Me Too, But I Could Have Prevented It

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Tldr200

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BIO
Currently working at an SF startup. Past: One successful exit.
Tldr200more
Oct 16, 2017 346 Comments

I could have prevented it.

Don’t misunderstand this statement. I’m not saying it’s my fault. It’s not my fault. I don’t need to have a Good Will Hunting moment with you or any other stranger to understand that. I don’t need your pity. I don’t need your sympathy. I need to access your intellect. Because what we’re saying here, and what we’ve been saying for years, is stupid and unintellectual, mathematically improbable, and downright shameful.

It’s shameful that you social cherubs choosing to share all these pieces on why it’s men’s fault and they need to change, in doing so you have done the very opposite of what your “rape culture” conquest aims to do–you have taken the power away from women and given it to men.

Here's an example of the dodgy philosophy in question: https://norasamaran.com/2016/02/11/the-opposite-of-rape-culture-is-nurturance-culture-2/
This article puts the blame BACK on women and society. Like, if we just let men be more in touch with their feelings, they wouldn’t be so unnurturing and rapey! FALSE.

By putting all of the responsibility on men to be perfect citizens 100% of the time you have continued to send the message that women are helpless, powerless, at the hands of men’s sexual desires and that there is nothing they can do about it.

You. Are. Wrong.

Let me tell you a story. A story about a college girl who got blackout drunk and was raped, on more than one occasion. She said no until she was so incapacitated that she couldn’t anymore, and that’s when she forfeited her choice in the matter. She didn’t have a choice on whether she would get raped or not beyond damaging her ability to walk and form sentences. That choice was now in the hands of whatever man was around her at the time. Some of those men chose wrong for her.

When you get blackout drunk, you’re taking your choice away and trusting it with someone else. You no longer have the ability to choose if you want to have sex or not. Whoever wants to have sex with you is going to chose to have sex with you, or choose not to.

Should they choose not to? Yes. They should be a decent human being and choose to protect you and not take advantage of you. In a perfect world, every man faced with this decision would choose that. And that is what the rape culture movement campaigns for. Righteously, I might add.

But you’re forgetting something.

This isn’t a perfect world, you moronic pieces of garbage.

Stop preaching the gospel that women should be able to get blackout drunk whenever and on whatever occasion they want and expect not to be raped. You should expect to get raped. And you know what? To everyone reading this right now who feels slighted about that statement: I care more about you not getting raped, than I do about you feeling politically correct. Because I’ve been in both places. And feeling raped is a lot worse than feeling politically incorrect.

Go ahead. Tell me all day how I’m wrong for this sentiment. Tell me that I’m wrong for making women out to be deserving of rape in this situation (I’m not). Tell me how it’s mens’ responsibility to not rape us.

It’s not going to stop any one of us from getting raped.

You know what will stop women from getting raped? Choice. You mistakenly put our choice in the hands of men by telling them and society that it’s their, and only their, responsibility to not have sex with women who are incapacitated. But you are wrong.

We have a choice. We have a choice in every situation that involves getting wasted and being around men. We have the choice to not get so debilitatingly drunk that anyone who wanted to could take us to bed and do whatever they want with us. We have the choice.

“43% of the sexual victimization incidents (read: rape, sexual assault) involve alcohol consumption by victims”

If I had chosen to drink responsibly that night, I would not have been raped. I chose to put myself in a compromising situation, and I was compromised. You are playing a high stakes game anytime you choose to get wasted around strangers, and even “friends”. There is a chance someone you are playing with will rape you if given the opportunity. Why would you forfeit your hand? Why would you take that chance?

My humble (maybe not that humble) submission, is that you wouldn’t. These aren’t my emotions telling you that I feel that you shouldn’t. This is math.

“1 in 16 (6.5%) men are rapists.”

It is a mathematical fact and 6.5% of men will rape someone. If you’ve been debilitatingly drunk around more than a total of 16 men throughout the course of your life, you’ve most likely put yourself at the hands of a rapist. If you’ve made it this far in life getting wasted around lots of guys and have NOT been raped, then congratulations! You’ve won the rape lottery! Feel free to condemn this post and continue making yourself vulnerable to rapists, until it happens to you. And it will, probably, because math.

“But I only get drunk around people I know.” Yeah. I did too. Only 4% of women who are raped, are raped by a stranger. Most raped women (87%) are raped by a love interest, friend, or acquaintance.

“An American woman has a 25 to 26 percent chance of being raped in her lifetime (1 in 4).”

What the above statistic doesn’t reveal is that half of women who are raped were under the influence of substances.

“43% of the sexual victimization incidents involve alcohol consumption by victims and 69% involve alcohol consumption by the perpetrators.”

