Life sucks.

Intel lifesucks$
Nov 10, 2018 96 Comments

Currently in mid 30s and been a happy person all my life. Good at studies, good school, good job. Married to a person who is not at all liking me now and giving me hell for the past few years. Spent 6 + years of hell with her. No matter how hard I try to make the relationship workout, seeing no interest from the other side. Life is monotonous, lonely and getting even suicidal thoughts. Thought about divorce many times but lacking the courage or having false hopes that things will work out given spent 7 years in the relationship. Not motivated at all these days to do anything fun. Having impact on work life and flunking on-sites too at other companies. Health spoiled, parents worried. I can't imagine that women can be so rude and harsh. Not sure what the intentions of my wife are, I am feeling bad and sad every single day. How to cope up with this. Feeling like living in a jail with an enemy who is giving hell. Have a house and the spouse does not want to sell. Need some positive advice and at the same time some courage to take the needed course of action.

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TOP 96 Comments
  • Amazon 12356.$/8/
    Do you have kids?
    Nov 10, 2018 7
    • Intel lifesucks$
      OP
      Fortunate or unfortunate no kids yet.
      Nov 10, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Then Eject OP.
      Nov 10, 2018
    • New / Eng cato
      Very fortunate, no doubt! I hate to talk bad about somebody I don’t know, but your wife sounds terrible. Unless you are not disclosing some horribleness on your part such as cheating, abusiveness, etc.

      You sound smart and compassionate, don’t hurt yourself. Find somebody who cares about you for real! Probably not in the bay tho
      Nov 10, 2018
    • Intel lifesucks$
      OP
      Not cheating but constant mental and emotional harrasment. Clearly with the actions not talking, talking rudely, hurting with words, sleeping in other room, starting fights for small small things etc.
      Nov 10, 2018
    • Oracle Xmx32G
      Sounds like she wants out but you to get the blame. I'd say eat the cost and split. Not worth it really. 6 years ain't too much.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Microsoft watisthis
      Dang Oracle sounds right unfortunately for OP.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • New / Finance
      rusty.gait

      New Finance

      BIO
      cubicle monkey that analyzes and prices shit
      rusty.gaitmore
      Yeah, girl checked out, but doesn't want blame and be the asshole for the relationship ending. Just sign the papers, and take every single penny you can OP.
      Nov 11, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Nielsen / Eng
      userperson

      Nielsen Eng

      PRE
      Google
      userpersonmore
      Idk man. If the guy feels this is a comfortable avenue, let him have it. People find help in different ways.
      Nov 10, 2018
    • New / Eng cato
      This would be a terrible post for FB. Just plain wrong
      Nov 10, 2018
    • Google s89
      Worst reply ever. His wife can sue him if he does it...
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Nielsen / Eng
      userperson

      Nielsen Eng

      PRE
      Google
      userpersonmore
      ^?
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Microsoft / Product @zzz
    If no kids or anything, seriously consider separation and then divorce. One life, there is absolutely no point in being unhappy.
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Apple Derric
      Is wife working too ?
      Nov 10, 2018
    • Nielsen / Eng
      userperson

      Nielsen Eng

      PRE
      Google
      userpersonmore
      Traditional Indian marriage by what regard? I'm not very informed on the topic.
      Nov 10, 2018
    • LinkedIn kEIg25
      Crap this is a dicey situation.

