Relationships

GF constantly complains about Bay Area

Nvidia Tumi
Dec 5

My GF is working a low paying job, with a long commute. My TC is like 4 times hers. I like my job and the future of my career is bright.

She constantly complains how much she hates the Bay Area and asks why people even live in this "shit hole". She keeps saying that she doesn't want to live here long.

I know that given time, she can work a much better job with TC comparable to me. But she's not willing to give it time. I feel that it's starting to strain our relationship (been together for 5 years).

What can I do? I don't want to leave my job at all...
Is there a point that I can make to comfort her a bit?

EDIT: TC 210k

comments

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  • T-Mobile j5no0fg
    Dec 510
    • McAfee JohnMcPee
      Easy for Barbs to say that. She didn’t have to solve a single LeetCode problem her entire life.
      Dec 5
    • Verizon / DesignSnoopDoge
      LOL
      Dec 5
    • Verizon PinkyBrain
      Stfu snoop
      Dec 5
    • Verizon / DesignSnoopDoge
      Whoa... easy there. Can’t a dude have a laugh?
      Dec 5
    • Verizon PinkyBrain
      Not on my watch. Just take your package and gtfo
      Dec 5
    • Verizon PinkyBrain
      I change my mind you can have ONE laugh
      Dec 5
    • Verizon / DesignSnoopDoge
      ROFL. I like where my package is, not intending to move it...
      Dec 5
    • Verizon PinkyBrain
      Oh so you plan Inhaling the package?
      Dec 5
    • Verizon / DesignSnoopDoge
      Are you taking your package? Verizon could have less toxic people.
      Dec 5
    • Verizon PinkyBrain
      Nah, I have faith in useless 5g.
      Dec 6
  • McAfee JohnMcPee
    Keep the job. Leave her.
    Dec 51
  • Compass / Eng
    FUPayMe

    CompassEng

    PRE
    Google
    FUPayMemore
    Bay Area blows. Move elsewhere you’ll earn similar.
    Dec 58
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Where?
      Dec 5
    • Compass / Eng
      FUPayMe

      CompassEng

      PRE
      Google
      FUPayMemore
      NYC. It’s amazing and worst case you split up there are tons of girls.
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      It's cold AF :(
      Can't stand it
      Dec 5
    • Compass / Eng
      FUPayMe

      CompassEng

      PRE
      Google
      FUPayMemore
      Earn enough money and you can do what everyone else does. Go to Miami.
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      That's another argument I've made. I keep telling here that we can only work like this while we are young. We can retire rich, and go anywhere... But that's not enough...
      Dec 5
    • Earn enough to buy a Canada Goose coat
      Dec 5
    • Walmart.com G8£r4d
      Why not Moncler?
      Dec 5
    • Compass / Eng
      FUPayMe

      CompassEng

      PRE
      Google
      FUPayMemore
      Because he has no style.
      Dec 5
  • VMware
    9inchguy

    VMware

    PRE
    Amazon
    9inchguymore
    Just curious, in what industry does your GF work to get such a shitty salary in Bay?
    Dec 57
    • Walmart.com G8£r4d
      Just as you know. Accounting firms are at 60k, bank teller 30k, marketing specialist 40k. Not everybody is a STEM.

      When you get fired at your 40s their career just getting started. They make 500k at 55 and don’t need to do anything everyday. So stop calling people shitty
      Dec 5
    • Apple applpark
      Wait I’m confused what kind of people are making 500k at 55? Bank tellers?
      Dec 5
    • Walmart.com G8£r4d
      Teller -> portfolio manager -> branch manager -> some vp-> some other vp-> regional manager -> some 500k vp.
      Dec 5
    • Facebook 한국
      Seems like the natural trajection.
      Janitor -> head of cleaning services -> ceo of company

      😂 😂
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      She's not tech, that's why she's not earning great. But she's working hard to get good at what she does
      Dec 5
    • Microsoft / EngTier 1
      Why doesn’t she apply for a job as a PM?
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      She tried, didn't have enough experience.
      Dec 5
  • Airbnb Sasasasasa
    Should be an easy switch from nvidia to something in Austin.

    FWIW you’re going to be stuck as a single tech guy in the middle of a giant sausagefest if she decides she’s fed up with it and dumps you to move away. There’s a good chance you’ll move away too then.
    Dec 55
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Good point. I don't know many people who've been at Austin, so don't know what life over there is going to be like
      Dec 5
    • Airbnb Sasasasasa
      The people are way better, the tech scene is good for hardware-ish stuff, cost of living is lower, and it’s ridiculously hot from May to September.
      Dec 5
    • Airbnb Sasasasasa
      I recommend taking a weekend trip
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Will definitely consider taking a trip there
      Dec 6
    • AMD
      5nm

      AMD

      PRE
      Intel
      5nmmore
      AMD and Intel have offices in Austin.
      Dec 6
  • RingCentral / Eng
    Duck-Bezos

    RingCentralEng

    PRE
    Yahoo, Oath
    BIO
    One life to live!
    Duck-Bezosmore
    TC or GTFO!
    Dec 51
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Added
      Dec 5
  • Walmart.com G8£r4d
    Most cities are similar but Bay Area is just worse unless you move to Texas
    Dec 57
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Austin?
      Dec 5
    • Walmart.com G8£r4d
      Something like that yeah. There are a lot of hardware companies in TX. Or maybe Intel in Oregon
      Dec 5
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      I hated Austin! Try it out first before taking the leap
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      What did you hate about it?
      Dec 5
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      No nature. Mostly flat with some green but nothing like California. Will never be weed positive. I just didn't like the energy

