Risk it with gold diggers?

Medallia espressooo
May 18 69 Comments

I just hit 30 and believe I've hit "fuck you money" over the past few years through some businesses that I've started. However, I'm wondering if it's worth the risk to show a little bit of wealth purely to attract some female attention. Sounds so stupid, I know.

I'm just shocked at how difficult it is to date, or even find anyone to date, especially in the Bay area. Usually when I actually get a chance to talk to a girl, it goes well, but just meeting people in general seems to be impossible here. Even in dating apps, I get maybe 1 match every 2 or 3 months? I've gotten great feedback from female friends and coworkers about my profile and approachability in general, but obviously I'm doing something wrong lol.

I don't think I'm a terrible looking guy and have no issues talking to people as I'm currently in Sales, but have been single for over 2 years now. I've only had long term girlfriends (2-4 years) in the past that all would have worked out, but I ended up moving away and putting my career first. I'm now worried I'll never find anyone. A lot of people I know are married and have kids. I don't want to wait too long and be a creepy old 40 yo dating a 20 something, but at the same time, I REALLY don't want to date a used up divorcee with kids. Probably the same girls who ignored me in my 20s. I don't know.

TLDR: 30 and single for 2 years, have no luck attracting anyone, should I try to flaunt more money at the risk of attracting gold diggers? If I shouldn't, is there a time or age that I should? Sexually and emotionally frustrated.

TC: 900k-1.2M variable

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TOP 69 Comments
  • Amazon undertaker
    No show off... See "crazy rich asians"
    May 18 3
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      The character already had a girlfriend though, which is great. I guess my issue is getting that girlfriend in the first place haha.
      May 18
    • Amazon undertaker
      Then try to date girls with tc higher than you or who are from well off family enjoying life on daddy's money. They won't give damn about your TC
      May 18
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      That sounds great. Any idea how to find and meet said rich girls? 😮 Open to tips and suggestions. Honestly lol.
      May 18
  • Google __human__
    If I'm trying to get a signal off of just this post and be as brutally honest as I can, I'm not sure you have a reason for girls to want to come to you. You're talking about how you're approachable and successful, but not what makes you interesting or worth spending time with. Obviously that might just have not been the thing you thought to be in the post, but still worth considering. Being a nice, friendly guy is the baseline requirement to play the game, not enough for anyone to care.

    Why would a girl want to spend time with you?

    Do you have interesting hobbies that girls that you're into would want to participate in? Like, are you a dabbling musician who's into musical girls, or into hiking and outdoorsy girls, etc? Are you really into philosophy and want a girl who is into having deep conversations? Are you exceptionally passionate about tech and want someone who shares that?

    If you just optimize around getting "a girl" there's nothing really to do there. If you don't make polarizing decisions to filter towards being particularly interesting to a subset, then you will be uninteresting to everybody.

    As the only thing that is generally applicable no matter who you're after, however vain it is, have you worked on your aesthetic?

    Like do you go to them gym and stay ballpark 10% bodyfat, and do strangers compliment you on your style on the street?

    If not, that's an area to invest in.

    It's definitely better to improve your look than to do the run around, flash cash and then spend the rest of your life with it being reasonable to be paranoid of the motives of anyone you meet after starting that.

    You don't want to fall for a girl and then battle with the realization that she doesn't actually care about you and is just using you after you've already tangled your lives together.
    May 18 2
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      Yes, totally agree. 100%. And thank you for your genuine feedback.

      I didn't post about personal details about myself because I didn't want this to be a dating ad lol, but I totally get what you're saying.

      I think what I struggle with the most is exactly what you said. I don't have a good way of demonstrating value or intrigue to a random person right off the bat.

      I like to think that I'm interesting, sure, but how do you convey to someone you've lived in 6 countries, or traveled to over 40? Or that you're passionate about the business you've built? Or that you love hiking and skiing? I do on dating apps, but I don't think people read the bios or care for travel pics. I think, like you correctly mentioned, I need to get out and socialize more with people that enjoy what I enjoy doing. My problem is that a lot of my hobbies are individual 😂💔

      As for aesthetics, yes. I was a D1 athlete in my former years and have always strived to maintain that physique. Definitely not the same, but close.

