Is Seattle a city for Singles?

Amazon CABRADS
Oct 26 79 Comments

Why is it so difficult to go beyond a 2nd or 3rd date in this city? It seems guys (maybe girls too - guys would answer that better) lose interest real fast here. Everyone likes to keep things ‘open’! Do you feel this is a city for singles who are looking for serious relationships? Would love to know what people here think. Thanks!

Based on some comments below fair to add that I am single, newish to the city, independant, well read, active, super social and won’t get into looks as that seems little too arrogant to me! And yes I do have a bar as I am looking for a serious relationship.

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TOP 79 Comments
  • Boeing / Eng muilenbot
    It is a city made up of techbros and incels who’s only pastime consists of leetcoding for hours on end, what did you expect?
    Oct 26 26
    • Booz Allen Hamilton billyglob
      Omg just stop using money as a sense of worth. That’s really sad
      Oct 26
    • Boeing / Eng muilenbot
      Edit: Surprise surprise he never DM’d. I’ll be the bigger man (figuratively and literally LOL) and end the convo here.
      Oct 27
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Microsoft Wmum85
      @cabrads I think both Boeing and Google have just demonstrated why you have difficulty dating in Seattle.
      Oct 31
    • Google Tegriddy
      @msft pray tell how you arrived at that conclusion
      Nov 2
  • Facebook public2
    Sesttle banned dating in the 1985 freeze act. It is the worst city for singles in the country. (Look it up)
    Oct 26 3
    • Amazon CABRADS
      OP
      🤦🏻‍♀️
      Oct 26
    • Microsoft / Data _john_doe
      Lmao
      Nov 1
    • Microsoft / Data _john_doe
      I am too broken to try dating yet but can confirm that things are pretty much the same from guys' perspective here. I have a friend who is a great guy and attractive nice job and all and he tried with a girl like a month or so just to get the second/third date. She keep canceling the last minute or just didn't answer his calls the last minute. So, yeah. I think it's about finding the right person and this has a lot with where you meet them.
      Nov 1
  • Microsoft / Sales
    fratboy195

    Microsoft Sales

    PRE
    AWS Elemental, Amazon
    fratboy195more
    Here's the nuance people may miss. The Pac NW is very individualistic. People get into their own heads and it's about "their" bike rides or "their" runs or whatever you are into. I've found that many folks don't actually like people. They get annoyed when things don't line up just so. Not everyone likes sushi, does that mean she's not good enough? Or, someone may not care for hiking does that mean you don't see them again. But people do want to have sex when they are in the mood or they need a date for holiday party. If people come being authentic and real and accept others for who they are, there would be weddings every weekend. But as soon as couple hits a speed bump they leave. #therapist
    Oct 26 2
    • Amazon CABRADS
      OP
      This is so real! You just read my mind! :) 100% 👍🏼
      Oct 26
    • Samsung statarb
      Couldn’t have said any better. We have a bunch of folks who optimize for short term benefits over longer term returns. Given some of the long term investments have compounding effects, when left untouched, no one knows the true potential, let alone realizing it.
      Oct 26
  • Amazon vr38dett
    It's a city OF singles, definitely not a city FOR singles. Far difference between the two
    Oct 26 2
    • Microsoft megamanX
      Yeah, where everyone is single, everyone wants to meet someone - yet somehow everyone flakes out on dates to keep things open, and everyone is miserable
      Oct 26
    • Amazon CABRADS
      OP
      @amazon You put that so well!!
      Oct 26
  • Samsung statarb
    Based on your experience, I am inferring that you are either not good looking or uninteresting to those you are interested in. It’s relative. You are not both as you wouldn’t have gotten first or second dates.
    Oct 26 0
  • Microsoft fuckcoding
    No.
    Oct 26 0
  • Facebook bl@ckmamba
    Seattle has a sex ratio favorable to women. If you can’t get past the 2nd or 3rd, it’s something about you or you’d have to lower your standards.
    Oct 26 2
    • Amazon CABRADS
      OP
      My personal deduction to this is quantity doesn’t relate to quality always!

