My husband is at a sr management posn at one of the companies in FANG. I understand he is stressed at work but he just blows his gasket at the slightest thing at home. When he is home I am on pins and needles, he starts to shout and yell mostly at me and sometimes at kids. When we have company he is very understanding, but the four of us (we have 2 lovely kids) there is always some reason and he starts to lose it. I am of Asian origin and grew up with a mom who would beat me up and I feel I have fear issues where I lose confidence when person in front of me raises their voice. I don’t like the environment at home, I married my husband as he is my best friend. How do I help him? How do I help myself? I have asked him multiple times to come see couple therapist but it’s never a priority. I don’t want the kids to grow up thinking this is normal way to behave. He has never hit me and not broken anything at home but I don’t want to wait until it gets to that point.
Go to church and may God bless you.
Go to a temple and chant Jai Shri Ram
You should book the appointment on his behalf for anger management. Once he does a few appointments, he should start seeing the difference by himself which would motivate him to pursue the classes furthur
these type of situations usually end in estrangement
Tell him what you said here. Tell him his behavior makes you feel like you’re on pins and needles constantly. Tell him and shouting and yelling at the kids constantly (and you — but easier to make the point about the kids) is verging on emotional abuse. If the couples therapist still isn’t a priority after that then it means his family is not his priority. Act accordingly. You are not required to stay in a relationship where you are treated badly, especially when it’s creating a bad environment for your children. You KNOW he can control himself bc he does it around company. You don’t matter as much to him as keeping face does — think about that.
Thank you! :,,,( it hurts to read the last para but you are right. I have tried talking and will again .... it usually ends up in more war of words. Emotionally feel exhausted ... I will definitely make an appointment with a therapist for myself.
Tell him you have an appointment and that he can come if he wants. Just a statement, don't go arguing about it or anything. Move on regardless. But whether he makes it a priority or blows it off should be an additional signal. Ultimately, he needs to realize that relationships are built on mutual respect, and shouting shows lack of respect for your and your relationship. That he's taking you for granted and is on the verge of losing you. That you are a person and you don't have to put up with his crap forever.
Tell him he needs to prioritize getting some help with this issue for the sake of your kids and the marriage. I am also a senior manager (at Amazon) and my job is stressful as hell, and there have been a few times I have externalized that on others and I am not proud of it. I try to use exercise and meditation to help me manage the stress, but have also seen a therapist in the past and am likely to again soon. I am also divorced and have kids, so life is super complicated and busy here too even outside of work.
I would have suggested sitting down with him and discussing your side of the stoey ow he is affecting you, but given that you are intimidated by his personality, that cannot be done. Do friends know of these, would it be a good idea for a close friend to intervene? It does sound like he isn't a bad person and just has an anger issue, otherwise a providing supportive partner, can him changing his job help? If not then a therapist is what you must convince him, if he loves you and his children, he must change his behavior else he will lose them. For many Asians, mental health had a stigma, not sure if that is the case here, but someone must convince him his problem is just another medical issue which might be fixable, and it isn't any different from going to a doctor for other ailments.
Show him this thread
Hi mom! Yeah dad's been an ass lately you should leave him cuz the house isn't safe anymore...I feel safer at McDonald's 😂
Even if he won't go, you should go to a therapist yourself. They'll be able to get more context and help guide you better than Blind will.