That’s 11% of all women in the US. 11% of US women have been sexually assaulted while impaired. This means that 43% of all rape victims could have lessened or eliminated their chances of being raped.

If you knew you could prevent your own rape, what would you do with that information?

(Assumptions: This post examines rape in the context of alcohol and other inebriating substances––about half of all rapes. These are not rapes that are the result of being drugged without one’s knowledge. This is not an examination of violent rapes where no substances are involved on behalf of the victim. Rape and sexual assault are interchangeable terms.)

P.S. The story is about me.

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TOP 346 Comments
  • Microsoft
    Drunk@Wоrk

    Microsoft

    PRE
    Google
    BIO
    ?
    Drunk@Wоrkmore
    Go to bed, you’re drunk
    Oct 16, 2017 4
    • Facebook Thhytg
      No, OP is dead right. Please spread the message
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft SauceNite
      No, OP is dead wrong
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Amazon kharri
      It's black! No wait, it's white! Jesus, can't even admit she may have a point? Women absolutely can and should make sure they also take responsibility for their own well being. If that means not getting black out drunk, protecting your drink, taking self defense classes, those are all good things that are all directly in your control. The world will always have shitty people- you can't control their decisions, only yours.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft Jojobot
      Since when do most rapes involve women being “blackout drunk”? This is a flawed premise to begin with.

      “National statistics dispel the direct correlation between alcohol and rape, too. The Department of Justice’s National Crime Victimization Survey has found that the number of Americans who say they’ve been raped — regardless of whether they reported that crime to the authorities — has been declining since 1979. During that same time period, binge drinking has been steadily rising. As Slate’s Amanda Hess points out, that suggests something else besides alcohol consumption is actually factoring into the nation’s sexual assault rate. Indeed, research has found that intimate partner violence declines not as people drink less, but as society moves toward gender equality.”

      https://thinkprogress.org/actually-the-link-between-sexual-assault-and-alcohol-isnt-as-clear-as-you-think-d63519b6ae6d/
      Oct 17, 2017
  • Microsoft vNKC85
    Your entire post assumes all rapes happen in a situation where a woman makes a choice to be vulnerable. You do realize there’s so many more scenarios in this discussion, right? It’s not always about getting drunk and losing consciousness.
    Oct 16, 2017 17
    • Facebook Philzzz ☕️
      Male here. My parents taught me to enjoy drinking but never to overdo it to the point where I lose control of myself.

      That's not to say I've never been pissed drunk but the lesson always stuck with me and I've only really let go in controlled environments. If I don't feel in control or safe, I won't drink or will limit myself.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Google QkDx42
      I didn't see the part where OP claimed to be solving Every Rape Ever.

      She has a point. To men, society should be saying: "Don't fucking rape. It's wrong. Jesus, it seems like we shouldn't have to explain that."

      To women, society should honestly been saying: "Listen, men shouldn't commit rape. But look, statistically, it happens. So unfortunately, you're gonna have to be careful."

      The fact that society only does the former and not the later suggests that, in a weird way, we're just as sexist as ever--men are responsible for their actions, and it's their responsibility to watch out for women, who aren't.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Hubspot Csking
      You’re acting like women don’t already act like this. We already make these adjustments and it still fucking happens. It’s literally not in our control who assaults us. That’s what the #metoo thing is. To show you it’s happened to all of us no matter how careful we were. I wish any of you could understand what that actually feels like.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Google / Eng ungoogley
      You wish we could understand what rape feels like? I'm going to try to take that statement in the 'best' way possible.

      I don't think anyone here doesn't understand the gravity of rape. You're being intellectually dishonest when you try to imply that at least a good percentage of rape isn't preventable.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Facebook Thhytg
      @Hubspot not true. I've seen many times women not take care about this in parties etc but I resist the urge to warn them for fear of retaliation.
      Oct 18, 2017
  • Microsoft SayIt
    This girl got raped and is conscious enough to take responsibility for her actions for being in a compromising situation. I don't know why people are unable to see the clarity she has of her own responsibility that contributed to the situation.
    Oct 16, 2017 17
    • Expedia Fanboy
      Thhytg-reported cases you mean. Rapes committed by people close to the victim don’t get reported as often for exactly that reason-the assailant is close to the victim.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft UltraTroll
      Rapists: dont you dare touch a woman without her full consent. You are not cool or a "bro" or macho. You're a horrible person.

