Dating advice

IBM abnejc
Jan 16, 2018 65 Comments

Since everyone is asking dating advice on here lol....I haven't dated in a while and travel alot for my job. I want to start dating to potentially find a long-term partner. How do I do that? What's the best way to meet quality nice guys? P.S. I'm a girl, I don't really drink alcohol so I don't go to bars much. And I don't like apps like tinder where the majority of users will be looking for more casual hookups. Any suggestions?

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TOP 65 Comments
  • Airbnb ilovebelos
    Unless you have a condition, it’s weird to not drink alcohol. I’d recommend doing the social tradition ancestors nearly everywhere have done for millenia.
    Jan 16, 2018 28
    • Apple Veet51
      Perhaps you need to consider joining AA if you feel so passionately about the need for drinking, because such passion is certainly not normal.
      Jan 20, 2018
    • Airbnb ilovebelos
      You fool it’s the passion to be right!
      Jan 20, 2018
    • Apple Veet51
      Ah, here come the insults when he has nothing productive to add to the discussion. It isn't a good use of my time to debate with someone who can't distinguish his opinions from general facts, so good day to you.
      Jan 20, 2018
    • Airbnb ilovebelos
      Wtf? I just laid a mountain of knowledge on you. Lighten up
      Jan 20, 2018
    • Airbnb ilovebelos
      Lol and you started the derailment by suggesting I go to the AA. Are you a troll bot?
      Jan 20, 2018
    • Aon Hewitt qTXq04
      Not drinking is being immature? Seems like quite the opposite with you @ilovebelos 😂😂
      Jan 20, 2018
    • Airbnb microsvc
      I’m not allergic or anything but the taste of alcohol kinda turns me off. maybe I’ve been drinking the wrong crap?
      Mar 1, 2018
    • Aon Hewitt qTXq04
      It tastes like medicine
      Mar 1, 2018
    • Seed CX
      browbeater

      Seed CX

      PRE
      Seed CX
      browbeatermore
      Just stumbled upon this. I used to drink quite heavily. After a few arrests and near-death experiences (nights in ERs, a week in ICU) due to booze and drugs, I finally gave it up. It's been almost 3 years, and it's hard to build a social life. But it's either sobriety or death. I don't feel the need to get into this with strangers, but apparently I might need to start if people seem to think it makes me weird or boring.

      The "boring" part really gets me because I've got stories that could make a best-seller, and a sexual history that could make a lot of rock stars blush. You never know someone's backstory, and them declining a drink doesn't tell you any of it.
      Jun 6, 2018
    • Aon Hewitt Skjgvg
      Agreed people who drink are the least borimg, they basically don't need it
      Jun 6, 2018
  • Accenture / Other
    obamacare

    Accenture Other

    BIO
    Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act
    obamacaremore
    As much as I hate to say it, it’s basically a numbers game where your odds of success go up proportionately with the amount of likeminded people you meet. Outside of glib bullshit like “be attractive and don’t be unattractive” that’s how it works.

    Also just as my personal bias as a guy it pays to keep an open mind. Don’t come up with a hard list of dealbreakers where the only men who would be eligible are the kind of men 80% of women would wife in a heartbeat. As an asian, I’ve dated white, Nigerian, taller/shorter than me and women of all social classes. I know a woman who went to the local high prestige private college and only want white dudes taller than 6’, football player but lean not chunky, history major but not going into academia but law, and must be 2 years older than her at least. Needless to say she’s still single.
    Jan 16, 2018 4
    • Duck Creek G1441
      Starcraft
      Jan 16, 2018
    • LinkedIn tLnQ54
      Well when you price yourself out of the market, you don't get a lot of buyers lol
      Jan 16, 2018
    • Google YTBs33
      Haha great post Accenture, made me chuckle
      Jan 16, 2018
    • Airbnb sRmz24
      It's dating people ... its not the same as ordering your fave frappuccino vanilla soy latte. Why are we making it so complicated?
      Jan 17, 2018
  • Zillow Group hYtJ18
    Men with healthy friendships with women make the best dates, in my experience. They're able to relax and not treat everything like a race to get laid at all costs.