      1. Be clear to the hilt. Wanna stay with her or wanna move on.
      2. Dont try to date and start a relationship. Can be used against u.
      3. If u feel no point in continuing... talk a competent lawyer immediately. If possible come to india with ur wife on the pretext of meeting ur relatives and start divorce proceedings here.
      4. In background secure a xfer to Intel BLR. This makes u financially a war machine in this fight.
      5. Extricate urself and move on!
      Nov 10, 2018
    • Oracle 2 the moon
      What's BLR?
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      BLR = bangalore like SFO = san francisco.
      Get with the times Steve.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Intel / Other 10% ESPP!
      Come on, it's Bengaluru now, get with the times. :P
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Bengaluru is just such a shitty name. I donno why they changed Bombay/Madras/Calcutta- such good names.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Apple LgVT62q
      Don’t go to India. She can file false criminal cases against you on 498a etc. It’s super common these days.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • LinkedIn kEIg25
      Well the jurisdiction of crime has to be india for 498A... if OP is in US right from start after marriage... 498A is not applicable. Consult a divorce lawyer though. Keep the exercise covert!
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Intuit Merc77
    If you!=happy AND kids=0 then exit;
    Nov 10, 2018 2
    • Amazon 123raj
      Kids == 0
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
      As Merc77 wrote it... that statement always evaluates to false. ;)
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Location?
    Depends on the country and society where you reside. Divorce can be a costly affair.
    Nov 10, 2018 2
    • Amazon 123raj
      Nothing is more valuable than peace of mind
      Nov 10, 2018
    • New lolcrap
      It will only get more expensive if he waits. Not that that's what matters - living a decent life is way more important than property, especially if you work in tech and can recover financially.
      Nov 10, 2018
  • Oracle FuToi
    Seek marriage counseling immediately. Maybe both of you are just incompatible. Based on outcome of counseling, you can decide on next steps. Call suicide prevention hotline if suicidal thoughts persist. 800 273 8255.
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • Google FatTy
    Google marriedredpill subReddit. Read it apply it.
    Know when its worth working on something and when its time to walk away. If its later run now. Although if you are the problem and your wife is just a reflection of it then your next relationship will turn out to be the same.
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • Bank of The West / Consultant
    GSW

    Bank of The West Consultant

    PRE
    Cisco, eBay, NetApp, VMware
    GSWmore
    Dude

    Start documenting everything you know (past and go-forward)

    If you file for divorce please ensure that you go to India leave her there and cone back here else she(her side) May file for false case against you and you would have to give up your passport

    If you know what she wants it would help. If she wants out best is to settle out of court ($$) and file for mutual divorce.

    If you think this will become a stupid legal mess then its not worth for you to file for a divorce. Its always best that girl files for divorce as the Indian law is just shitty and biased.

    You have to talk to a good lawyer and also prepare and safeguard any family in India. The # of false accusation are high in such cases and even though Supreme Court has clearly ruled that no arrest should be made without any investigation, cops will want “something” or they will show up to arrest.

    Good luck. If you need good representation in Delhi area let me know.
    Nov 11, 2018 5
    • Adobe cQKG54
      Does it matter if the woman files for a divorce. Although I see that women are hesitant in filing for divorce. Are there any financial consequences involved.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Bank of The West / Consultant
      GSW

      Bank of The West Consultant

      PRE
      Cisco, eBay, NetApp, VMware
      GSWmore
      Indian courts take it well when woman files it. When men files it there are more complications unless there is real
      Proof of “physical abuse” by women.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Adobe cQKG54
      Hmm. I can vouch for what you are saying. Two of my acquaintances (male) filed for divorce and immediately were charged for physical abuse and dowry. But I still don't know what is the difference if a woman files for it firstly. Are the possibilities low in that case for them to come up with false charges and higher amount of money.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Bank of The West / Consultant
      GSW

      Bank of The West Consultant

      PRE
      Cisco, eBay, NetApp, VMware
      GSWmore
      Yes those bogus charge usually don’t come up as women is looking for alimony not revenge
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Adobe cQKG54
      If the woman herself is looking for alimony then she won't get much if she is working. So the worst situation for women is that husband is not filing for a divorce. Then they just have no way out.
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Google Gdffjdhdjv
    How exactly does she make your life hell ? I’ve never been married and am really curious how women can torture men
    Nov 10, 2018 5
    • Amazon 123raj
      Lmao! Pm me brother.
      Also if u've not been with a chic it's not your fault. You cant predetermine the kinda shit u'll face.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Google Gdffjdhdjv
      Hahaha like what can an angry wife do ? She can’t beat you, she can yell at you but that’s no big deal
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Yeah we'll see what you have to say when u face it regularly for 6 months leave alone years.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • RackWare Dreamlight
      Curious, why not share it in this thread for everyone to see? Single here, looking to get married soon. I could use your wisdom.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Well the long and short of it is women on average are more neurotic than men and there're higher chances of them being emotional. So expect more fights/anger issues popping up.
      Plus as men we'll in most cases look for solutions.
      Women are not wired that way. They go for the feels and wanna *talk* about everything.
      Men in general would be happy with basics and want a peaceful relationship. Whereas some women would be addicted to drama cause that makes em feel passionate/alive.