      People: rapists exist. Please stay safe and not put yourselves in positions where rapists can take advantage of you. Stay in public places, don't get incapacitated, and if your gut doesn't feel right, get out of the situation
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Facebook Thhytg
      ^.
      Feminists would say: please put yourselves in positions where rapists can take advantage of you - it's your right! Practice it!! Get incapacitated if you like! Then they will empathize with victims with fake tears.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Expedia Fanboy
      UltraTroll, how old is your daughter and are you considering talking to her about consent? Not from the side where she gives it but from the side where she needs to have it as well? That’s the whole point, parents talk to their kids about giving consent. Rarely any parent talks about receiving consent or the theory of empathy and bodily autonomy.
      In other words-are you committed to make sure your daughter doesn’t become a victim, or are you also committing to help her not become a perpetrator? Because articles like this commit to one and leave out the other side
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft UltraTroll
      I will admit to my sexism here and tell you that I haven't taught my daughter about taking consent. But I would have done it if I had a son.
      Oct 17, 2017
  • Expedia Fanboy
    I had a college friend-a man, who got blackout drunk and was raped by another straight man. It happens more than you’d think because rape is mostly about power, not sex.

    So, as a dude(I’m assuming you are) , are you saying that any time you are in a vulnerable situation, that it’s ok for someone to take an advantage of you and that your state is an invitation for rape open season?
    Oct 16, 2017 11
    • Facebook Thhytg
      I'll repeat Op's message:

      Stop preaching the gospel that women should be able to get blackout drunk whenever and on whatever occasion they want and expect not to be raped. You should expect to get raped. And you know what? To everyone reading this right now who feels slighted about that statement: I care more about you not getting raped, than I do about you feeling politically correct. Because I’ve been in both places. And feeling raped is a lot worse than feeling politically incorrect.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Amazon YExs34
      This conversation is very sad. Rape and assault is never ok, regardless of the situation. And I'm so sorry for anyone, male or female, who is feeling like it was their fault. It wasn't. People are fuckers, and that is proven every day.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Pinterest dryp77
      The fact you think this is about women wanting to get black out drunk and not get raped shows how out of touch you are. I was raped. Sober. By someone I knew. Yeah. I should be able to say "me too" and have solidarity with other people that have had badness in their life. And I shouldn't have to listen to assholes like you judging me for doing so.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Amazon kharri
      Wow, it's like some of you didn't even read the original post.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft tDrK62
      So, per the article 43% rapes as cos the victim is smashed. What about the rest?
      Oct 18, 2017
  • WRKSHP / Eng
    I agree with this girl, but I can't speak out because sjws think I'm "victim blaming".

    Let me tell you something:
    What if we assume that there will always be rapists? Maybe not the friends you know because you've lectured them all about it.
    Let's just pretend for a minute.

    Now that that is true, what can you do, as a woman, or as a man, to minimize the chance that YOU will be the victim?

    There are a lot.
    1) The biggest one is - don't get wasted. Know your limits. Always be conscious of yourself. If you wanna blackout, do it at home with your bestie.
    2) Minimize acting in ways that could be interpreted as wanting sex. Don't straddle that guy you don't wanna fuck. Don't wear clothes where your boobs or butt are hanging out. Don't go over to that dude's room if he's giving you a creepy vibe.
    3) take responsibility for yourself. Think about what could happen or how random horny dudes might perceive you as. Take control of your life and do not give it up (as you do when you get drunk or high).
    4) listen to your gut.

    I'll probably get flack for this but I stand by what I said.

    And you know what I said before about pretending? That's reality, right now. You won't be able to change this reality anytime soon, so it's time to be proactive, not reactive.
    Oct 16, 2017 2
    • Microsoft UltraTroll
      You know this is generally how to get happier in life. Assume all else is constant. What can you do?
      Oct 16, 2017
    • Microsoft chownus
      I think these people have lost sight of humanity and expect every interaction to be perfectly sterile and controlled like Uber and Facebook and Twitter.

      Constantly reading and writing to a group of people who believes everything you do. That is not the real world, the real world has texture to catch the grittiness and strife to push us. Without it we become spoiled idiots.
      Oct 17, 2017
  • Apple KGHP41
    Would you kick an unconscious person? When a person is unconscious, do they give up the choice to be not kicked? As a society, we have bad people. It is our job to teach the value of informed consent not just in matters of sex but generally. Rapists are opportunistic. If you see an unconscious girl at a party or fallen on the side of the street, it is the job of the people around her to make sure she’s safe. Wouldn’t you do the same thing if someone falls unconscious in the middle of a jungle where you know wild animals will harm them?

    Some girls have their drinks spiked. Will you say the same about their choice too?
    Oct 17, 2017 10
    • New / Other
      Tldr200

      New Other

      BIO
      Currently working at an SF startup. Past: One successful exit.
      Tldr200more
      OP
      Gee Apple, I sure wish my rapist would have been better educated on consent. If only someone had taught him how to not be so rapey, I could have been spared.

