Friends, I am extremely stressed out. I have a father and a mother, that fight each other to no end. Father is a abusive monster who keeps fighting and misuses his “earning power“ over my mom. I understand childrens should take care of their parents during their hard times. What if I told you, they were like that from as long I can remember and I got away from that shit pile of a life to create a new one for myself. I am not going to attempt to write more on this. Did any of you grew under abusive parents? What did you do? How do you learn to be normal and not always on the fence and scared? Essentially the relationship with my parents has been ruined.
What country are you/they from? Culture? Are you male or female? What exactly are you on the fence about/scared of? Can you give examples from real life? How is your relationship with oppose sex? Can you have a healthy fulfilling relationship? If not, what is stopping you?
Why they don't divorce, since kids alright grow up
I'm sorry. You're not responsible for their behavior. Don't let it ruin your life. My mother grew up in a very abusive family, mostly from her dad and siblings. My dad grew up similar, but not as much abuse... Just lots of chaos with his mom constantly with new guys. My mom and dad found each other and have been married for over 40 years. They're successful and they don't fight. There's Hope
Call 911 on your dad if he is in US. I had similar situation but I wasn’t earning at that time so I left home
I had to deal with some shit when growing up, but thankfully nothing at home, and most likely nothing at a level comparable to what you're talking about. Learned to be normal by faking it till I made it, it works but the process has definitely left its mark on me. That's ok, over time I've learned to make my peace. Harboring the pain alone is no way to go about things, unload all the passion once in a while - to a close friend, to a therapist, to me via PM, to a rubber duck, to a piece of paper - it doesn't matter who or what, it works. Also going the extra mile to help others and being a kind person will show that there are bad situations, but the world is also full of beautiful people. I wish you the very best.
Any way you can get your mom out of there? Sucks she's stuck there....
Sorry to hear about your situation. But yes... get her outta that situation. Try to volunteer for special projects...like big brother...soup kitchens...building shelter for homeless kids. There are shelters/homes for victims of domestic violence. Volunteer and help there. Do it for somebody else's mom..sister..daughter what you couldnt do for your mom because you were helpless. You will find solace and strength in genuinely helping people in need. Good luck.
Sad thing is, she has to want to get out. I had a similar situation with my mom, and withheld contact and left an open invitation to live with me. She left him, on her own terms, and divorced that asshole. (Not my dad)
Your first priority is to yourself and the family you might have. You have no obligation to your dad while he behaves badly. But if your family is safe, you get to set the conditions under which you will visit them. My dad had to do this with his parents when I was a kid, and it worked out ok. We would visit, but after awhile we stopped staying the night, probably because of a fight. So we'd drive 3 hours to visit, stay a few hours, and drive home. We think it actually relieved a lot of stress to visit but not stay.
Similar situation. Moved out as soon as I was able to. Help your mom if you can. Don’t let this affect your family.
Your mom chooses to stay. Don’t forget that.
She doesn't seem to have a choice
Make an appt with a therapist and ask them for advice. This is a common use case for therapy.
Strongly agree. I am in a similar situation (my dad isn’t abusive. My parents just don’t get along.) They have been fighting as far as I can remember. It’s caused me to build enough resentment that visiting them once a year seems painful. I started going to a therapist 2 months ago. With the right therapist, you will learn to deal with the stress in a healthy manner instead of constantly oscillating between anger, guilt and shame.