      Overall though, I really appreciate your feedback. I guess I could wear fancier more stylish clothes, but doesn't that fall into flaunting? Iunno haha.
      May 18
    • Spotify fisnzk
      Stylish != crazy expensive

      Sounds like you have all the core personality traits, except maybe charisma. But that’s also hard to believe if you’re in sales. Honestly something doesn’t click, do you live deep in the Bay? If so at least move to SF and find a job in SF if you still want a day job.
      May 23
  • Google / Eng
    rQsc13

    Google Eng

    PRE
    Qualcomm
    rQsc13more
    How did you get to that TC situation. I'll help you with the gf problem all the way with that intel lol
    May 18 2
    • Intel VANDERPUMP
      +1 get me into Medallia making that TC and I'll arrange plenty of dates.. Haha
      (Presumably this TC is a third Medallia pay and 2/3 outside sources..)
      In real response to question, no I would not spend just to try and flaunt to women. Bay area simply sucks for hot females. Keep cracking at it. I got married late 30s had a kid even later and all is fine. You're 30 man, that is nothing, long way to go. There are specialized sites for higher level chicks you just gotta do some research. That being said many of my friends are married to girls off Match.com or even POF. It's like sales... throw out a lot of spam mails and qualify hard...
      May 18
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      Thanks man, that gives me hope. And yes, you're right--nothing special about Medallia haha. It only accounts for approximately 15-20% of my TC.

      To answer Google's question though, it's a mix of real estate and consulting.
      May 18
  • Facebook yeetman
    Smash and dash my dude
    May 18 1
    • Uber fricker
      Fuck it Chuck it
      May 18
  • Intel babubhatt
    If you’re looking for something long-term, I wouldn’t.
    May 18 0
  • If you want just to get laid - show off. Bimbos are waiting.

    If you want a real relationship- don’t show off. There are a lot of sneaky people out there who would try to date you for your money, but at the same time making it look like they don’t care about it.
    May 18 0
  • New qertzcv
    SV is tough for guys
    May 18 0
  • New / Eng DEV_ENV
    Move. Bay Area sucks for heterosexual male.
    May 18 1
    • Oracle bT43cv
      Or heterosexual males in Bay Area suck.
      May 18
  • Intel babubhatt
    She take my money when I’m in need
    May 18 0
  • Expedia Trumpster
    Not worth it, unless you want to risk losing 50% of it and support her after.

    30 is not that old, and you still have time. There should be plenty of single smart / independent / ambitious ~30 year old females out there.
    May 18 10
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      Beanie babies haha. Touché.
      May 18
    • New / Eng na206
      Agree. I made this mistake and have 1200 a month in child support for one kid.
      May 18
    • Google hapa?
      Any warning signs or lessons for the rest of us?
      May 18
    • New / Eng na206
      Always use condom even if a girl says she’s on the pill. Unless you’re feeding it to her yourself. If you didn’t see it go down it never happened.
      May 18
    • New / Eng na206
      Other than that most girls in high end cities are gold diggers. Either find you one that has her own money or expect that some digging will occur.
      May 18
  • Amazon Am A Bot
    Some pieces of advice:

    1. One of your female friends could make a great partner. That’s how I met my wife and she was right under my nose. It took the right circumstances to create a spark though.

    2. In the spirit of #1, do a dry run with a female friend and have her give you feedback. Maybe you are doing something dumb, but you may not be.

    3. Get a wing-woman or try double dating. I’m married and been a wingman to male and female friends. It’s great because I get a night out and also help out a friend.

