Currently in mid 30s and been a happy person all my life. Good at studies, good school, good job. Married to a person who is not at all liking me now and giving me hell for the past few years. Spent 6 + years of hell with her. No matter how hard I try to make the relationship workout, seeing no interest from the other side. Life is monotonous, lonely and getting even suicidal thoughts. Thought about divorce many times but lacking the courage or having false hopes that things will work out given spent 7 years in the relationship. Not motivated at all these days to do anything fun. Having impact on work life and flunking on-sites too at other companies. Health spoiled, parents worried. I can't imagine that women can be so rude and harsh. Not sure what the intentions of my wife are, I am feeling bad and sad every single day. How to cope up with this. Feeling like living in a jail with an enemy who is giving hell. Have a house and the spouse does not want to sell. Need some positive advice and at the same time some courage to take the needed course of action.
- Very fortunate, no doubt! I hate to talk bad about somebody I don’t know, but your wife sounds terrible. Unless you are not disclosing some horribleness on your part such as cheating, abusiveness, etc.
You sound smart and compassionate, don’t hurt yourself. Find somebody who cares about you for real! Probably not in the bay thoNov 10, 2018 8
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- Crap this is a dicey situation.
1. Be clear to the hilt. Wanna stay with her or wanna move on.
2. Dont try to date and start a relationship. Can be used against u.
3. If u feel no point in continuing... talk a competent lawyer immediately. If possible come to india with ur wife on the pretext of meeting ur relatives and start divorce proceedings here.
4. In background secure a xfer to Intel BLR. This makes u financially a war machine in this fight.
5. Extricate urself and move on!Nov 10, 2018 5
- New ArcherHoodLocation?
Depends on the country and society where you reside. Divorce can be a costly affair.
- Google FatTyGoogle marriedredpill subReddit. Read it apply it.
Know when its worth working on something and when its time to walk away. If its later run now. Although if you are the problem and your wife is just a reflection of it then your next relationship will turn out to be the same.
Start documenting everything you know (past and go-forward)
If you file for divorce please ensure that you go to India leave her there and cone back here else she(her side) May file for false case against you and you would have to give up your passport
If you know what she wants it would help. If she wants out best is to settle out of court ($$) and file for mutual divorce.
If you think this will become a stupid legal mess then its not worth for you to file for a divorce. Its always best that girl files for divorce as the Indian law is just shitty and biased.
You have to talk to a good lawyer and also prepare and safeguard any family in India. The # of false accusation are high in such cases and even though Supreme Court has clearly ruled that no arrest should be made without any investigation, cops will want “something” or they will show up to arrest.
Good luck. If you need good representation in Delhi area let me know.
- Hmm. I can vouch for what you are saying. Two of my acquaintances (male) filed for divorce and immediately were charged for physical abuse and dowry. But I still don't know what is the difference if a woman files for it firstly. Are the possibilities low in that case for them to come up with false charges and higher amount of money.
- How exactly does she make your life hell ? I’ve never been married and am really curious how women can torture men
- Well the long and short of it is women on average are more neurotic than men and there're higher chances of them being emotional. So expect more fights/anger issues popping up.
Plus as men we'll in most cases look for solutions.
Women are not wired that way. They go for the feels and wanna *talk* about everything.
Men in general would be happy with basics and want a peaceful relationship. Whereas some women would be addicted to drama cause that makes em feel passionate/alive.
Not saying all men are like this and all women are like that. But average sure is.Nov 11, 2018 9
- Amazon / IT Trying2018May sound ridiculous but stop reading any news. Forget about green card or any other issue for a while and believe me, you will be ok no matter what. Next step, take a vacation, not going back to Indian to meet family or going out with friends but just you and your spouse. Go some place fun, romantic. Third, after you come back from vacation think about the situation and do as your heart says. Your gut feeling will help you come out of it.
- Uber / Eng UnofficialMost of our Indian men and women fail at dealing a conflict discussion. This is an indication of not getting ready for marriage. We are good at studies but fails to understand human relationships. Social pressure is another aspect .
If you want to try : Give a honest try, unlearn everything what you know about her. Tell her that you really want to try. Spend more time with her, plan a vacation. Involve in every decision you make. Make her feel that her options are valued
If you want to divorce: be smart with your financials and documents.Don’t get into a relationships unless you know how to deal with conflicted opinions
- That sucks. If I can suggest one thing to do everyday that might help a bit is working out. I know it sounds stupid but the last 3 yrs had been really tough for me too. My health started failing, I was depressed, lonely even though I had a lot of people around. Mindfulness and working out have had a very positive impact and I would definitely recommend you to do it regularly no matter how much you don't want to. Coming back to the issue about your wife I would recommend taking to someone like a therapist. I don't know enough to comment on this but if this is making you feel so bad I would also try talking to your wife about it and telling her how much it bothers you without making it sounds like you are blaming her. If she is willing to you could also try couples therapy. I hope things get better and I will repeat that the best thing you can do right now is taking care of your mind and body by practicing meditation and just working out
- I am by no means an expert but I have mostly used apps like 1 giant mind and headspace. I am not the kind of person who can sit still for long and concentrate. Personally for me working out has helped more. That's coming from a guy who never went to the gym till he was 25
- AMD 5nmmoreIt’s been “6+ years of hell with her”? Man, that’s 5.5 years too many! Why are you asking for situational advice on Blind? You should be asking for a good divorce lawyer instead!!!! Leave now to a friend’s house (or a hotel), meet a lawyer on Monday, file for divorce next week!