      Do you see how that doesn't work out?

      Do you think my rapist wasn't inundated with consent education at the liberal arts school he went to? He was a democrat. He was educated. He knew what rape was. He raped me anyways. Rapists will still rape no matter how much education you shove down their throats.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Yahoo oaf94089
      If he didn't know what he was doing, he needs to be punished and re-educated.

      If he knew what he was doing, he needs to be put down.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Apple KGHP41
      I am sorry for you tldr200. I was simply pointing out that there is an element of education, societal responsibility and individual responsibility. Individuals who commit the crime have to be punished. As a society we can try and prevent it by instilling good values, education and looking out for each other. Anything wrong in that?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft QeYH23
      @apple I don't think anyone (including OP) is disagreeing about that. There is nothing wrong with more education. But that is not the complete solution. You also have to be more careful for your own sake. And OP's point is that society today is focussing too much on the education part and less on the care part. Get it?
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Facebook Thhytg
      "And OP's point is that society today is focussing too much on the education part and less on the care part. Get it?" Bingo! Not only that, but feminists are crusading for reducing the care part! Leading to more unsafe situations
      Oct 18, 2017
  • Avanade libQ23
    While I’d love to agree with you on this simplistic view... it’s just not realistic nor fully accurate.

    You can not even try to tell me that my 8 year old sister, my 4 year old sister, my 2 year old cousin, my 4 year old cousin or myself at an age I can’t even remember.... that we have to take responsibility. These are the ages the abuse *started* for each of us. For my cousins, it was every damn day for 10 years.

    In all of these cases, our 3 abusers acted while they were between the ages of 8 and 23. I can tell you neither the victim nor the abusers had any alcohol in them.

    I wish I could say my family was an isolated case, but it’s just not. As we are all starting to talk about it, we’ve found countless childhood friends with the same stories... many who won’t report it or know it’s not worth it due to the statute of limitations in their state.

    I appreciate your experience and I do hear you.

    Just please do remember that not all cases are like yours. In fact based on your numbers, more than half of the cases don’t involve alcohol.

    Even still, taking the alcohol cases into account... we can look at MANY other countries and find that removing alcohol from the situation... Doesn’t. Stop. Rape. Dressing modestly... Doesn’t. Stop. Rape.

    What needs be be enforced, is empathy and accountability starting in children at a young age.
    Oct 17, 2017 7
    • Avanade libQ23
      Women are told to be careful from the age they are old enough to walk. Our mothers pass down their fear, as their mothers did to them.

      Dress modest. Don’t leave your drink. Always be with friends you trust. Don’t drink alcohol. Watch your back. Don’t walk alone.

      None of this helps because as I mentioned... there are many other countries where rape and assault are much higher, and women there dress modest, and don’t drink.

      While yes it’s always good to be careful, it’s not realistic to use being careful as the only method of solving this problem.

      It has ALREADY been the method for generations and it hasn’t helped. THIS is often why you will see people frustrated when it’s brought up.

      It is the equivalent to saying that we should teach safe sex or abstinence to women only. That saying this will prevent unwanted pregnancies.

      Note:
      EVEN IF a women was not careful and was sexually assaulted it was NOT her fault. It was NOT ok. It should be reported.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Avanade libQ23
      Ok and also one last thing... the idea that victims don’t take responsibility for not being careful is SO FUCKING NOT TRUE.

      Every. Single. Women. I know that has been abused... blamed themselves. Put the full responsibility on themselves EVEN when it was clearly not their fault.

      Blaming ones self is VERY often a reason a victim won’t come forward.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Microsoft QeYH23
      OP never said "being careful" is the only solution. (Which you are incorrectly claiming). OP specifically said she is talking about alcohol related cases, so your point about other countries with modest clothing is moot. Op also didn't say anything about modest clothing. You are extrapolating her advise about drinking in moderation to this. It feels like you are imposing your frustrations from what others have said in media / social media on her. You are right that for generations women have been blamed. And it's good that we all acknowledge that are we fighting against that. But OP point is: that in addition to that fight we must not forget common sense precautions. Now this is a fine line. Some people (like you) would say we need to downplay precautions or outright oppose it to make sure we fight victim blaming with enough intensity. What I'm saying (and probably OP) is that we don't downplay precautions. We do both. I think sending the message of "no need to be careful" is dangerous. I think it's not a b&w thing and it's ok if you think we need to downplay that. By no means I m saying it's the victim who is to blame. If I had a daughter, I would advise her to be careful (in addition to teaching her that rape is never women's fault). I would advise my son's accordingly as well. I would advise both to lock doors in their home. Sure it's the thief's fault and no one disagrees with that but for the sake of my children safety I will ask them to lock doors at night. And I feel that part shouldn't be ignored or downplayed.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Avanade libQ23
      I was responding to your comment about “being careful”. You said it’s not given attention, I fully disagree. You said it’s being ignored, I fully disagree.

