SO and I have been together almost 2 years. Not sure if I’m losing interest or honeymoon phase is over. I care about them a lot but some things bother me about them.
They have very little ambition or drive in life. Although we are both SWE I make twice as much. They spent a year unemployed and only recently got a job. I am 25 they are 27
- Isn't marriage more than being at the same level of career aspirations and TC? Maybe I am wrong.
- If your one child is ambitious and other is not. Would you love the ambitious child more? Emotions should not be driven by materialistic things. If he understands his responsibilities towards you and doesn’t take you for granted, conversation and empathy should help solve the problem
- You are clearly a woman who wants a real man. Now if you want to marry a man, you need to dump this guy.
You will not get a house husband out of him. You will get a house boy. And you will be his mom.
- Look into why you were together for 2 years, what do you have in common? What interests and values do you share?
Looking at the human relationships from TC point of view is very narrow framing
- If you are ambitious and he is not, why did you marry him. Did you not know this?
- King County, WA BVM316XTYou mentioned that he’s a great cook. Is that the field in which he was hired? If not, maybe he should re-evaluate his career choice. It’s important for him to take some sort of enjoyment in what he does, otherwise he’s going to continue to show a lack of passion.
My other concern is for the possibility that he is depressed. A lack of passion and drive is usually a sign of untreated depression.
If this is something that is going to continue to drive a wedge between the two of you, you will have to address it. Otherwise you will eventually resent him beyond the point of repair. It comes down to communication. Have you thought about couples counseling? I have friends who started going to couples counseling very early into their relationship, not because their relationship was already having problems, but because they didn’t want it to ever get to that point. If you feel that counseling will not help, then you will have to decide whether or not you want to continue to invest in a relationship that might not ever get better.
Do you want to wait until you are in your 30s to have a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship? I did, and I regret it. I eventually found the person I would go on to marry, but I will always feel like I lost my 20s because I wasted so much time and emotional investment in a relationship that was never going to get better.
- Does he make up for it in other areas? Are there other things that make you attracted to him, outside of professional shortcomings?
Your situation sounds kind of like my friends’. After graduating, the guy basically just lounges at home and plays video games while the woman is the primary breadwinner. He runs a photography business but isnt particularly motivated to do what it takes to grow it. The woman has expressed concerns to me a few times before, but I think she seems resigned to the fact that she’s not going to be able to change him. Also she was attracted to how easy-going he is in the first place. He does make up for lack of ambition by doing housework and being a great cook. They’ve been happily married for two years and it’s worked out well for them.
You could care about people you dont love...but if that’s the only thing keeping you two together, then maybe you need to talk it out with him and rethink things.
- It’s hard to say how people will change. Maybe he will discover his passion in the future, maybe not. There’s a non-zero chance that he will just be a house-husband...so it’s up to you to decide if that’s a possibility you can accept?
Does he have interests or hobbies? Maybe he could turn that into a career.
- You got a passive va.gina at home. Most women don't need another va.gina as they already have one and one is generally enough most of the time. the ratio should be kept at or above 1. Find a man who understands this and you're set.