What to do after honeymoon phase?
SO and I have been together almost 2 years. Not sure if I’m losing interest or honeymoon phase is over. I care about them a lot but some things bother me about them. They have very little ambition or drive in life. Although we are both SWE I make twice as much. They spent a year unemployed and only recently got a job. I am 25 they are 27
Talk. If there are things that bother you, address them.
We talked last night and I feel much better tHanks!
Glad you got things off your chest! As an aside I highly recommend reading 12 Rules for life; it is a phenomenally well written book that lays out simple steps that you can take to drastically improve how you view yourself and your relationship with the world around you
Who is they (plural)? Its either he or she (singular).
Isn't marriage more than being at the same level of career aspirations and TC? Maybe I am wrong.
Look into why you were together for 2 years, what do you have in common? What interests and values do you share? Looking at the human relationships from TC point of view is very narrow framing
It’s not about the TC. It’s about the fact he isn’t ambitious or have drive. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out hoping he’ll change
Did this drive thing change recently or it was there all the time? Very often we expect to get rather than give in relationships. Are you investing in this relationship?
You need to talk about that. Maybe he thinks you're failing him personally, as well
Talk to them .. drive is not constant . Some people gets the drive at a later stage
That’s what I’m hoping for. He’s already 27 though
I have seeen many changing lives at 30s .. don’t worry 27 is still young .. but keep talking to him .. try to know what exites him
If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. It is important to have common goals in life in my opinion. Financial or not. Especially, for married couples.
If you are ambitious and he is not, why did you marry him. Did you not know this?
Does he make up for it in other areas? Are there other things that make you attracted to him, outside of professional shortcomings? Your situation sounds kind of like my friends’. After graduating, the guy basically just lounges at home and plays video games while the woman is the primary breadwinner. He runs a photography business but isnt particularly motivated to do what it takes to grow it. The woman has expressed concerns to me a few times before, but I think she seems resigned to the fact that she’s not going to be able to change him. Also she was attracted to how easy-going he is in the first place. He does make up for lack of ambition by doing housework and being a great cook. They’ve been happily married for two years and it’s worked out well for them. You could care about people you dont love...but if that’s the only thing keeping you two together, then maybe you need to talk it out with him and rethink things.
I’m glad they’re doing well. Yeah he’s a great cook and does housework. I can see him being a great house husband and that’s honestly what he wants. But I’m not sure if that’s what I want. I want him to be passionate about something but can’t force it
It’s hard to say how people will change. Maybe he will discover his passion in the future, maybe not. There’s a non-zero chance that he will just be a house-husband...so it’s up to you to decide if that’s a possibility you can accept? Does he have interests or hobbies? Maybe he could turn that into a career.
Marriage is overrated
Are you married
I sometimes agree marriage can be amazing but it isn't always. The long and short is to me, if you aren't fuck yes you are out.