Relationships

Why some people have perfect life?

Dec 1

I ran into this guy last night. He was a jerk in undergrad who shouldn't have been there in first place. He bunked classes and flunked exams while I worked hard as a kid from small town all trying to be the 'perfect' son and student.

While I am still trying to be a 'perfect employee' who is munching excel sheets on a Friday night, my friend is having his time of life. This January he married a co-worker, an ultra hot latina. He just bought his second car, a Porsche and already moved into a new house in Bay Area while I am still struggling with stupid housemates. He says all day he chills with his wife at workplace while they make very good money, and nights with their gang. He felt sad for me when I told about my current TC and state of life . He offered to give me a ride but I refused.

When will have a perfect life where I can really feel happy? When I will run into a co-worker who has a crush on me too? When will I have my own Audi? When will have romantic trips to Cancun?When will I have a perfect life? What do I need to do get one?

TC: 220 YOE: 9

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  • Microsoft / EngGubbins 🤺
    Not everyone gets what they want. Tell that starving child that you are not happy with 220k a year. It’s all about perspective.
    Dec 11
    • LinkedIn / EngSlime
      ^ this
      Dec 1
  • New / EngTTNT
    My last two dates told me “You wouldn’t understand. Your life is perfect.”

    What they forget is that my family fled from raining bombs when I was a child, I grew up with nothing in a country where I was hated. Damaged on the inside but everything looks perfect on the outside.

    Everyone have their own demons to battle.
    Dec 18
    • OP
      I am not talking about first world problems of not getting business class seats in an Emirates flight. I am talking about not getting what one deserves, no entitlement here.
      Dec 1
    • New / EngTTNT
      What one deserves? What does one “deserve”?

      Just because you train a martial arts 2 time a day for 10 years it doesn’t make you deserve a World Championship medal.

      Just because you work 20 hours a day it doesn’t make you “deserve” a $350K salary.

      Just because you work out every day it doesn’t make you “deserve” a beautiful girl.

      You will get it if you provide the value. If you’re not getting it then work on your confidence.
      Dec 1
    • Amazon / EngAm A Bot
      TTNT gets it.

      This year one of my work acquaintances died, leaving behind his wife 3 kids under 5. She didn’t deserve what happened to him and neither did he. He took a risk (riding a motorcycle) with appropriate precautions (helmet and such) but it still wasn’t enough. No one in this situation deserved any of this. The community rallied behind his widow and kids, helped raise money for her and the kids and bonded together. What did she deserve? To have her husband come home to her. What she got instead was an outpouring of love and compassion from her community. I bet she’d trade every bit of that to get her husband back.
      Dec 1
    • OP
      Well I have been in numerous situations where I have been punished to hell while others folks have been rewarded for doing the same thing (crime).
      Dec 1
    • New / EngTTNT
      When you do a crime you should know that there is a risk for punishment. A risk that you chose to take.

      If you buy a lottery you might or might not win. Just because your neighbor wins it doesn’t mean that you have to win too.

      The best way to success is slow, steady, focused, and diligent progression (even here it’s not guaranteed). Everything else is a gamble.

      Also, the world is not fair. Just do your best, find good values, and be confident.
      Dec 1
    • Verizon / DesignSnoopDoge
      Comparison is the theif of joy. Hope you understand that OP.
      Dec 1
    • Microsoft InventShit
      Snoop’s got it right ^
      Dec 1
    • Verizon / DesignSnoopDoge
      I can give OP a personal anecdocte too. Many of my peers dislike me as well. I flunked classes, dropped out of school. I was the first to get an internship in my class. And then went to make six figures even before my class graduated. So people started to resent me. I didn’t mean to step on other people’s toes or flex on them. But when they meet me, they always treated me with an aura of fake pleasantness. It was nauseating.

      But I had to work my way up. I worked twice as hard and I spent my first year working purely learning on how to make myself attractive to employers given my lack of a degree. It was brutal.

      And just six months ago my long time GF married another person. I am a non-american, people back home think that I’m living my best life. But only I know the sadness and heartbreak I’m going through. Religion and faith as worked for me personally to gain perspective in life. For people who aren’t fans of religion could learn philosophies such as stoicm. I’m 22 and the teachings of those philosophies are helping me navigate the pitfalls of life and adulthood in general. Materialism is a sickness when you are losing happiness over trivial things such as a house and a car. This a friendly reminder OP, life is not all about wealth.
      Dec 1
  • Amazon / EngIAmJob
    Sounds like you are waiting for things to be handed to you. Keep on waiting, or do something about it.
    Dec 13
    • OP
      Not everyone is that fortunate, but some are
      Dec 1
    • Finale Inventory huHG50
      You are more fortunate than most. I make half as much as you and feel rich because I make more than both my parents did combined at the peaks of their careers. You can easily afford nice things on your income. I save nearly half of my income and feel very fortunate. Don't care much about having a nice car, but if I wanted I could easily go buy a nice car like a Tesla. You should be able to afford even nicer vehicles than me, seeing as you've been working for longer than me and make double.
      Dec 1
    • Amazon / EngIAmJob
      Luck plays some part, but the rest is your hard work, persistence, dedication and drive. You could go leetcode your way into FAANG and afford a porche. You can make more friends and have a group also.

