Since everyone is asking dating advice on here lol....I haven't dated in a while and travel alot for my job. I want to start dating to potentially find a long-term partner. How do I do that? What's the best way to meet quality nice guys? P.S. I'm a girl, I don't really drink alcohol so I don't go to bars much. And I don't like apps like tinder where the majority of users will be looking for more casual hookups. Any suggestions?
- Airbnb ilovebelosUnless you have a condition, it’s weird to not drink alcohol. I’d recommend doing the social tradition ancestors nearly everywhere have done for millenia.
- Seed CX browbeatermoreJust stumbled upon this. I used to drink quite heavily. After a few arrests and near-death experiences (nights in ERs, a week in ICU) due to booze and drugs, I finally gave it up. It's been almost 3 years, and it's hard to build a social life. But it's either sobriety or death. I don't feel the need to get into this with strangers, but apparently I might need to start if people seem to think it makes me weird or boring.
The "boring" part really gets me because I've got stories that could make a best-seller, and a sexual history that could make a lot of rock stars blush. You never know someone's backstory, and them declining a drink doesn't tell you any of it.Jun 6, 2018 0
- Accenture / Other obamacaremoreAs much as I hate to say it, it’s basically a numbers game where your odds of success go up proportionately with the amount of likeminded people you meet. Outside of glib bullshit like “be attractive and don’t be unattractive” that’s how it works.
Also just as my personal bias as a guy it pays to keep an open mind. Don’t come up with a hard list of dealbreakers where the only men who would be eligible are the kind of men 80% of women would wife in a heartbeat. As an asian, I’ve dated white, Nigerian, taller/shorter than me and women of all social classes. I know a woman who went to the local high prestige private college and only want white dudes taller than 6’, football player but lean not chunky, history major but not going into academia but law, and must be 2 years older than her at least. Needless to say she’s still single.
- Ugh. I feel your pain OP. I am fairly focused on my work and hobbies, so I don't go out that often other than to do my own things. I really am not a fan of drinking. I wish I could enjoy it, like everyone else seems to -- but it's just so uninteresting and one-dimensional to me. Tinder yields very few people I'd ever swipe on and I feel gross just being on it, I wind up being disappointed and deleting it every time I convince myself to try -- I really feel awkward with the idea of online dating as I feel it requires you to invest time in something that should otherwise happen organically. I also don't feel most people my age have any interest in long-term type stuff, and usually don't even have their act together career and life wise.
- OP here. To be honest I think I wouldn't mind staying single and just having enjoying life if all my friends weren't getting married and settling down. If I had more single fun friends, I'd probably feel less pressure. But it's not fun being alone, so here I am now hoping to find someone.... And yea it's hard. Are you a girl or boy?Jan 17, 2018 1
- I met my current bf through tinder. We got closer because he helped me prep for interviews.
I met my last ex off a reddit chatroom. The relationship was great while it lasted and we were a good match.
I don't drink much either because I get nothing out of it but asian glow.
The way I approached dating was to use a dating app or two (I prefer tinder and the league), as well as attend as many social events as I'd like. I did a lot of meetups with internet friends, which was a lot of fun (and still are) - some of my closest friends come from those, including my ex.
Don't be so close-minded about tinder - I like it because it has the most variety out of all the apps I've seen. Whatever your type is, you'll find it there. I don't hookup either and I never found it a problem.
For you though, the league might be a good option for you to start, if you find tinder daunting. http://bnc.lt/eWSc/HgehNRHnLJ
- I’m (stupidly, beggars can’t be choosers) basically exclusively looking for a partner in tech. You’ve managed that presumably on the other end through the sorts of things I spend a big chunk of my life doing anyway lol.
I’m on a bit of a self improvement kick so maybe that’ll change, but I’m not terribly optimistic.
- Ah, I see. Yeah, just get to know more tech people then. Tinder and the league would probably have the most. You could also try conferences but you'd have to take a different approach and start as friends.
Self improvement is fantastic too.
Good luck! Hope you find yours soon. ☺️
I might also mention - my bf isn't all that tall (taller than me though!) and he isn't the most attractive but he takes very good care of me.Jan 17, 2018 2
- Microsoft FlyingTI find the league to provide the same guys over and over again. I don’t know if my preferences just cuts everyone off or what. The ones I do match with don’t say anything. Annoying as heck since they seems active to just match then not say anything. But I met my ex on tinder, he wasn’t bad but cheap as hell. I think tinder can be ok but too many people swiping makes it tiring. If you try Tinder, make sure not to give up too quickly when you swipe left so much within the first few days.Jan 21, 2018 1
- I completely understand where you're coming from. A lot of my friends are settling down as well and getting married. However I knew from the start that I wanted to live my life on my own terms and enjoy it the way I best see fit. Don't be pressured to follow a lifestyle that you ultimately don't want to pursue. You will be miserable in the end.
Go out and try your best to meet new people. It's going to take work but the results will speak for themselves.
Remember you determine your own happiness. No one else can do this for you.
- IBM CryptobroWhat's your location? In general, pick up hobbies and pursue interests that'll get you out some more. Go to events with friends. Or meet someone at work. I know several ibmers who have done this.
- Consultants generally date on projects, I know 4 couples who are married now and that was from one project. It helps because everyone understands the lifestyle
Flagged by the community.
- Travel within the country or outside?
If you're outside of the country, (though works wherever), just ask someone you fancy for information, like directions. It's an ice breaker.
- You're welcome. I can understand being shy. That's part of why I'm suggesting something a bit less daunting than a huge behavioral shift. If interested, the man will make the move, verbally, once the completely plain conversation starts:
- "Is there parking around here?"
- "Did the number ## bus already pass by?"
- "Why is there no sun in this city?"
He is less likely to approach to show interest on his own. (And in places like California, such a thing is now harassment). Guys understand where that sentiment comes from, and don't want to offend nor frighten a stranger. Game on if you speak first though.