      I too agree common sense precautions are great ways to protect yourself. My issue is that this is ONLY brought up when people share their abuse stories. That’s the wrong time. That downplays the abuse whether or not it’s the intention.

      As a survivor/victim I read this as a silencer. Using the #metoo platform to do anything but support women speaking up, is just horrible. Many of my friends are opening up BECAUSE of this hashtag. These kinds of posts shut people down.

      I recognize it’s likely not OPs intention, but intentions mean nothing.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Microsoft QeYH23
      Thanks and I can agree that some perceive precautions getting too much attention and drowning other voices while some perceive it's the opposite. I think that's subjective. As far as #metoo is concerned , I think it's very good idea and is bringing so much awareness.
      Oct 19, 2017
  • Amazon CAdB50
    Sorry, but fuck this post. The number of women that I know who were raped as children is obscene. Do you think that it’s their fault for being so young and weak?
    Oct 17, 2017 5
    • Microsoft
      Freya ❤️

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Goddess of sexual pleasure and other pleasant things. I have left Microsoft and am working at Amazon but, of course, my opinions are my own.
      Freya ❤️more
      I think she is limiting her judgment to adults who drink excessively. I don’t necessarily agree with blaming victims but I don’t think that blaming people who were raped as children is what she intended.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • New / Sales ILikeTurtl
      She, the woman who was raped, is covering the 50% of rape cases that included alcohol. Does that include children? Most cases not. So does it make sense to use her own story to challenge women to be careful about giving away your security? Yes.

      Did you some how miss the fact that it’s her own story? Yes.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Mirantis
      Hi_

      Mirantis

      PRE
      Google, Facebook, Goldman Sachs
      Hi_more
      Did you read the article? It's explicitly about the half involving intoxication. She stated it several times.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Amazon CAdB50
      Why would I post a comment if I hadn’t read the article, moron? Op’s argument is that 1 in 6 men are rapists, just waiting for Op to get drunk enough to rape, thus it’s OP’s fault she was raped (despite her weak protest that she’s not victim blaming, she very clearly is). Ok, great, stop drinking, you won’t get raped while you’re drunk, you probably will be healthier, you probably won’t get a DUI, yay!

      What about all the other sober victims?
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Apple / Eng Iris Yeh
      1 in 16* men. You clearly didn’t read the article.
      Oct 18, 2017
  • Fitbit dillpkkl
    Written by a dude. Started a new acct. I'd bet a thousand dollars.
    Oct 17, 2017 5
    • New / Other
      Tldr200

      New Other

      BIO
      Currently working at an SF startup. Past: One successful exit.
      Tldr200more
      OP
      27 yo woman, on Blind since day 1, would gladly take your $1000 and donate it to a rape prevention charity
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Fitbit dillpkkl
      Then why does your acct say "new" ? And this reeks of some ignorant half assed effort at a "Google manafesto"?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • New / Sales ILikeTurtl
      My account still says “new” and I’ve been on quite a while. Company is too small to share the name. Thus defeating the purpose of an anon posting app.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • New / Sales ILikeTurtl
      Plus, your mom is a “Google manifesto”
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft UltraTroll
      Manafesto*
      Oct 18, 2017
  • Cisco vortavox
    What the hell is this nonsense. It’s a dramatic misconception that this shit happens as the result of intoxication or party scene.

    What about the time two men followed me down the street at night for 8 blocks cat calling me? What about when the creep on the subway grabbed my thigh and tried to jam his hand up my skirt? What about the guy who drunk texts explicit, unwanted obscene messages about how things he wants to do to me?

    You are part of the problem. I hope you know that.
    Oct 17, 2017 2
    • Microsoft QeYH23
      Op didn't claim intoxication is the only context this happens in. But he/she chose to focus on that part. And as per op's numbers 43% of cases are like that. Op is not saying that it's not the rapist's fault. It is. But Op is saying we can be more careful for our own sake. This is just in addition to everything else that must be done to stop rape.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Mirantis
      Hi_

      Mirantis

      PRE
      Google, Facebook, Goldman Sachs
      Hi_more
      Congrats, you are in the 50% of cases OP explicitly said she wasn't talking about. Can you read?
      Oct 18, 2017
  • Credit Karma Johmy
    Lol the logic of idiots: "if you get drunk or have a fever and pass out, take personal responsibility for getting raped. But if you see a passed out person and rape them, well there's just no personal responsibility, shit happens."