      You are just whining but really your friend just makes more effort than you do to get what he wants.
      Dec 1
  • Campaign Monitor An0nym0us!
    Don’t believe the bullshit others say. It may seem they are having a perfect life or try to paint that picture but reality is far different. Some people are very good in trying to make others jealous.

    Try to find out what makes you happy in your life and work towards that. If it’s a companion then work on yourself, join a gym or some other activity, get in a better state of mental health. No one wants to spend their life with a downer attitude person.

    Your TC is 220k there are literally millions of people who would want your life and that salary.
    Dec 10
  • Amazon / Eng
    Yjkf05

    AmazonEng

    PRE
    Synopsys
    Yjkf05more
    Ask yourself - what makes me happy ? Then ask again - who the fuck is stopping me from being happy ? Stop cribbing. Don’t look at things superficially. Spend time doing stuff that you love. Don’t be a dog working day and night. Get a hobby. There is ton of stuff to do. I recently started learning raspberry pi and it’s super fun. In a Nutshell - care for yourself and don’t be a jerk. Karma is a bitc$
    Dec 10
  • Amazon / Eng
    onMyWay

    AmazonEng

    BIO
    AWS
    onMyWaymore
    When does the guy born without a leg or an arm get to complain about someone having a Porsche?
    Dec 10
  • Microsoft UMbR31
    You definitely don't sound like you have 9 yoe. More like college senior lusting over friend's FANG return offer. Chill out mate!
    Dec 10
  • Cruise Automation mocca
    This a troll? Make 220k and can't afford an Audi?

    Stop asking when is life going to happen to you. What are you doing to make life happen?

    9 years in and trying to be the perfect employee? That's a laughable concept. You started working during the last recession, should've learned the lesson your seniors showed you, no matter how perfect you are, unless you're irreplaceable and they know it, you'll be on the chopping block.
    Dec 10
  • Facebook public2
    Don't be bitter, be better. Working hard only benefits the people you work for so start being the boss. Outgoing people are more successful because people like them. Life is a blast, enjoy it!
    Dec 19
    • What if you're not an outgoing person?
      Dec 1
    • Facebook public2
      As with anything you can learn. Introverts can play a convincing outgoing person who people like. It will become natural once you start seeing the rewards in terms of opportunities, money, dates etc
      Dec 1
    • I've been at my current job for a few months now, and it's hard or impossible to change first impressions. Are you saying I should just quit?
      Dec 1
    • "As with anything you can learn" no not really, some things cannot be learnt or at least it's much much easier said than done.
      Dec 1
    • Facebook public2
      What cannot be learned? Lol
      Dec 2
    • Faking to be normal/extrovert as an introvert. If you stay at one place for too long eventually people will see through it.
      Dec 2
    • Facebook public2
      Maybe, but by that point you will already have a network and group of friends.
      Dec 2
    • But nothing is permanent
      Dec 2
    • Facebook public2
      Ok? Lol
      Dec 2
  • Amazon / EngAm A Bot
    There’s no such thing as a perfect life. Honestly. To some, I have it all: amazing wife and a peaceful marriage, amazing kids, a nice house, and a job I really love overall.

    But it isn’t perfect. Our birth families are both extremely difficult and problematic so it’s often just us—which can get powerfully lonely. One of my kids has significant disabilities that alter every aspect of our lives. My wife and I spend a lot of our time wondering what the future will be like for her, and how we can help her adjust well. My wife wants to work but stays home to give our daughter a better chance at happiness.

    Remember that the surface level is what most of us see about one another. If you really got to know him, you’d find out he’s probably very insecure, has fears just like the rest of us, has passionate arguments (and sex) with his wife, and is trying to carve out some happiness in the world. You also don’t see the sacrifices he’s made or the struggles he had to conquer to get where he is. There are some people who are handed a wonderful life on a silver platter but they are few and far between. They are also the ones who tend to squander it.
    Dec 13
    • Vertivco / Eng
      Warp Zone

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      YouTube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      Warp Zonemore
      Sorry to hear that you're kid is afflicted with that. I have just learned to not have hope. That is the only way that things will move forward. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing I can do.
      Dec 1
    • Amazon / EngAm A Bot
      It’s ok. She’s an amazing kid. Fucking brilliant too. She just has other difficulties that will make life in this world harder than it should be.

