How does your current relationship compare to your past relationship where your ex had BPD/NPD/abusive traits? Did it change your personality? Did it traumatize you etc? #dating #marriage #relationships
I am in a relationship with someone who has BPD. After being together for 3 years, we've recently gotten a BPD diagnosis a month back and she is currently in therapy. After the diagnosis, when I realized that all of the behaviour I experienced was due to BPD, I introspected about how it changed me as a person. I think that I have learned to become more patient and persistent in reasoning with people in general, as my SO's BPD was triggered if I was to get frustrated during an argument. I also think that I've developed a strange mechanism to subconsciously identify and tiptoe around potential problematic issues, while having a conversation with my SO. I think this has also helped me to read other people better and realise that I've touched upon a raw nerve during conversations. So yes, it did change my personality. I would say that it surprisingly made me more caring and understanding as a person. Did it traumatize me? I don't think so. Yes, we've had some extreme fights in the past. But I don't think it had left a lasting impact on my mind.
Yes, I did. She characterized it as 'manic depression' which is another name for it I think. She would go through phases where she completely ignored me and pretended I didn't exist and then other phases where I was all she wanted. It was intoxicating and traumatizing. Our relationship didn't even have a formal ending. She just started completely ignoring me one random day and then just never responded after that. It left me in a depression because of it. I found out from someone else that she was hospitalized from having cut herself. This happened less than a month after she said she wanted to marry me. Talk about extremes. Just a really terrible disorder and I do not recommend being in a relationship with someone who has it unless you can handle the above for the rest of your life. My current relationship is a lot nicer and is with someone who doesn't have phases like that. Just the regular relationship ups and downs - mostly ups. It definitely changed me as a person and helped me understand that I valued stability and normal relationships. I became really wary about who I invited into my life. And frankly, that was my first experience with a mental disorder (before that, I had only read about them) - and I finally appreciated that mental disorders are real and actually impacts a lot of lives around the world.
I can listen to the lyrics of a song and immediately guess correctly If the songwriter has BPD or not.
Get out now. Your own happiness must come first. Do you know what the book for partners of people with BPD is titled? "Walking on Eggshells." You have a right to be happy and content.
I got out 2 years back. My personality changed quite a bit. Many of my insecurities are gone. I still feel guilty. I know I caused her a great deal of pain. I really really hope she finds joy and happiness in her life. I am scared I will end up in a relationship with another BPD person. Sometimes I wonder if every female has BPD and I should just suck up.
BPD can come in so many forms. I've been with someone, who'd bring up self harm ideas during even small misunderstandings (no drama involved). At some point I realized I'm not confident if these are just threats and how far will they get. We broke up for other reasons, but the hardest part for me was to leave such relationship carefully, so that my ex won't do any of the harm he had in mind.
I've seen couples make it work when one of them has BPD, but it's not an easy journey, and it's certainly not for everyone. I'm going through a divorce right now after 10 years of marriage to a partner with BPD. We didn't know anything about BPD until around year 7 when a close family friend, who is a psychologist, gently told me about it and suggested that I should consider talking to my wife about seeing a professional counselor. We spent a few years working through it together, but eventually my wife decided that she was tired of working on it and she didn't care any more. We have two kids so I hung on a while longer, but eventually decided that it wasn't something I could live with. In some ways I feel like I completely failed my kids, but as I've gotten more distance from my wife, it's been amazing to see how the kids behave so much more openly when they are with me. They realize they don't have to walk on eggshells, and I'm looking forward to showing them what a healthy home life can look like, even if it's only half of the time, and in the crappy (from the kids perspective) situation of divorced parents. If you do decide to stick with a BPD relationship, make the "3 C's" your daily Mantra: "I didn't cause this" "I can't cure this" " I can't control this"
I think my wife has npd. I don't know how to get her tested since people with NPD cannot admit any fault. I have gone from a calm, mild person to one with a hair trigger temper and bordering on going insane myself.
Yes, great sex
Thanks for sharing, it's good to hear from someone who had put in the hard work (and of course it's still ongoing) and are happy
You are a rare person with a kind heart and a pragmatic attitude. Your spouse is lucky to have you. I wish both of you happiness and health.
I just got dumped by my GF of only 3 months who I suspect had undiagnosed BPD. The scary part is that she definitely has co-morbid PTSD and possibly other disorders as well so everyone, including my own therapist said I dodged a cannonball let alone a bullet. Typical BPD relationship where I was love bombed and idealized early on, often talked negatively on her ex-boyfriends, except for her ex-fiance who killed himself after she broke off the engagement, binge eating/shopping habits, princess mentality enabled by rich parents, suffered anxiety and panic attacks often, had memory issues, definite abandonment fears (freaked out when I went to open the door or when she couldn't find me in the supermarket), acts like a different person depending on audience, wants her parents with her for the rest of their lives (we're 35 yo) and so much more. Eventually quarantine split us apart and for them it's out of sight out of mind and I got split black and discarded. After break up I went to talk to her best friend about it and when I told her that I did and apologized for doing so she had a panic attack that her friend was gonna abandon her and flipped out on me. Haven't contacted her for a month now and probably best I keep it that way. I fear the wonderful girl I was in love with never existed now and it was just a mirage, but deep down I'm not sure I'll be able to resist her if she came back to hoover. She's way too hot and the sex was unforgettable.
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I am trying to come out from a friendship where the friend was suffering from NPD and it took me a long time to realize that person has a disorder. Had a hard time making sense of her behavior, and yes, even though it was only friendship and not more, pretty traumatizing. The guilt tripping, the fear of vengeance from them, in general the negativity and unpleasantness, it's quite overwhelming.