My ex and I broke up about about 6 months ago. We had problems before and they got worse during the pandemic. I hear it's been that way for even married couples. She had been (or is ) suffering from Depression and we on medication. I supported her through that to my best ability for the 5 years we were together. I tried my best to be understanding and supportive but at some point we both knew that we weren't willing to put in the CONSTANT work in the relationship especially if the pandemic were to last another year. Constant is the keyword, because when we were ok we were looking to the future, having kids, etc. I needed a break (not like the one from 'Friends'), a mental break from all the stressing and arguments. It was a no go for her. So, it made things worse and the break up was mutual even though I was the one who said it out loud. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I found out that she has not only moved on but have someone in her life, meaning she's not just looking, or dating but is already in a relationship. I know I wouldn't feel so bad about it if things were normal , and I was seeing someone, etc. Also, I was always the more practical one , and she the deeply emotional one (not impulsive). But, the question still haunts me. "How does one go from looking at baby names to be in another relationship in their 30s in 6 months while battling depression that too in the middle of a pandemic ?" She was single for 2-3 years before we started going out. I'm a 38yo male and my ex is early 30s. For trolls, TC about 250 and fine with it. #relationships Edit : Thanks everyone so far for the comments. I definitely plan to move on, be happy, find someone etc. at my own pace. I'm confident about the future. The reason for my question is future looking too. Because this had made me question how much of their real self this person (my ex) showed during our relationship, and how to find someone who'd be real. Feel free to challenge my view as well.
She found someone who fits her life better. I would move on as well. Don't dwell on it.
Early 30s. Like shooting fish in a barrel.
Wtf
Let it go. Be happy for her. Go find your happiness.
Thanks everyone so far for the comments. I definitely plan to move on, be happy, find someone etc. at my own pace. I've already deleted her contact, cut all social media ties for a few months, etc. I'm confident about the future. The reason for my question is future looking too. Because this had made me question how much of their real self this person (my ex) showed during our relationship, and how to find someone who'd be real and vulnerable.
The only person who can give you the answers you're looking for is your ex. It's going to be different for everyone. Just because she's dating someone else so soon doesn't mean she was not real and vulnerable in your relationship. It could just mean she's not ok with being alone. Someone SEEMING to move on quickly, doesn't mean that they didn't care about their previous relationship.
You're right. Though the lack of closure is going to haunt for a while, I have to just find peace with it and carry on. No point reopening that book again, not fair to her or constructive to me.
She found a rebound who is willing to commit for a relationship. The best way to get over someone is to get with someone. Old saying but it’s true. You have to somehow fill that void.
I do not agree with the old saying in that case, please don’t get with someone to get over someone. That’s the worse thing one can do. Focus on your future and career for a while, age is just a number. Take care of yourself... I’m sure you’ll find someone who is real when you’re not looking.
Was she cheating on you with the guy?
I 100% believe that's not the case. IDK who she's with and not really interested in finding out. It could be someone I know that just "was there for her in the time of her need".
You dodged a bullet. It is a sunk cost fallacy. Move on, have fun, find a happy and a caring woman.
Yeah, I believe it is a sunk cost fallacy too due to the longer term and the intensity of the relationship. Got to count the blessings and the learnings, and live on .
That clock is ticking.