating things more than anything else? I tried telling ny fiancee about her but i dont think she is in any way shape or form gonna take this +vely. Also, one of the reasons why i said yes to her was b/c she is actually taking effort & not b/c i ended up "loving" her. The fucked up part was we used to talk the exact same thing every single day about when am i gonna ask her out until one fine day she asked me over the phone virtaully over video call & i said yes. But in all fairness i'm not even sure what do i feel about her. I have been nothing but nice to her & she has been like extra nice to an a**h*** like me i guess. Idk i'm just too stupid to understand my own emotions i guess. The gal i had sex with, she has just magically disappeared in the air & i haven't seen her in a while. Moreover, its not like i dont have any other gal to fuck with right now, like if I go out by the lake, i'm positive that i can get laid in few days again but i'm just not doing it b/c at some level it doesnt feel right. Moreover, i also fear that my fiancee and i are like 2 opppsite poles in terms of what we like. She is into customs & traditions & i for one not a huge fan of them. She likes to celebrate bdays of every1 but i absolutely detest that. Also she knkws that very clearly but she is still okay with it. My concern is that us being 2 different individuals, will that create a problem so often that the so called love would just fade away soon before it even comes up? Am i freaking out b/c i'm gonna loose my freedom & every guy goes through this shit or its just me who is insane. It almost makes me wonder why did i say yes to her in the first place, probably b/c i had no1 else in my life back then & she was taking all the effort right from the very beginning to know me & then she asked me out? Its not like i didn't try to know her but in all honesty she took more efforts than i did in this relationship until now. Please help guys!! #dating #marriage #relationships
The scene where bj girl disappearing is a classic when one might use the phrase , the writing is on the wall. Other than that I am still grabbing a 🍿 to learn advices from married men
So u r saying that there is no chance of me having sex again with the bj gal & i should just focus on renewing my bond with my fiancee & pretend as if all of this never happened? She did mention to me at the time that she recently broke up with her bf & was trying to get over him
Yeah. There you go . She got over her ex and you got the bj so it's still win-win . Now disclosing this bj or sex to your fiancee could probably hurt more . But if your heart insists hard, plan and prepare the conversation thoroughly about the hook up stories .
“Moreover, its not like i dont have any other gal to fuck with right now, like if I go out by the lake, i'm positive that i can get laid in few days again but i'm just not doing it b/c at some level it doesnt feel right.” Wtf I just read!! Is this your definition of freedom? Don’t marry and keep going to the lake🤮
Not really!! I'm confused af, trying to figure out wtf is this
Love your response @Plume design!! +1 on that
“I got into this arrange marriage setup & got engaged virtually to someome who is in India. She seems to be a nice gal who says that she loves me. Yes, we agreed to marry each other by talking to each other virtually for about 3+ months almost everyday. Didnt meet her once” Nobody sees a problem?
Yeah thank u!! Even i wonder what is that made me say yes at time. Probably b/c this is the first time in my life someone asked me out or someone made me feel special or someone cared enough about me to know about me as a person
Yet you f***ed up? I don't think you love your fiancee, you were just being nice to her and didn't want to say no to someone who was putting in effort because you didn't want to hurt her. But when you actually found someone you got along well with, you ended up having sex with her, and are looking for that connection again. So stop being nice to your fiancee. If you don't love her, there's no point getting married because you will keep cheating on her even after marriage or just be miserable (and eventually make her miserable as well).
See thats the thing, its easier said than done, our families are involved & more so than not its like my fiancee or pen pal as u have called it, she is too emotional to handle a breakup. Also, in all fairness, i'm the one who fucked up, so i'm not even sure if i wont do this again even if i get involved romantically with someone else organically in person
I wont say i'm trapped, its like at the time i didn't really have any dating scene going on tbh, like i was really bored with my single life, when i spoke to her i felt good no doubt about that, however it wasnt until the day she asked me out, i realized that i mean something to her. Quite frankly i was really talking to her normally as i would talk to anyone in person, like i didn't do anything special for her but when she asked me out i was like man this is actually going somewhere Its not like i had sex for the first time but this has happened to me for the first time that someone actually asked me out as opposed to the other way around Obviously the dynamic would have been completely different if this was just in the initial phases where our families weren't involved but now its all together a different ball game. I dont particularly feel trapped but i do feel that things are way too different than what i had envisioned for myself.
3 months virtual connection that too didn't happen organically (arranged marriage) and too emotional! Wtf
I dont understand ur comment, are u saying that she cant be emotional b/c we only spend 3 months virtually?
Not saying she can't be emotional. But the fact that you think "too emotional" is weird
People are gonna hate me for saying this but whatever you do, don't tell your Fiancee about the hookup if the other girl has disappeared and you're certain that your paths are not gonna cross again. Been there, done that. Your Fiancee is going to have trust issues if she's someone who hasn't dated much. Btw, if you're not in a hurry, break that marriage because it seems like you're marrying just because she's nice and for the sake of marrying.
Op has no plans to tell her
Please don’t marry her. if you do you will ruin her trust and her life. You can continue to have fun by the late since you are confident that’s easy for you.
Are your families involved already? The bj girl was just a distraction, think about the bigger picture what you are looking for. Also, which lake are you talking about? I need to start going there.
Been there, done that. I was in similar position as yours, only locations were different. The best thing which you can do right now, is to call off your arranged marriage, talk to your parents and tell them to call it off. And don't tell about your one night stand to that girl, she is gonna get devastated. Trust me this is gonna be best for her and, for you in long term. If you do not have feeling for her right now, you will not have it for her ever in your life. And that is going ruin both your and her life. CALL IT OFF.
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Yeah one man's turmoil is other man's entertainment, nice going dude!!
You must be new to blind, OP. Oh, and TC or GTFO.