      Not saying all men are like this and all women are like that. But average sure is.
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Amazon / IT Trying2018
    May sound ridiculous but stop reading any news. Forget about green card or any other issue for a while and believe me, you will be ok no matter what. Next step, take a vacation, not going back to Indian to meet family or going out with friends but just you and your spouse. Go some place fun, romantic. Third, after you come back from vacation think about the situation and do as your heart says. Your gut feeling will help you come out of it.
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • Cisco / Eng @blind@
    If you have spent 6 years in trying to make things work, please move on.
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • Uber / Eng Unofficial
    Most of our Indian men and women fail at dealing a conflict discussion. This is an indication of not getting ready for marriage. We are good at studies but fails to understand human relationships. Social pressure is another aspect .

    If you want to try : Give a honest try, unlearn everything what you know about her. Tell her that you really want to try. Spend more time with her, plan a vacation. Involve in every decision you make. Make her feel that her options are valued

    If you want to divorce: be smart with your financials and documents.Don’t get into a relationships unless you know how to deal with conflicted opinions
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • LinkedIn !jweiner
    That sucks. If I can suggest one thing to do everyday that might help a bit is working out. I know it sounds stupid but the last 3 yrs had been really tough for me too. My health started failing, I was depressed, lonely even though I had a lot of people around. Mindfulness and working out have had a very positive impact and I would definitely recommend you to do it regularly no matter how much you don't want to. Coming back to the issue about your wife I would recommend taking to someone like a therapist. I don't know enough to comment on this but if this is making you feel so bad I would also try talking to your wife about it and telling her how much it bothers you without making it sounds like you are blaming her. If she is willing to you could also try couples therapy. I hope things get better and I will repeat that the best thing you can do right now is taking care of your mind and body by practicing meditation and just working out
    Nov 10, 2018 3
    • Yelp CapKirk
      Could you let me know how did u get better at meditation? Any useful material?
      Nov 10, 2018
    • LinkedIn !jweiner
      I am by no means an expert but I have mostly used apps like 1 giant mind and headspace. I am not the kind of person who can sit still for long and concentrate. Personally for me working out has helped more. That's coming from a guy who never went to the gym till he was 25
      Nov 10, 2018
    • LinkedIn kEIg25
      Totally awesome man... glad u came out of it. 💪
      Nov 12, 2018
  • AMD
    5nm

    AMD

    PRE
    Intel
    5nmmore
    It’s been “6+ years of hell with her”? Man, that’s 5.5 years too many! Why are you asking for situational advice on Blind? You should be asking for a good divorce lawyer instead!!!! Leave now to a friend’s house (or a hotel), meet a lawyer on Monday, file for divorce next week!
    Nov 11, 2018 2
    • Amazon 123raj
      And get some strippers in Vegas for new years.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • LinkedIn kEIg25
      ☝️
      Nov 12, 2018
  • Uber ggcxjj
    If two people can't live happily together... You owe it to both of you to separate
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
    My wife’s PhD advisor was in this situation and got divorced with no kids the first time around. She called it a “starter marriage”. It took her about 5-6 years to get over that and she’s been happily remarried for 15 years now.
    Nov 11, 2018 2
    • Amazon 123raj
      Starter marriage?! Interesting ..sounds like me. If i dont get a good one i think i'll have starter , main course and dessert marriages 😁
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
      More like a “starter home” than the appetizer analogy. It was a 2005-2007 reference where everyone said it was stupid not to buy a house. So people bought really small places as starter homes and moved to larger ones once they settled down, had spouses/partners and eventually kids.
      Nov 11, 2018
  • New
    nfs

    New

    PRE
    Booking.com
    nfsmore
    Dude, you don't have kids and are in the prime of your life, divorce. You'll be better off alone, and also able to find someone else a lot quicker when you'll feel that you are ready.