- My wife’s PhD advisor was in this situation and got divorced with no kids the first time around. She called it a “starter marriage”. It took her about 5-6 years to get over that and she’s been happily remarried for 15 years now.
- More like a “starter home” than the appetizer analogy. It was a 2005-2007 reference where everyone said it was stupid not to buy a house. So people bought really small places as starter homes and moved to larger ones once they settled down, had spouses/partners and eventually kids.
- Dude, you don't have kids and are in the prime of your life, divorce. You'll be better off alone, and also able to find someone else a lot quicker when you'll feel that you are ready.
No matter what you do:
Don't have kids!
It won't fix the problem, it will just make it worst plus you will be tied to her forever (financially and emotionally).
I know so many men and women who divorced without kids and learned through this experience what are they looking for in a spouse and are now super happy (and with kids).
- Applause AbiV55Divorce especially if you don’t have children. It’s only tough at the early stages but I promise it gets better after you just do it to breathe again. Think about the adage of ripping the band-aid off. Good luck and life can be wonderful especially when you find love.
- Microsoft SapSuckerVery few things as soul crushing as being married to the wrong person. Improve both your lives and call it quits.
- Intuit PzyY83What is the root of the change- you’re saying 6 months in she just flipped? There were no red flags to begin with? Does she work or stays home? Is it possible she’s depressed? 7 year itch is a real thing as well. There are a lot of phases of relationships. You’re basically saying there has never been a good time?
- Amazon / Ops SmoothiesDid you guys sign a prenup?
Either way, check if you both want to see a marriage counselor.
If she says no, then prepare yourself to file for a divorce. It’s not the end of the world.
If she says yes, then I hope you both put a sincere effort in improving the relationship. The other possibility is that you two are very different people with different upbringing, different ways of living a life, different expectations and different core values. In that case, even marriage counseling won’t work. So bee prepared to file for a divorce. Trust me it’s the best thing that can happen to you both right now if you two are not meant to be together.
- LiquidHub FsKP78Your health and happiness matter. Honestly, I would recommend a therapist if you are comfortable going to therapy and having one. Therapy has helped me immeasurably. Marriage advice is hard to give without knowing you both and your situation- if both parties want to make it work, then sometimes things can change course for the better, but I don’t know that anyone else can tell you what to do in that regard. I will say, divorce before suicide (especially if you have children, but either way- you matter!). As for a small thing that may help, there’s a science of wellbeing course offered for free on Coursera that was originally offered at Yale that I would checkout. I am so sorry you are having a difficult time right now. It will be sunnier one day.
- Sorry to hear that! But, since you are Indian, I am sorry to say you are f**ed. She can now file false cases under 498a against you, thanks to the radical feminist laws. Best case scenario for you is that she is working, accepts to split and takes half of your shit! Be strong.. future would be greater!
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- Microsoft / Consultant KejekrTry to find a way to work from another city for one week. You’ll see that you can live better without her.
- I took a job in a nearby city about 9 months after my eldest was born (causing our marriage hit the rocks). It was the worst 12 months of our entire relationship. I came back only on weekends, and the weeknights were powerfully lonely. It made us realize how much we both liked and loved one another. After 2 months of that we started talking things out. After 2 more months, we were well on our way to repairing things. By the 9 month mark we were both desperate to be back together, and I started looking for a new job close to home.
- Intuit KyuX73If you are married under 10 years then it will be half the length of marriage. Otherwise I think it's forever...
- New SJGS85This may not be good advice just trying to be different some people enjoy torturing others and good acting or blaming you when you go to therapist or to family your spouse may fall in that category...I feel having your mobile record your conversations when ever you have a quarrel or fight this might be your best diffense as domestic violence laws favor for woman ...analyze the common point that she uses the tactics to blame you try not to repeat them and see .....skip going home for few days and return back make sure you are not doing any wrongdoing just spend outside and then go keep increasing the duration and mix it this might make her complain about you to her parents you can use your tapes fr evidence as suggested by someone go back to India and file diverse here I’ve seen in friends case it’s quiet a hell when domestic violence involved on men