Background: I am being divorced after 12 years of marriage and having 2 kids. Living in California for the last 6 years. 2 years ago I started mediation and I thought managed to convince my wife that is the best option for us to save on lawyers. I was wrong. After agreeing on joint child custody (50%) and splitting the assets during the mediation she turned around and hired a lawyer and started the litigation. I had to find a lawyer too. Since then the whole thing just keeps dragging on. Only two open issues left: child support and alimony. The first is computed using a formula in CA. The second: no matter what I do I will need to pay lifelong alimony given 10+ year marriage. But like I said the case is not moving on. Question: 1. Would it be a good idea to fire my lawyer and go self representation? I did tons of research anyway so far. Or 2. Should i just a hire a different lawyer? It feels like the divorce is a business here in the US where the attorney’s interest are completely misaligned with yours. Thanks.
Does she earn? If she earns a good amount, why would they require you to pay alimony?
She almost certainly earns much less. The alimony formulas are gender blind and based off of income and parenting split. eta: yeah ok so she earns 40k and lives in the Bay, and can’t move away bc OP has 50/50 custody and needs to stay here for his job that pays 10x more. alimony is unavoidable and also warranted
I like how people say the alimony formulas are gender neutral. And 90%+ alimony is paid by men, because they are the higher earners. Not because of discrimination but because of choice. Family law is the one that is blind about that.
Get a lawyer who specializes in men’s issues in family courts. Don’t think about what your ex-wife wants anymore, you’re fighting with her lawyer now, who is going to try to destroy you.
She makes $40k. I will have to pay alimony for sure (in fact I already pay temporary support). My issue is that there is no end date. Gavron warning will be added to the alimony agreement to at least to keep this thing in sanity. Also marriage or cohabitation from her part can eliminate the need for my alimony payments though. Again lawyers have a vested interest to drag this crap on and on. I feel like 3 people are bleeding me dry right now.
Yes, DIY. I sincerely think will be your best lawyer just learn to not overplay your hand when you speak- you are at the ‘mercy’ of the court and a lot of judges take their power too seriously. Just focus on getting the case moving and not irritating the court. Did you just consider ‘not divorcing’ legally ?
No, I did not. At this point I just want to move things forward and get done with it and not get screwed indefinitely.
Lifelong alimony wtf???
‘no fault divorce’ + ‘life long alimony’ = ‘death do us apart’ !!
I would say no fault divorce and joint custody combo is somewhat screwed up too. You have a parent having affair with random partners can still get 50% custody of the kids. What type of role model is that person?
Get a lawyer via references, get the best goddam one money can buy (even if you feel like you are overpaying).
Sorry about the divorce and all the misery but I still don't understand why you tagged Google?
By accident, sorry.
It’s no win. If you represent yourself, you have a fool for a client. That said, lawyers will size you up and decide how much money you’re good for. California is male hostile. You will get the 2 x 4 any which way.
Thanks for the encouragement. I want to believe I know more than my lawyers, because I did a lot research. However the legal system here is a club, and I am not member since I have no legal degree. I am an engineer.
Sorry to be such a downer. I don’t know a way out of this.
Lawyer up. Unless you want to get ripped off.
I will probably get ripped off anyway in both cases by a different person. It is either by my soon to be ex or by my lawyer. Or worst case by both.