    No matter what you do:
    Don't have kids!
    It won't fix the problem, it will just make it worst plus you will be tied to her forever (financially and emotionally).

    I know so many men and women who divorced without kids and learned through this experience what are they looking for in a spouse and are now super happy (and with kids).
    Nov 11, 2018 2
    • Amazon 123raj
      Why does everyone say having kids wont solve the problem?
      Genuinely curious - imo wont having a kid and caring for him divert attention from the couple's own bickering and fights ? And aim for the bigger picture - i.e well being of the kid.
      Nov 11, 2018
    • New
      nfs

      New

      PRE
      Booking.com
      nfsmore
      Because having kids is challenging and requires a lot of energies and supporting each other. Doesnt sound like he gets support from her.
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Amazon / Mgmt KYuG83
    Take the red pill
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • PeerStreet / Other
    JkwbQhab

    PeerStreet Other

    PRE
    Amazon
    JkwbQhabmore
    Have you thought about faking your own death?
    Nov 14, 2018 1
    • LinkedIn Gstiwbsh
      This is something interesting. I am
      In much worst situation than OP, but I have kids, which is the only thing thats keeping me walk away from this insanely torturous marriage
      Nov 15, 2018
  • Google KDCk31
    Better to waste just 7 years than the rest of your life. Consider what you may need to do to make things better for you. Don't let time from the past hold you back.
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • Salesforce mailit
    There's only one way out, which is divorce. There's no other option so you might as well do it now. It'll just get worse if you wait. Do it for your wife's sake too. She's probably unhappy as well. You're depressed anyways. Why not take a shot at being happy?
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • Google / Eng spoooky
    You should have cut your losses a long time ago.
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • Intel Phs(
    Leave ASAP.
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • Applause AbiV55
    Divorce especially if you don’t have children. It’s only tough at the early stages but I promise it gets better after you just do it to breathe again. Think about the adage of ripping the band-aid off. Good luck and life can be wonderful especially when you find love.
    Nov 10, 2018 1
    • Amazon 123raj
      US laws wont be any better mate.
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Collective Health RushHour
    Take the wife out on a boating trip and come back without her.
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • Cisco binmer
    Divorce
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • Microsoft SapSucker
    Very few things as soul crushing as being married to the wrong person. Improve both your lives and call it quits.
    Nov 11, 2018 1
    • Amazon 123raj
      Even being single is better than that?
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Intuit PzyY83
    What is the root of the change- you’re saying 6 months in she just flipped? There were no red flags to begin with? Does she work or stays home? Is it possible she’s depressed? 7 year itch is a real thing as well. There are a lot of phases of relationships. You’re basically saying there has never been a good time?
    Nov 11, 2018 1
    • Intuit sydney
      Read about this 7 year itch after seeing your post. Feel like I am headed there
      Nov 15, 2018
  • TIAA lxlc00
    It’s never too late.
    Trust me, don’t cry about lost 6 year. Think of next 50 years.
    Nov 26, 2018 0
  • Amazon Tough life
    Before you file for divorce, gather evidence against her. Speak to a lawyer on what evidence if of abuse can a man present in court .
    Nov 12, 2018 0
  • Amazon / Ops Smoothies
    Did you guys sign a prenup?
    Either way, check if you both want to see a marriage counselor.
    If she says no, then prepare yourself to file for a divorce. It’s not the end of the world.
    If she says yes, then I hope you both put a sincere effort in improving the relationship. The other possibility is that you two are very different people with different upbringing, different ways of living a life, different expectations and different core values. In that case, even marriage counseling won’t work. So bee prepared to file for a divorce. Trust me it’s the best thing that can happen to you both right now if you two are not meant to be together.
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • LiquidHub FsKP78
    Your health and happiness matter. Honestly, I would recommend a therapist if you are comfortable going to therapy and having one. Therapy has helped me immeasurably. Marriage advice is hard to give without knowing you both and your situation- if both parties want to make it work, then sometimes things can change course for the better, but I don’t know that anyone else can tell you what to do in that regard. I will say, divorce before suicide (especially if you have children, but either way- you matter!). As for a small thing that may help, there’s a science of wellbeing course offered for free on Coursera that was originally offered at Yale that I would checkout. I am so sorry you are having a difficult time right now. It will be sunnier one day.
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • Apple LgVT62q
    Sorry to hear that! But, since you are Indian, I am sorry to say you are f**ed. She can now file false cases under 498a against you, thanks to the radical feminist laws. Best case scenario for you is that she is working, accepts to split and takes half of your shit! Be strong.. future would be greater!
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • Facebook homelogic
    4 years from now you're going to be in the same situation, but now 10+ years in. Is that something you want?
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • Apple / Other Red99
    If you could not make it work in 6yrs it will not work, if anything you will just get used to the pain.