    4. Find a professional dating coach or dating service. There are services for wealthy professionals to help find someone to date. They are expensive though (15-50k a year from what I gathered from a journalist friend who wrote about them). I couldn’t find her article but you can read some about them here: http://fortune.com/2015/02/12/matchmakers-wealth/

    It’s like trying to find a bug in your own code—you need someone to QA you and it can’t be through your own eyes or explanations (as you have done).
    May 18 1
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      Thanks Am a Bot, this is really great advice. I appreciate it! Love the QA bit, too haha. I would love to do #1, but unfortunately the women I know are married or have boyfriends. I'll definitely be doing all the rest though. Thoughts on whether I should disclose my income to female friends that I will be asking to help me? Right now, only my parents have an idea of the monthly cash flows.
      May 18
  • IBM / Eng namastayyy
    I'll take my 150k TC and 2400 rent in NYC just for the better dating pool
    May 18 0
  • Out of curiosity what type of businesses have you started that make so much money?
    May 18 0
  • Box / Other Hotbox
    OP’s purpose is getting DM …
    May 18 3
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      Lol I assure you that was not the purpose. I did get 2 DMs though..both of them dudes offering to help. So there's that.
      May 20
    • Cadence qwer09
      Don't think it's true. His posts seem sincere and much truthful.
      May 20
    • Box / Other Hotbox
      I’m here for the purpose of getting DM from OP!
      May 20
  • Facebook public2
    Something is wildly wrong if you only get matched every few months and not every few minutes. Fix that first. Money, especially a low amount of money won't help. Actual f u money starts around 100m.
    May 18 3
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      Yes, yes it does. One day, hopefully. Pulling in 100M in 1 year would be shocking though lol. I think most people write their TCs as annual comp, not net worth.

      But ya, not sure why the matches are so low. I probably have an abysmal score according to the algos. Or I'm just straight hideous hahaha.
      May 18
    • Facebook public2
      If you make 1m a year you probably don't have 100m net. 1m isnt even 1% level.

      Regardless, physical appearance isnt that important so would figure out what is wrong and fix that first. Ask your girlfriends for help. You are probably missing something.
      May 18
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      You're right
      May 18
  • Pandora xorba
    Sorry bro. With the type of women we have these days it hard to find someone who will love you for who you really are. And your TC is part of the problem. You should find a woman who loves you regardless of your TC, IMHO your best bet is to stay humble and normal and find someone. Though don’t stop yourself from getting a Tesla and a condo.
    May 18 1
    • Medallia espressooo
      OP
      Haha ya, definitely splurged on a few things and it was exactly that. A Tesla and a condo lol. Though, it's nice because everyone here has a Tesla so it blends in well and no one knows if the condo you're in is yours or if you're renting.
      May 18
  • Postmates Macheese
    Nice clothes doesn’t mean expensive. Just Make sure your clothes are fitted, tailored well and comfortable. Understated and classic is always the way to go. When you’re comfortable but neat, it’s very attractive. Also, don’t discount humor! A great sense of humor is truly priceless and I would remember a night of mirth over a night of extravagance any day. A personal stylist (from LA or NYC) would be s good start. You can can’t go wrong with anything in Scotch & Soda, John Varvatos knits or James Perse. They all have great luxurious basics that don’t telegraph money, but quality first. Go vintage for eclectic pieces like watches and suitcases. My personal favorite shop for men’s bags are Tanaka vintage on Etsy. Also, socks!!! Great socks with a little pattern or flash of color is absolutely TIGHT with a nice Oxford shoe. 👞

    Take this chance to highlight yourself rather than curate an image for someone else. That always leads to unhappy pairings, and no amount of money will fill that void and make up for the lost time.
    May 20 0
  • Airbnb de Bosch
    Seriously consider leaving the Bay Area, or at least dating long distance. It’s certainly possible to meet someone here and your results in dating apps are easy to fix, but ultimately you are swimming upstream by dating as a single male here.
    May 18 0
  • Google ;O 𓂺
    If a smart woman is attractive, she's definitely not interested in dating a garbage man. You're not interested in big Bertha and it cuts both ways.

    Marry smart, get smart kids.
    May 18 0
  • New / Consultant lifegood
    Use fb to find the girls from high school or college, see if they are available.
    May 18 0

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