    My fav men (including partner) have all been met through friends.
    Jan 16, 2018 0
  • Google / Eng ungoogley
    Ugh. I feel your pain OP. I am fairly focused on my work and hobbies, so I don't go out that often other than to do my own things. I really am not a fan of drinking. I wish I could enjoy it, like everyone else seems to -- but it's just so uninteresting and one-dimensional to me. Tinder yields very few people I'd ever swipe on and I feel gross just being on it, I wind up being disappointed and deleting it every time I convince myself to try -- I really feel awkward with the idea of online dating as I feel it requires you to invest time in something that should otherwise happen organically. I also don't feel most people my age have any interest in long-term type stuff, and usually don't even have their act together career and life wise.
    Jan 16, 2018 5
    • Cruise Automation / Eng
      Just curious, what age are you?
      Jan 17, 2018
    • IBM jsocjf
      OP here. To be honest I think I wouldn't mind staying single and just having enjoying life if all my friends weren't getting married and settling down. If I had more single fun friends, I'd probably feel less pressure. But it's not fun being alone, so here I am now hoping to find someone.... And yea it's hard. Are you a girl or boy?
      Jan 17, 2018
    • Google / Eng ungoogley
      Guy, late 20s. And yes, I'm content being single -- but I feel life could be supplemented and better by having someone to explore it with.
      Jan 17, 2018
    • Cruise Automation / Eng
      I'm very surprised that people in their late 20s aren't interested in something long-term. I know that's true for my age group (I'm 24) but I'm younger.
      Jan 17, 2018
    • IBM jsocjf
      Everyone is different. Some people in late 30 or 40 tried marriage and it was for them. Some people get married at age 19.... Just whatever suits them. I'm late 20's, not looking for 'marriage' but I''m ready to find a long-term partner to share life with.
      Jan 18, 2018
  • Cruise Automation / Eng
    I met my current bf through tinder. We got closer because he helped me prep for interviews.

    I met my last ex off a reddit chatroom. The relationship was great while it lasted and we were a good match.

    I don't drink much either because I get nothing out of it but asian glow.

    The way I approached dating was to use a dating app or two (I prefer tinder and the league), as well as attend as many social events as I'd like. I did a lot of meetups with internet friends, which was a lot of fun (and still are) - some of my closest friends come from those, including my ex.
    Don't be so close-minded about tinder - I like it because it has the most variety out of all the apps I've seen. Whatever your type is, you'll find it there. I don't hookup either and I never found it a problem.

    For you though, the league might be a good option for you to start, if you find tinder daunting. http://bnc.lt/eWSc/HgehNRHnLJ
    Jan 16, 2018 7
    • Cool thanks. Might check out the league.
      Jan 16, 2018
    • Amazon Coolidge
      Damn this would basically be the dream for me. Achievable if I was taller, more attractive, and working at a more impressive company.

      Brb, putting my leetcode on my tinder bio
      Jan 16, 2018
    • Cruise Automation / Eng
      Lol @coolidge what's the dream for you?
      Jan 16, 2018
    • Amazon Coolidge
      I’m (stupidly, beggars can’t be choosers) basically exclusively looking for a partner in tech. You’ve managed that presumably on the other end through the sorts of things I spend a big chunk of my life doing anyway lol.

      I’m on a bit of a self improvement kick so maybe that’ll change, but I’m not terribly optimistic.
      Jan 16, 2018
    • Cruise Automation / Eng
      Ah, I see. Yeah, just get to know more tech people then. Tinder and the league would probably have the most. You could also try conferences but you'd have to take a different approach and start as friends.

      Self improvement is fantastic too.

