Dating after Divorce?

Salesforce &2234~]]
Mar 21, 2018 53 Comments

I am almost finalizing my divorce and have been through very rough patch in last 3-4 years. My golden years and time period went down the drain. However, I tried to brush off the pain and pick up myself and get back in the game. I have been trying to start dating again but it just does not work. People who have been through similar situations are not interested to meet or talk or date in SF Bay area. I want to find someone with the intention of settling down in the near future. Any advice?

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TOP 53 Comments
  • Microsoft MacroHard©
    That's what you get for being dumb enough to get married
    Mar 21, 2018 8
    • Microsoft BelRed
      That's very uncool of you man. Don't kick OP he's already down.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      I would do it again if it were with the right person. It is not marriage that breaks a relationship it is the person you are married to.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Microsoft MacroHard©
      No but seriously it's a dumb concept. Who stays passionate about someone longer than 10 years? As much as you might be in love with someone, the feeling always comes to an end. Those who don't forget this can be in happy relationships without the legal issues of marriage.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • New / Eng RhpJ71
      Exactly. Looks like OP got out of the marriage without a major hit. That may not be the case the second time around. Relationships, especially LTRs, are defensive moves. You get into them with the primary motive of not getting screwed. If you are thinking of all the fun it will be, you are going to take a lot of risk. Then one fine day it's going to come down crashing.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
      My relationship with my wife had very little passion to start with (she’s a very quiet contained person). And somehow 12 years in when I got home from my first long business trip we had the best sex ever. We talked about it, figured out why, and now have an even better relationship with more passion than we could have dreamed of. It just took some work.
      Mar 24, 2018
    • Microsoft MacroHard©
      So let me get this straight. You have been having sex with the same person for 12 years?
      Mar 24, 2018
    • New / Eng RhpJ71
      Isn't that the point of marriage. People make it sound like sleeping with different people is somehow more fun. It gets depressing after a while knowing that it's meaningless.
      Mar 24, 2018
    • Microsoft MacroHard©
      I just don't get turned on after a few yrs with same girl
      Mar 24, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      I am not sure. I really do not want to further waste my time in hookups. They are not helpful. I would rather find someone for long term and who wants to settle down.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng Dr.13
      I can't even get a hookup from hookup apps. 😂😂😂
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Apple / Eng Hesus
      Me neither. Lol
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng Dr.13
      Yay we suck (not dick at least)
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Apple Okidoki
      I’ve got few friends who got matched and married using OkCupid
      Mar 21, 2018
    • PayPal / Other Xpay
      Shaadi.com is really helpful to settle down for good
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Microsoft Insaness
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Axtria s.hawkingg
      shadi.com, dilmil, coffee meets bagel
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Aon Hewitt Qqwjxdt
      The League, Bumble, ask friends
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Afiniti JMXK67
      I married on singlemuslim.com. Unlike the name it is not for Muslims only.
      Mar 21, 2018
  • Facebook StormManA
    Can you give us tips to avoid similar problems that you have faced. I’m sure some of us are interested and want to learn from the hardship you’ve been through. It must be difficult...
    Mar 21, 2018 10
    • Microsoft
      yMcg47

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore
      yMcg47more
      Yea what happened with your marriage and what led you to pick the wrong person?
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      Just a wrong person who faked love in a relationship to come to the US. Once they got what they wanted ( immigration status and job) it all went downhill from that point on and they started harassing and torturing. Just hard to believe this shit happens (& that it can happen to yourself).
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Microsoft
      yMcg47

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore
      yMcg47more
      So how can you do better?
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      I don’t know yet. A very hard question to answer at the moment.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Microsoft
      yMcg47

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore
      yMcg47more
      Aren’t you risking making the exact same mistake again?
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      Could be but I am kind of giving up... just tired of being alone
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Microsoft
      yMcg47

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore
      yMcg47more
      Oh maybe you need a dog
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      Sure
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Microsoft
      yMcg47

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore
      yMcg47more
      Or a cat
      Mar 21, 2018
    • New / Eng RhpJ71
      This is so sad. You're not alone OP. You probably want kids because you are lonely. An easy way out is to adopt a kid. If you want to propagate your genes... well, you gotta marry again. If you are religious then you may find better luck in the conservative religious crowd.
      Mar 21, 2018
  • New / Eng RhpJ71
    You want to marry again. Dear God. Why? Why? It only gets harder the second time.
    Mar 21, 2018 3
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      I never really had a marriage the first time. My guess is it is a great but not required. I would love to find someone who is ok to be in committed relationship as I want to have kids.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • New / Eng RhpJ71
      If you want kids, then you should marry. Don't go halfway. Marry. Become a family man/woman. Adore your kids. Love your spouse. Stay away from drugs, alcohol and adultery. Go all the way and be the good and complete dad.

      If you don't want kids, then don't marry.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      This ☝🏽
      Mar 22, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng Vigilante
    Many people with your profile try dancing. Besides that, it’s a great life investment, and you get to meet very cool people. Ping me if you want guidance.
    Mar 21, 2018 1
    • Amazon 123raj
      Salsa bro checking in!
      Mar 22, 2018
  • Lyft
    Amp

    Lyft

    PRE
    Facebook
    Ampmore
    I got divorced. I started therapy, adopted a rescue dog, ran 5ks, went to concerts and hikes with groups of colleagues, made new friends. After four years, one of them became my romantic partner. After 3 years, we’re marrying in November.

    Focus on who you want to be in the next relationship and you will get there.
    Mar 22, 2018 0
  • Intel traderking
    Attend a church. You'll find mature woman there.
    Mar 21, 2018 0
  • Lyft kovax
    How serious are you?
    Very serious? Move to NYC without delay.
    Not very serious? stay here and learn market economics the hard way.
    Mar 21, 2018 4
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      Sf bay sucks. Too much racism and hatred. People don’t date outside their race
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      I am asian not white/black. Tried outside but its difficult.
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      @op - bruh u can say u r indian when someone asks you..no need to be wshamed
      Mar 22, 2018
    • Salesforce &2234~]]
      OP
      Why would everyone be Indian on the app? Malaysian to be precise.
      Mar 22, 2018
  • Boeing / Eng stoopider
    You aren't really ready for a committed relationship till you have healed enough to not feel compelled to chase one.

    Get yourself on solid footing (emotional, social, spiritual, and usage of time), and do some introspection. What led to choosing the bad spouse? What boundaries could you have set to make a difference? What did you learn about yourself and grow from? Do you want a partner for the company and what you can give them, or because you can't stand being alone with yourself and/or need affirmation?

    Right now the answers are not as important as you being honest with yourself about them. Once you lick that, finding the path from present you to future you is much more clear.
    Mar 21, 2018 2
  • Microsoft / Eng Mmmkaaay
    Lolz that you people assume OP is male
    Mar 21, 2018 0
  • Flagged by the community.

  • New / Eng wGTA03
    Tinder
    Mar 21, 2018 2
    • Intel blind09
      Dude.....
      Mar 21, 2018
    • Expeditors tsIY14
      I met my boyfriend on Tinder. Been together over 2 years. You have to sift through a lot of shitty people, but it *can* work out.
      Mar 21, 2018
  • Cognizant / Other
    ub40ib50

    Cognizant Other

    BIO
    Experienced technology product manager
    ub40ib50more
    If it happens to me, I wouldn't dare after such experience! Enuf is Enuf!
    Apr 24, 2018 0
  • Amazon / Eng 1q2w3r
    Get a hobby or three
    Mar 21, 2018 0

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