    Literal victim blaming.
    Oct 17, 2017 10
    • Microsoft QeYH23
      Johmy you are missing op's point (and ultratroll's point). No one is saying we should stop awareness or stop education about consent. Do that but also be careful for your own sake. This does not dilute your point about education and awareness. Do that . But don't ignore the part of common Sense precautions. That part is immensely downplayed in the social media currently. Get it?
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Credit Karma Johmy
      You know the thing that was downplayed in the coverage of 9/11? Why didn't those people wear parachutes? I mean it's common sense - the twin towers had been bombed less than 10 years before. By focusing on hijackers we're removing agency from the people who died. They kind of put themselves in that position of burning alive rather than taking common sense precautions.

      ^i hope this helps demonstrate why this line of argument about rape is callous and ridiculous.

      As if women don't already have to take a ton of precautions (like Blind users never heard of rape whistles or all the "be safe" lectures at women at college orientations.) As if women or men are choosing to get "blackout" drunk when really it's just young people don't necessarily know their limits immediately. As if our culture wasn't still struggling to decide if rape jokes are still amusing or not.

      Considering that women do take extra means to protect themselves as it is, what do you guys think needs to be done to prevent men like Harvey Weinstein or some dude from the dorm that has a creeper rep after dating a few people in that dorm? Should women just know better than to try and work for a male boss or go on dates?
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Microsoft UltraTroll
      So what you are saying, in essence, is that no safety precautions should have been installed after 9/11 because it's all the terrorists fault and we should teach them not to kill

      I'll take your point about women taking precautions, like carrying mace, etc. But OPs point was alcohol which is for sure a problem in these situations
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Microsoft QeYH23
      Thanks Johmy for a fair reply. You are right precautions is not the solution to prevent Harvey assaults. It's not also the solution for preventing intoxication related rape. We do need solutions for that. But that doesn't mean it's blasphemy to even speak about precautions. That is the point you are missing. I do agree we need solutions. 9/11 analogy is not Good. I would say it's closer to thief analogy. Thiefs are at fault when they steal but that doesn't stop you from locking your car or your home. Every analogy will have holes in it. I hope you understand the point being made. When OP says be careful you automatically bucket her with those who blame victims.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Microsoft QeYH23
      Also precautions can also be extrapolated too much. Some might extrapolate and say that ok then women should cover head to toe or they should never go out. But it's not the same. There are extremes in every thing. The point her is about drinking in moderation and I think that's a fair point. For both men and women.
      Oct 18, 2017
  • New mfml
    Don't get yourself into such situation, but come on, aren't women blamed enough for getting raped? Oh she shouldn't have worn that shorts/skirt/blouse, she shouldn't have had any alcohol, oh it's men and all they think about is sex. We have been teaching females for ever what not to do but how long have we been teaching our sons what's appropriate and what's not. Seeing the statistics, we haven't done shit to teach our sons better.
    Oct 17, 2017 8
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      I would say the decades of trying to put on the responsibility on men isn't getting the desired outcome. But we should be educating everyone.

      Or we need to accept there is no combination of policy and education that is 100% effective. Maybe we should be realistic in our expectations in how we can shape behavior.

      We should look at the country that has the lowest incidence of sexual assault see what they're doing legally and socially to address the problem.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Amazon Fonts
      How would you say we are currently putting all the responsibility on men with our education + policies? I haven't seen that.

      Conservative countries typically don't have very low rape rates. India for example is very conservative in terms of dress etc and has been grappling with rape culture lately - I would argue this is the approach that has been truly shown not to work.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      I feel like on college campuses it's all about what men should and should not be doing.

      I'm unclear about your point on India. Does it have an artificially low reported rate of sexual assault so, on paper it looks good, but in reality it is not?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • New mfml
      Exactly. We can shape the behavior (through education, being role models etc).
      For example, I have teen son. And when I had my 2nd child, I chose to bf her. My son saw me doing it daily. Tomorrow (as in the future), when he's adult, he's not going to stare at woman bf her baby and definitely not say anything of sexual nature to her. I'm sure of this as that's his behavior now as hormonal teen boy. This is (was) just 1 instance of the opportunity I used to educate/shape his behavior towards women. My motto is basically "don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you". And this applies to both kids (boy and girl).
      Gosh need to go to bed, I'm blabbering lol
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Google GayBoi69
      This
      Oct 19, 2017
  • Microsoft HGqw60
    So, tomorrow, when you’re walking down the street and get shot/stabbed/run over by car, you should be held responsible? You did choose to be there, by that decision, you allowed others around you to make that choice for you...

