I am almost finalizing my divorce and have been through very rough patch in last 3-4 years. My golden years and time period went down the drain. However, I tried to brush off the pain and pick up myself and get back in the game. I have been trying to start dating again but it just does not work. People who have been through similar situations are not interested to meet or talk or date in SF Bay area. I want to find someone with the intention of settling down in the near future. Any advice?
- Exactly. Looks like OP got out of the marriage without a major hit. That may not be the case the second time around. Relationships, especially LTRs, are defensive moves. You get into them with the primary motive of not getting screwed. If you are thinking of all the fun it will be, you are going to take a lot of risk. Then one fine day it's going to come down crashing.
- Amazon / Eng Am A BotMy relationship with my wife had very little passion to start with (she’s a very quiet contained person). And somehow 12 years in when I got home from my first long business trip we had the best sex ever. We talked about it, figured out why, and now have an even better relationship with more passion than we could have dreamed of. It just took some work.Mar 24, 2018 2
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- Facebook StormManACan you give us tips to avoid similar problems that you have faced. I’m sure some of us are interested and want to learn from the hardship you’ve been through. It must be difficult...
- This is so sad. You're not alone OP. You probably want kids because you are lonely. An easy way out is to adopt a kid. If you want to propagate your genes... well, you gotta marry again. If you are religious then you may find better luck in the conservative religious crowd.
- You want to marry again. Dear God. Why? Why? It only gets harder the second time.
- Amazon / Eng VigilanteMany people with your profile try dancing. Besides that, it’s a great life investment, and you get to meet very cool people. Ping me if you want guidance.
- Lyft AmpmoreI got divorced. I started therapy, adopted a rescue dog, ran 5ks, went to concerts and hikes with groups of colleagues, made new friends. After four years, one of them became my romantic partner. After 3 years, we’re marrying in November.
Focus on who you want to be in the next relationship and you will get there.
- Lyft kovaxHow serious are you?
Very serious? Move to NYC without delay.
Not very serious? stay here and learn market economics the hard way.
- Boeing / Eng stoopiderYou aren't really ready for a committed relationship till you have healed enough to not feel compelled to chase one.
Get yourself on solid footing (emotional, social, spiritual, and usage of time), and do some introspection. What led to choosing the bad spouse? What boundaries could you have set to make a difference? What did you learn about yourself and grow from? Do you want a partner for the company and what you can give them, or because you can't stand being alone with yourself and/or need affirmation?
Right now the answers are not as important as you being honest with yourself about them. Once you lick that, finding the path from present you to future you is much more clear.
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