      I have great hope for her because she’s learning and getting better. It just takes a lot of effort for us to generate that effect.

      In most situations, there is still hope, but hope alone is insufficient.
      Dec 1
    • State Farm / Eng599
      Thanks for sharing.
      Dec 1
  • Microsoft Ranveer
    I hear you. It is especially hard when your peers get ahead of you. And that ‘getting ahead’ could be anything. Getting a girlfriend, Getting married, having a baby, getting promoted at work, buying a house, buying the next investment property, buying a house with a water front,buying a porche, travelling to exotic places etx, etx. The race is endless. While I understand that it is upsetting, I am positive you have good things in your life. Look at those and cherish them. Find work that you really enjoy and are passionate about.

    Ang Lee, famously, was once told to start a chinese restaurant, by his inlaws. All his peers were earning way more than him. And he was jobless. No one would bet money on a screenplay written by an unknown asian. He stuck to his passions and today we have immortal movies. We are subconsciously forced into being a rat, but we can consciously opt out of it, and do what we want. Do what you want. Find your passion and work hard at it.

    (ps: if you are on a h1b following passions, is tricky to impossible, i am hoping you do not suffer from this aliement, like us peasants ;))

    Good luck!
    Dec 10
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Microsoft Ranveer
      Goddamn. Can we please stop asking that? How does it matter?
      Dec 1
    • Amazon / Eng
      onMyWay

      AmazonEng

      BIO
      AWS
      onMyWaymore
      Stereotype confirmation
      Dec 1
  • Twitter / Engfluid.fire
    I'd understand this mindset of you're <24y old. Otherwise, let me tell that you're waaaaaay behind.
    Dec 20
  • LinkedIn Xr6cF3
    NO MATTER WHAT there will always be someone who has more than you. The struggle in life is to keep your head up, deal with it, and be grateful for what you have. Teach your kids early on to do this. FWIW you have 220K TC, sooo many people will never have this, and would look to you thinking you’re the one who has it all. Gratitude is a way of life.
    Dec 10
  • Define happiness? As per your post your life is more miserable compared to someone you know.

    If at all one is unhappy means life is not happening the way one wants. That’s all the problem is. What you want for one self is very clear but what one wants for their neighbors/friends/coworkers/relatives is debatable. Today you could find all these reasons to be unhappy and I’m sure you’re capable enough to find another reason to be unhappy later point in time. An example I can give is people across world think USA is heaven, some people are willing to risk their lives to get into this country(check the news of what’s happening in southern border). People who live here don’t feel that they are living in heaven. Someone driving Honda Civic/Toyota Corolla think if and only if I had a chance to drive BMW/Mercedes. Once they get to drive Mercedes they’ll think if and only if I had a chance to drive Porsche/Maserati. If that also happens then they’ll definitely find a reason to be unhappy b’coz there’s still Ferrari/Lamborghini, private jet/island left out.

    In short, 1) the car you’ve parked outside. 2). The place you live in(Palace/mansion/condos/apartment). 3). Any other material aspect of your life determines the level of happiness then you can be sure that the chance of you being happy is very remote or accidental.

    If happiness is what you seek change your thoughts and actions to reflect that. One more simple example I can give you is, in an island/country of blind people you having one eye might make you king but your happiness is relative. Once you meet a person with 2 eyes you’ll easily find reason/philosophy/excuse to be unhappy.

    If at all you really want Compare? Compare to yesterday’s version of yourself. If you can get better day by day I’m confident that you’ll have a better possibility of being happy. In this case I suggest you need to learn on how to handle your thoughts, emotions, energy and experience of external stimuli. Hope you’ll get there and would love to see you in that position.

    Have a great rest of the day.
    Dec 10
  • eBay / Engoiuhhhh
    Did 5'6" move from Amazon 😁😁
    Dec 10
  • Monster unholy!
    How do you make 220K as an Excel jockey?
    Dec 10
  • Amazon PAxv45
    life is not fair
    Dec 13
    • OP
      Totally agree. Sometimes I feel stupid and a loser when I sit among peers for drinks and they tell stories how they scored a dozen chicks or drove around days lost in NAPA Valley while I just struggled to even secure a smile at the end of day.
      Dec 1
    • Microsoft
      PopUpVideo

      Microsoft

      PRE
      Amazon
      PopUpVideomore
      I think you’ve identified your problem, you’re hanging out with misogynists who don’t know how to plan a good vacation. Sounds depressing.

      If you want sex or to fall in love then constantly be dating through apps. You don’t need a network or a work crush to find people.

      And then do yourself a favor today, right now, go to the dealer and buy that Audi. Drive around lost in NAPA tomorrow and then plan a vacation to a country you’ve never been to and create your own interesting experiences. You’ll feel like a new person.
      Dec 1
    • Microsoft Courtana
      Listen to Sadhguru 😁
      Dec 1
  • Snapchat MiseryLife
    Take a look at a person before they get shot.
    Take a look at a person after they got shot.
    Notice how 2 seconds could change everything?