      Good luck! Hope you find yours soon. ☺️

      I might also mention - my bf isn't all that tall (taller than me though!) and he isn't the most attractive but he takes very good care of me.
      Jan 17, 2018
    • Microsoft FlyingT
      I find the league to provide the same guys over and over again. I don’t know if my preferences just cuts everyone off or what. The ones I do match with don’t say anything. Annoying as heck since they seems active to just match then not say anything. But I met my ex on tinder, he wasn’t bad but cheap as hell. I think tinder can be ok but too many people swiping makes it tiring. If you try Tinder, make sure not to give up too quickly when you swipe left so much within the first few days.
      Jan 21, 2018
    • Cruise Automation / Eng
      ^ I agree for the most part with this.

      They do get dinged for not talking to you though
      Jan 22, 2018
  • Microsoft / Eng 20% raise
    Tinder isn’t just for hookups anymore.
    Jan 16, 2018 0
  • LinkedIn tLnQ54
    I completely understand where you're coming from. A lot of my friends are settling down as well and getting married. However I knew from the start that I wanted to live my life on my own terms and enjoy it the way I best see fit. Don't be pressured to follow a lifestyle that you ultimately don't want to pursue. You will be miserable in the end.

    Go out and try your best to meet new people. It's going to take work but the results will speak for themselves.

    Remember you determine your own happiness. No one else can do this for you.
    Jan 17, 2018 1
    • Aon Hewitt qTXq04
      Well said and agreed, do what makes you happy!
      Jan 20, 2018
  • What's your location? In general, pick up hobbies and pursue interests that'll get you out some more. Go to events with friends. Or meet someone at work. I know several ibmers who have done this.
    Jan 16, 2018 1
    • IBM jsocjf
      OP here. Yea I need to go out more, I kept thinking once I settle in a permanent location I would go out more, thanks.
      Jan 16, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng 🏗SEA🚧
    Learn to dance. Cool, healthy, beautiful people that doesn’t need a drink to have fun.
    Jan 16, 2018 0
  • LinkedIn tLnQ54
    Its also recommended to be upfront with your intentions. If you hang out with some folks and you see someone you're interested in? Let him know...directly. Men appreciate honestly and directness. Its also a great way not to waste your time if he isn't interested
    Jan 16, 2018 0
  • Aon Hewitt qTXq04
    Consultants generally date on projects, I know 4 couples who are married now and that was from one project. It helps because everyone understands the lifestyle
    Jan 16, 2018 1
    • Zillow Group hYtJ18
      "It helps because everyone understands the lifestyle"

      ^ truth
      Jan 16, 2018
  • Tinder / Eng
    imacat🐈

    Tinder Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    imacat🐈more
    Ask your friends to set you up with someone, maybe?
    Jan 19, 2018 0
  • Google / Eng KBkc57
    During interactions with men, give an indication that you are open to dating. This involves flirting back, spending time with people one on one, being enthusiastic about plans someone mentions to you or asks you out to, etc. And hopefully you'll find a nice guy.
    Jan 16, 2018 0
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Revinate JPQ
    Travel within the country or outside?
    If you're outside of the country, (though works wherever), just ask someone you fancy for information, like directions. It's an ice breaker.
    Jan 16, 2018 2
    • IBM jsocjf
      You're right. I need to just stop being shy and talk to strangers more often. Thanks.
      Jan 16, 2018
    • Revinate JPQ
      You're welcome. I can understand being shy. That's part of why I'm suggesting something a bit less daunting than a huge behavioral shift. If interested, the man will make the move, verbally, once the completely plain conversation starts:
      - "Is there parking around here?"
      - "Did the number ## bus already pass by?"
      - "Why is there no sun in this city?"

      He is less likely to approach to show interest​ on his own. (And in places like California, such a thing is now harassment). Guys understand where that sentiment comes from, and don't want to offend nor frighten a stranger. Game on if you speak first though.
      Jan 16, 2018
  • Apple / Eng
    Marijuana

    Apple Eng

    PRE
    Google
    BIO
    I ain’t got no worries.
    Marijuanamore
    Location?

    Generally speaking, use Bumble.
    Jan 16, 2018 0

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