    Seek divorce asap, Divorce is expensive coz its worth it.
    Nov 10, 2018 0
  • New / Eng uhYr23
    TC?
    Nov 11, 2018 2
    • Microsoft watisthis
      GTFO man
      Nov 11, 2018
    • New / Eng uhYr23
      Why so sexist?
      Nov 11, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Intel lifesucks$
      OP
      Can you please elaborate on 50% income minus hers?. If I get a divorce here, do I still need to apply for one in India?
      Nov 11, 2018
    • Intel lifesucks$
      OP
      Is this division going to be forever?.
      Nov 11, 2018
  • LeanTaaS ♥️ data
    OP: did you decide anything?
    Nov 29, 2018 1
    • Intel rNNc40
      Not yet decided. Giving it one or two months. Going to counseling snd joined HIIT and meditation.
      Dec 9, 2018
  • Microsoft / Consultant Kejekr
    Try to find a way to work from another city for one week. You’ll see that you can live better without her.
    Nov 12, 2018 1
    • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
      I took a job in a nearby city about 9 months after my eldest was born (causing our marriage hit the rocks). It was the worst 12 months of our entire relationship. I came back only on weekends, and the weeknights were powerfully lonely. It made us realize how much we both liked and loved one another. After 2 months of that we started talking things out. After 2 more months, we were well on our way to repairing things. By the 9 month mark we were both desperate to be back together, and I started looking for a new job close to home.
      Nov 12, 2018
  • Intuit KyuX73
    If you are married under 10 years then it will be half the length of marriage. Otherwise I think it's forever...
    Nov 11, 2018 1
    • New / Eng uhYr23
      What is forever?
      Nov 11, 2018
  • Prosper
    Dadahound

    Prosper

    BIO
    Tall white dude
    Dadahoundmore
    How did you guys end up married in the first place? How do you expect people to help you when they dont even know the story and when it took the bad turn?
    Step one: learn to put a story together. Maybe... it will help better communicate
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • New SJGS85
    This may not be good advice just trying to be different some people enjoy torturing others and good acting or blaming you when you go to therapist or to family your spouse may fall in that category...I feel having your mobile record your conversations when ever you have a quarrel or fight this might be your best diffense as domestic violence laws favor for woman ...analyze the common point that she uses the tactics to blame you try not to repeat them and see .....skip going home for few days and return back make sure you are not doing any wrongdoing just spend outside and then go keep increasing the duration and mix it this might make her complain about you to her parents you can use your tapes fr evidence as suggested by someone go back to India and file diverse here I’ve seen in friends case it’s quiet a hell when domestic violence involved on men
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • LeanTaaS thuglife
    Get her a job
    Nov 11, 2018 0
  • PayPal Plowyy
    OP, please please consult a therapist or a counselor!
    Nov 11, 2018 0

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