      Being totally honest here, I have been told that my bars are too high! But hey I am looking for a serious relationship so I shouldn’t just ‘settle’! And realistically speaking I have tons of single girlfriends and all have the same situation- it can’t be all have something wrong or has the bar too high?
      Oct 26
    • Wipro pGQn36
      From what you just said, why would you try lowering your initial bar for first date, but keep your original bar for settling. You have more chance to meet good guys, sometime they do not appear to be a good match until later. Good luck finding your SO.
      Oct 26
  • Twitch i2h2d_
    On the first date I always ask what they are looking for, why wait till 2 or 3, it’s a waste of time. Plenty of men in this city with Peter Pan syndrome. It’s pretty easy to identify which men are still trying to be “young” and “cool”. Absolutely avoid them at all cost.

    I’ve met plenty of guys that want something long term, just none that I vibe with. Maybe you should be more direct and more picky?
    Oct 26 3
    • Amazon CABRADS
      OP
      I think agreed more direct! I do find it tough to ask and kind of go with the flow. But I am picky as anything 🙈 the one thing that works to my disadvantage is that. And the ones I pick are good on paper but just with the non-commitment syndrome! So basically either I compromise to settle for something if I want a long term or stay single! 😒
      Oct 26
    • Goldman Sachs JQKq20
      Do not compromise to settle. You will regret that later and then your life will be wasted. Stick to your bar. It's better that way.
      Oct 26
    • Twitch i2h2d_
      I’ve also come to terms with the fact that Seattle may not be a place I can stay if I do not find someone date-able in the next few years. But tbh it seems like there’s a lot of good guys out there. It’s just hard to find time to meet them 😕
      Oct 26
  • Google BogoScript
    This thread is depressing as a shy guy who just moved to Seattle. Any advice?
    Oct 27 2
  • Microsoft Euler83
    Seattle Freeze is real, I was born and raised here and I have never dated a Seattle native (though to be fair I was super shy in high school).

    Not sure which online dating platform you use if any, but if you are looking for serious relationships I recommend the paid ones and definitely not Tinder. I met my wife on eHarmony and heard good things about Coffee meets Bagel but have not used it personally.
    Oct 26 0
  • Microsoft megamanX
    I lived there - it’s literally the worst place I’ve ever lived with regards to dating... and yeah, I’m no where near the only one

    https://komonews.com/news/local/seattle-is-americas-worst-city-to-find-love-says-national-dating-podcast
    Oct 26 5
    • Booz Allen Hamilton billyglob
      Why is it the worst? What if you’re exceptionally good looking with a great personality?
      Oct 26
    • Microsoft megamanX
      Well... I’ve done fine in other cities and am currently quite happy outside Seattle... the only time I was miserable and struggled was my time in Seattle - so 🤷‍♂️
      Oct 26
    • Booz Allen Hamilton billyglob
      Are you referring to the city of Seattle or the greater area like Redmond, Bellevue, Kirkland, etc.
      Oct 27
    • Microsoft megamanX
      To the above - yes... I tried to date all over the metro, but I was actually told by girls in Seattle that they don’t want to date men on the other side of the lake... which is 8 miles... and that seems super weird to me
      Oct 27
    • Booz Allen Hamilton billyglob
      That is super weird. Good thing you didn’t date them. It’s good to know that this dating style only applies to the city and not all of “Seattle”/greater Seattle area.
      Oct 27
  • Microsoft AERA22
    What are the kinds of things you are picky about? Looks? Sociability? Intelligence? Sense of humor? Calm versus passionate? Income? Job prestige? Hobby and interests overlap? Love languages? Religion? Open mindedness? Wow that was a big potential list 😮
    Oct 26 1
    • Amazon CABRADS
      OP
      I never really made a list but I usually first see if I sense an attraction. The attraction to me stems from:

      1) Physical attributes for sure is important, you need to feel attracted.
      2) Thinking - do we think the same way and if not how we complement each other.
      3) Education - this is really important for me.
      4) Lastly, how does he make me feel when I am with him. Like excited, happy, positive!
      Oct 26
  • Amazon CABRADS
    OP
    @r0926a - what exact change do you think I should make?
    Oct 26 1
    • Blue Origin r0926a
      Seattle is a city of conformity through nonconformity. Ignore the gender roles you were taught. If you want to go out on a date, ask them out. If you have to make all the plans. If you can't get a commitment, move on, but I would caution just because ppl are not outwardly buying in does not mean they are not committed. Most importantly, figure out what you like about the Pacific northwest culture and tie it to things about your home culture and use that as a starting point for meeting and getting to know ppl.
      Oct 26
  • Blue Origin r0926a
    As in any city, there are lots of couples and there are lots of singles. There are 3rd, 4th, and 5th dates to be had. The Seattle scenery and is very inviting, but Seattle to its core is reluctant and reserved towards things from the outside. It is naturally difficult to spark a long relationship or even string together multiple dates if you are infiltrating the region and don't share a lot in common. This is the same as in any other area. One of the differences hear is that there is no pressure to couple as in more smaller, rural, and conservative areas.

    As far as being non definitive (passive aggressive), that's is just Seattle. You get over it or you leave. To expect a region to adopt your expectations, is a failure on your part and is a change you will have to make.
    Oct 26 3
    • SAP yr4d3
      And, pray, what change should she make?
      Oct 26
    • Blue Origin r0926a
      She has to adapt to her new area (it is not going to change), she can request a definitive time, she can go with the flow of Seattle, she can remain single, she can leave, etc.
      Oct 26
    • Booz Allen Hamilton billyglob
      Why would you say Seattle is passive aggressive? I’m truly interested.
      Oct 26
  • Microsoft AERA22
    Are you clear with what your looking for and finding out what the guys are looking for in the first date? Are you in a rush? I eventually want to find the right person, but really enjoy meeting new people and hearing their life perspectives so the dating process itself is fun for me (I go on 4 or so dates a week). That takes the pressure off personally.
    Oct 26 2
    • Amazon CABRADS
      OP
      I am quite clear on what I am looking for. Not rush but who doesn’t like a companion?! :) I do wish I had time to do 3-4 dates a week, I can barely get one in. But yes I absolutely love meeting new people etc. And usually do go in with much expectations. But it just seems like a rabbit hole after 3-4 dates, there is still texting but seems to get a date I have to do the lot/most of the planning and that makes be doubt if there are still interested!
      Oct 26
    • Microsoft AERA22
      Honestly to me it sounds like you are doing fine - these things just take time unless you get super lucky! The only actionable things I can think of are (1) try to figure out by the second or third date if there is really potential, and if there is be very clear that you feel that way, and (2) go on more first dates. If you suggest something very easy for you to slip into your schedule it should be easy - a drink or coffee after work or even bringing them to something you're gonna do anyway like a run or spin class etc. That is hard if you live outside the main city. You could try Skype calling first to get an idea of whether or not there is chemistry I that case.
      Oct 26
  • Symantec / Eng _nullptr
    Oct 26 0
  • LinkedIn
    notml

    LinkedIn

    BIO
    c
    notmlmore
    Is it possible you are overthinking? or maybe you scare them by making them feel you are rushing things too far? For me I think I made a mistake that I was "looking" for somebody and then ended up in relationship prematurely. Now I prefer to start as friends to avoid overthinking it.
    Oct 26 0
  • Am female in Seattle and have had the HARDEST time finding anyone willing to even entertain a serious relationship. this city sucks for dating.
    Oct 26 0
  • New / Eng ssGb03
    The answer to this question will probably answer your question, how much do you weigh and are you ok looking or better?
    Oct 26 2
    • Amazon CABRADS
      OP
      Haha really how so? But well I will just say it like it is .... I never fall short of getting compliments on how I look so zero issues there! And I weigh 109 pounds!
      Oct 26
    • New / Eng ssGb03
      Yeah nvm then who TF knows maybe you are just boring in bed or something maybe move to a cooler city
      Oct 26

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