    Really? This is what your rant is? Go FUCK YOURSELF you worthless piece of shit!
    Oct 17, 2017 5
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      That's not really what OP is saying. Here's something more analogous: If you meandered the streets on foot drunk and walked into the intersection without waiting for the crosswalk signal and get hit by oncoming traffic, maybe you shouldn't have decided to go for a walk while intoxicated.

      Obviously things aren't that simple, though. A driver could be drunk and veer onto the sidewalk, striking you.

      There will always be the chance you get hit by a car when walking. But you can do some things to reduce, but not entirely eliminate, the risk.

      Is it that hard to pick up on that nuance that OP is expressing?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft HGqw60
      Now you’re defending the shades of gray...

      Being drunk & walking into traffic is not same thing as being drunk, crossing the street on green & being blamed for being run over. If u were sober maybe you could’ve reacted faster. This is the argument OP is making. Victim blaming is a hell if a way to justify horrific actions. Maybe if the alter-boys weren’t so damn sexy the priests would’ve left them alone. These are extremes but are very much rooted in the sane place.

      Soldiers that are killed in action know going in that this could happen, but the act of being killed isn’t pinned on them.

      Sure ppl can act more responsible in some situations, but at no time does the blame fall on them.

      Imagine the world where this line of thinking is condoned. Soon enough defense attorneys will be arguing that neglecting to give consent is in itself consent. You weren’t home, so you didn’t say my client couldn’t rob you. You didn’t beg for your life, so my client thought it was ok to shoot you. What’s next?
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      That's totally mischaracterizing OPs words. Nobody said we should blame the victim.
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Microsoft HGqw60
      ‘You are partially responsible’ was the message no? If the blame were to be assigned for the act, some portion of that blame would be assigned to the victim, no? What did i miss?
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Microsoft oH94cPk
      There's a difference between responsibility and blame. Responsibility is about assigning accountability. Blame is about assigning fault.

      For example, it's my responsibility to change my child's diaper. It is not my fault that it has shit in it.

      OP is saying that it's everyone's responsibility to ensure that they don't place themselves into a situation where the decisions are being made by bad actors. It's still the fault of the bad actors for acting badly.

      Focusing a discussion about responsibility on fault is simply a way to avoid accountability.
      Oct 19, 2017
  • Google raYj44
    Sexual harassment doesn't equal rape. Almost 1 out of 1 (woman) go through harassment, without being drunk, without being dressed inappropriately, without even saying anything. If the writer thinks that she could have prevented it, than she is not a woman. Because you cannot, no one can. We are too shocked, too embarrassed, too surprised, too angry, and get back to our logical self only later. You would do the same if it happened to you.

    I looked at rape stats. Only 50% of rape cases include alcohol, consumed by victim or rapist or both. So you can't claim that you can prevent it, dear oblivious writer. 60% of the cases by someone there victim knows, 14% by their husband. It is never the victim's fault, and it is not always something that you could prevent.

    Stop sexual (or any other) harassment. And don't find excuses for it.
    Oct 17, 2017 4
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      While I agree it needs to stop, we need to propose effective solutions that work. We can parade around the idea of stopping stop sexual harassment, but we need policy that can actually do that. I think OPs suggestions could help reduce it. But like anything, it's only one tactic to help reduce the chance of happening. Is it really a step backward for society if women followed OPs advice and rape declined?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Amazon Fonts
      No - but no one is recommending women get black out drunk or put themselves in unsafe situations. This isn't a novel new idea.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Yahoo Myself
      @raYj44 did you even finish reading the post?!?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft QeYH23
      @rayj44, you have clearly not read the post
      Oct 18, 2017
  • Pinterest Gg947pk
    I have a few friends who are victims false rape reports. Stats says 70% or more of rape reports are false. But no one speaks up about it... I would rater die or be raped than I'd go to prison for a false rape report and being raped every day...
    Oct 17, 2017 4
    • Microsoft
      Freya ❤️

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Goddess of sexual pleasure and other pleasant things. I have left Microsoft and am working at Amazon but, of course, my opinions are my own.
      Freya ❤️more
      Citation? That sounds like pure bullshit to me.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • New / Sales ILikeTurtl
      When you say friends.... you meant you saw a quote on some pin that you repinned to your “I’m a dumbass” board.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft UltraTroll
      Stats also say 70% of stats are false
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Microsoft / Eng
      OCAmIEvil

      Microsoft Eng

      BIO
      Sinful birth under the cross
      OCAmIEvilmore
      I don't know about the stats "stats", which sounds like bullshit, but #metoo has a friend who was falsely accused. Could even say, he could have prevented it by seeing she's a manipulative psychopath and GTFO, but he really liked her, and she really is good at manipulation 😂
      Oct 18, 2017
  • Amazon bGIp71
    I think there are some women who use their sexuality or their sexiness or their beauty to their advantage.
    Oct 17, 2017 4
    • Amazon / Design
      Boo👻