      And if you want to drive around, there's really nothing. Houston and Dallas are concrete jungles.
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      I've been to Houston and I hated it. Didn't think Austin would be the same
      Dec 6
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      Austin is nice. But less interesting than Oakland if you know what I mean.
      Also if you want a weekend getaway there's really no where.
      Dec 6
  • Salesforce
    Bhoot

    Salesforce

    BIO
    I am blind to something and you are too.
    Bhootmore
    This is hard. I had to end a relationship with one who wanted to move to India, another who wanted to move to Europe and a third who hated my long hours.
    Talk to her more. There are chances that there might be more incompatibilities and this is just the crack. See if you align on everything else. If Bay area is the only problem then head to Seattle.
    Dec 54
    • Apple applpark
      You work long hours at SFDC? I thought WLB was good.
      Dec 5
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      Depends on how frequently you want to get promoted and how much refreshers you want every year. It's good in the sense that if you need to work less you can. But I choose not to because I feel motivated
      Dec 5
    • Apple applpark
      Oh interesting can you share TC?
      Dec 5
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      320 around
      Dec 5
  • LinkedIn hellomoto
    I felt the same before I got a job. I constantly wanted to move back to Seattle. For me, finding hobbies and friends helped! Going to different places around the bay (Monterey, Napa, Yosemite, etc) helped me appreciate the area as well. Hope everything works out for the best!
    Dec 51
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Thanks, that's great advice.
      Dec 5
  • Cisco / OpsCiscoNewb
    Where are you from btw
    Dec 56
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Not India or China if that's what you're asking
      Dec 5
    • Cisco / OpsCiscoNewb
      No I mean where in the US did you move from?
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      NC
      Dec 5
    • Cisco / OpsCiscoNewb
      Yea that is a major downgrade. She might be missing family and friends. Have you looked at jobs in rtp?
      Dec 5
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Exactly...
      I considered that at some point, but career outlook didn't look great at the time. Plus, I'm moving at the speed of light now. I never would've thought one's career could grow this quickly here.
      Dec 5
    • Cisco / OpsCiscoNewb
      It's absolutely insane. Dont like your job? Post your resume and dozens of recruiters call every day. Just promise her you'll look for something there.. that's the best you can do besides getting a really nice apartment and car here.
      Dec 5
  • Cisco hounu
    Why dont you move closer to her office?
    Dec 52
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Already did. But it's still a long commute for her
      Dec 5
    • New vvnT76
      Is there somewhere you can live where the commute is short for her and long for you? It sounds like you made it a bit better, but maybe not enough better.
      If not why not?
      It also sounds like you have another issue you need to determine. I moved to follow my SO's job. She loved the job for a while, I hated my job, and the area too. Really me being unhappy with my job is what drove my dislike of the area. Mind you the area isn't great, but I'd get over it if I was happy at work.
      Ultimately changing jobs is our fix. This coincides with a change in locale, but only due to needing to pick an area where both of us had better job prospects than here.
      Dec 6
  • New / EngEjDf82
    Just be honest with her and tell her how much you love the Bay Area. When she says she hates it tell her you love it.
    Dec 52
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      That's what I've been doing so far! In the end, she's always like "I'm here because of you, remember that!"
      Dec 5
    • That’s total BS.

      Dump this chick and find another one, she clearly is trying to build something up here where she is “sacrificing” for you to gain leverage.
      Dec 6
  • Flexport sGKj20
    Move to the north side of the city, ideally next to or in the presidio. It’s super nice over there.
    Dec 50
  • F5 Networks / Engetcd
    Yoe?
    Dec 52
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      I'm 4. She's 2
      Dec 6
    • VMware BobbleHat
      Up the tc, then you can replace with a 9
      Dec 6
  • Microsoft Ranveer
    Is there anything you can do to help her achieve the desired TC sooner with a better commute?
    Dec 52
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Doing everything I can. She actually found her current job through a referral of one of my friends. The thing is, she does not have a lot of work experience, and she's changing work focus constantly. So hard to get enough relevant work expetience.
      Dec 6
    • Microsoft Ranveer
      is there any other city, where both of you can be happier with respect to work. Seattle Austin etx
      Dec 6
  • Juniper scandeep
    Will your TC be enough to convince her she can stay at home and or not having to go to work? If not dump her and let her leave the shit hole.
    Dec 61
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      Bad idea. What if they split up? She'll be illequipped to deal with life! Not married so no alimony.
      Dec 6
  • Twitter Akwbsj
    She's right you know
    Dec 51
    • Nvidia Tumi
      OP
      Partially. We're young and at the beginning of our careers. It's not my fault that the tech industry decided to settle in a tiny patch of land with horrible infrastructure and all sorts of crazy construction rules.
      Dec 6
  • Autodesk killerbeez
    What's a GF?
    Dec 51
  • Apple applpark
    Are you Indian?
    Dec 51
  • LinkedIn 紅色貓咪
    You’ll be hearing it forever.
    Dec 60
  • Apple / Eng
    OxKing

    AppleEng

    BIO
    Strong and built like an Ox
    OxKingmore
    Where is she originally from?
    Dec 60
  • Google / EngGrange
    Break up. TC too low.
    Dec 50
  • Microsoft / Product@zzz
    Just move dude, you have lot of options.
    Dec 50
  • New monomo
    Break the fuck up
    Dec 50

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