    Well. That happens in life, but just much longer time frame. While you might see that he’s more “successful” than you now, that’s hardly the end of the story. Your life is going to be many decades. While he might have married that hot Latina, guess what? Every guy is going to try to bang her. It’s what happens with a trophy wife. Maybe he might be swimming in cash now, but when the markets crash, he may lose everything on a bad play.

    Over the long horizon, even people you never thought would shine... prolly will eventually shine at one point. It’s all about timing
    Dec 10
  • New
    nfs

    New

    PRE
    Booking.com
    nfsmore
    TBH im surprised you are an adult. There's always someone with nicer car, wife, etc ... Focus on making yourself happy, not craving what makes others happy.
    Dec 10
  • Microsoft / Biz DevCodechurn
    This sums up Facebook well. All fake. You only see one side...the one he wants you to see.
    Dec 10
  • Apple / Eng
    c94087

    AppleEng

    BIO
    Strong and built like an Ox
    c94087more
    Everyone has positive and negative things going on in their life. Someone who appears perfect on the outside according to their looks and accomplishments may be going through hell internally. Most people you encounter only show a representation of how they wish you to perceive them. Once you believe that you will realize that no one is ahead of you or perfect at all.
    Dec 10
  • eBay / Engoiuhhhh
    Isn't the average compensation for an American, like $60k ???
    Dec 12
    • OP
      TC is not same as base/cash pay. More than 50% of TC is unrealized future value.
      Dec 1
    • Cisco Xox
      TC is only applicable to annual earnings. Counting unvested RSUs across the life of the grant is not TC.
      Dec 1
  • AMD
    5nm

    AMD

    PRE
    Intel
    5nmmore
    Stop trying to be perfect! That’s where you went wrong! By striving for perfection, you don’t take risks and often spend too much time on irrelevant details.
    Also, like everyone said, stop trying to compare yourself to others, there is always someone richer than you!
    $229 TC isn’t a bad! It’s not about how much you make but how much you save! Mortgages and Porches are expensive, you should asking next time what his net worth is, likely, not that high!
    Dec 11
    • Amazon / EngAm A Bot
      OP, hasn’t anyone ever told you “perfect is the enemy of good”?
      Dec 1
  • Ness Technologies FkTrump
    There is no perfect life. Everyone at some point in their life feels lost and terrible abt their life choices. It’s ok to feel what you are feeling. Just have fun doing what you love.
    Dec 10
  • Cisco gmann
    Dude, you are niave and want to live a fantasy life. Stop watching movies and think that should be you. Now, go rant on FB and grow a pair. Holy shit.
    Dec 11
    • Jam City WLrW51
      Riiiiight?? T
      Dec 8
  • General Motors / Eng
    lanmoiling

    General MotorsEng

    PRE
    Zebra Technologies
    lanmoilingmore
    Maybe you are just too “book-smart” and don’t understand what you really want in life. But I’m not saying the guy is better than you caz he may not be as happy about his life as you think he is. I’d suggest really figure out your life mission and enhance your EQ.
    Yesterday0
  • Cadence Yikesz
    There’s no such thing as a perfect life. Grass is not always greener on the other side. I’m sure if you got to know your friend more, you’d find out his life is far from perfect. And then after you understand all the pros and cons, would you seriously trade your life with his? I’m sure there are lots of good things going for you. You named a lot of superficial things you are sad you don’t have. I think if you think that way, you will never be happy. There will always be someone with higher TC, fancier car, hotter counterpart. Be grateful for what you have.
    Dec 10
  • Indeed / Other
    unikorn

    IndeedOther

    PRE
    Google
    BIO
    Nope
    unikornmore
    Don't compare yourself to others. You don't know if he's truly happy.
    Set goals. Start small. Build meaningful relationships. Show up to those that are in your circle today.

    I'll tell you, nice cars and trips to Mexico isn't happiness.

    Spend time this holiday season volunteering, you'll soon learn your life is pretty great. Stay positive, everything will happen in its own time. Your partner will find you when you're content, you might miss her if you're staring at the ground depressed...

    God bless!
    Dec 10
  • New / OtherAuntHilda
    I have long refrained from comparing myself with others. The only person I compare myself is "me". Compare your last years TC with this year and your standard of living from last year to this year. And remember, for some people anything that comes easy isn't their cup of tea so feel proud that you have an opportunity to work hard and get rewarded.
    Dec 10
  • Jam City WLrW51
    Get a fucking grip dude.
    Dec 10
  • Vertivco / Eng
    Warp Zone

    VertivcoEng

    PRE
    YouTube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
    Warp Zonemore
    It's not 0k so be quiet.
    Dec 10

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