      Amazon Design

      PRE
      Microsoft
      Boo👻more
      What the serious fuck does that have to do with sexual assault on women? It sounds like you’re saying certain women deserve being assaulted.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Yahoo Myself
      Seriously, WTF dude?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Microsoft UltraTroll
      GTFO
      Oct 18, 2017
    • Nordstrom
      HrEj76

      Nordstrom

      PRE
      Amazon
      HrEj76more
      There are but different topic and likely bad time for this post. The histrionic personality disorder is what you are referring to.
      Oct 22, 2017
  • New CjuN22
    No. I don't care how incapacitated you are. It's not your fault.
    Oct 17, 2017 4
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      I don't think OP is blaming women or saying it is their fault. The point is to be smart and vigilant. To watch your own back to prevent yourself from being placed in a compromised position. Don't assume that all men you are around are to be trusted, when you are in an inebriated state. It's good advice to prevent getting raped in situations involving alcohol (which is only a subset of situations), but it isn't the solution to the problem.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • New / Sales ILikeTurtl
      Hahaha what a moron^2.

      1. Missed the whole point of this post, which was a woman’s personal account with rape (read it again if you missed that).
      2. She said no Good Will Hunting quotes and you fell right into it.

      Lol.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      Like I even have watched good will hunting?!?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      3. We're talking about rape here and you pointing out petty BS distracts from the real problem
      Oct 17, 2017
  • Intuit cZ3kL4n
    But people get raped without being blackout drunk. So your point about it being the woman's choice isn't always true. Women get raped without making poor choices.
    Oct 17, 2017 3
    • New / Sales ILikeTurtl
      You are so right... almost like what the OP said with the stat that she mentioned, “50% of rapes involve alcohol” = poor choices.

      The point of the post is to help reduce the “50% of rapes” by educating people to take responsibility for their own well being and be smart.

      How did you miss that?
      Best to read before you comment.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      I didn't miss that. I wanted to highlight that it isn't a fucking panacea to the problem. Best you reread the three sentences I wrote. :)
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      It's a shame you couldn't engage in discussion about the other 50% of which OP offers no solution for, and then you accuse me of not reading the post. Smh...
      Oct 17, 2017
  • Netflix oz42b1
    This is worst piece of garbage. How someone who has a mother, Grandmas, sisters, female in general can even pretend that rape is ok?

    It is not ok.
    Oct 17, 2017 2
    • Amazon kharri
      Wow. That's the message you got out of this? Do you know how to read?
      Oct 17, 2017
    • New / Sales ILikeTurtl
      They’re to busy watching Netflix to read. It’s actually a really bad culture thing that is happening inside that company right now.

      Netflix employees can no longer read.
      Oct 17, 2017
  • Amazon / Eng 💅Mmhmm💅
    I agree that people can't expect the world to be perfect, and that we have to make the choice to be cautious. That's fairly obvious, and I don't think any rational person would disagree.

    But that's not really the point. The bigger point here is to make more people aware that sexual assault is extremely common. This has several positive outcomes, like:

    1) Encouraging more women to exercise caution whenever possible
    2) Changing cultural norms around how we raise and educate men so that fewer men are inclined towards these sorts of behaviors
    3) Encouraging communities to "look out for one another" so we can collectively protect each other from sexual assault
    4) Empowering sexual assault victims. Often times, victims feel ashamed and traumatized, and perceived loneliness only magnifies these feelings. The #meToo movement may give victims more people to reach out to, or at the very least, make them feel less lonely and better equipped to handle what they've gone through.

    There are other benefits, but I think you get the gist. Showing people that sexual assault is common makes people think about it. And when people think about it, they are more inclined to do something about it.
    Oct 17, 2017 3
    • Intuit cZ3kL4n
      If we need to make people more aware of the fact that it is really common, we ought to be saying, in the same breath, that you need to be vigilant.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Amazon / Eng 💅Mmhmm💅
      Yup! That's the point. Spreading awareness makes people take actions (whether that's being a little more vigilant, or teaching people to recognize and respect boundaries) that will eventually reduce the incidence of sexual assault.
      Oct 17, 2017
    • Yahoo Myself
      You say that this post isn't really the point, but then go on to enumerate the gist of the post as your #1? She's wrong because she's only choosing to tackle 1 of the 4 areas you suggest, even though she has specifically called out that she's only addressing one part of the problem?
      Oct 17, 2017

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