Advice on dating non tech people
I am a single woman (28). I get a lot of attention from tech folks but I work in tech and want to find people who aren’t pure engineering. Nothing against tech just want to have a partner who is doing something different. Ladies/gentlemen here, if you are dating or married to non-tech folks, how did you meet them? Do you have any advice on what kinds of events I can go to increase my chances of meeting people like that? It used to be easier to meet them on the east coast where I did schooling but I am finding it harder in the Bay.
Hire Ubers with your free credits until you meet a nice single driver?
Describe the kind of person you want to meet.
Someone who is optimistic, expressive and kind. I am not religious so someone who shares that would be ideal. Everything else generally builds off from there.
So why are tech people ruled out?
Cafes, bars, restaurants... ...not the patrons, the employees.
Have you done that? Did you wait until their workhours were over to ask them out?
We met in college. Other people I know met while pursuing their hobbies.
I will try to take my focus off online dating and do more hobby stuff in the community. Online dating is nice but hasn’t really been my thing so far.
Husband was also a techie when we met (doing community theatre, like all cool people), but he made a career change shortly thereafter; it’s nice both having the tech background for context, but nearly 20 years later, it’s only a minor thing - it’s the other stuff we’re into that matters.
Twenty years! Congrats! I hope to have something like that one day.
I married someone who is a server at a restaurant. We just met online and I didn’t really do anything special. One thing tho, you will have to change your income preference, if you have any. And get prepared to learn a whole other world. That almost prevented me from giving the relationship a fair shot in the beginning, since I had an unconscious bias of someone who I thought I’d want to date (wealthy, highly educated, etc). When I fully accepted that I was looking for someone with good character above all else, everything just fell into place. Much of dating is screening, but if you have too many “must-haves” on your list, you could potentially rule out someone great
Congrats on your marriage! Did you meet them in the Bay area? What you say about expectations and must-haves makes sense. I don’t have an income expectation on the person. I just want them to have figured out what makes them happy and fulfilled. Did your partner have concerns about the income difference in your marriage? Was that something you two had to discuss?
Yep, both live and work in SF. I had more of the concerns, we never talked about finances until it got serious. My partner knows nothing about tech so she was blown away by the income gap and still is. She thinks it’s laughable we get free lunch and dinner. I’d say the biggest thing we had to face was budgeting. When you only make $39k in SF, you live paycheck to paycheck. You also have tons of debt. So ya I was concerned about that. But she was able to learn and pay it all off by working 2 jobs and I grew to deeply respect that. I also learned that you don’t need much to be happy.
I've been married longer than you've been alive and my advice is to focus on the things you like to do outside of work together. The couples our age we see getting divorced or unhappy don't enjoy doing things together. I have a life and hobbies as does my wife but we also enjoy doing things together. When you don't have that, you "grow apart". I've seen it happen a lot. So meet someone who likes to sail or hike or ski or go to concerts or go to Napa or whatever and build on that. The family that plays together, stays together. Sincerely Old Dude
That is a long partnership. Congrats! I hope I have something like that one day. Do you have to ensure you make time for doing things together? Does work get in the way? Do you have any tips on how you get that work-life balance for this lifestyle?
Life gets in the way. Constantly. It's easier when you like each other and share interests. It's hard (impossible?) when you don't. When you're busy, just do little things together. When you're not, do big things. Forget the bad, remember the good. Watch comedies on Netflix - the cornier the better. Laughing together is therapeutic. Weed and/or booze make them funnier. We also cook together a lot because we both enjoy it. Both my boys are good cooks. A lot of good memories from cooking together over the years You never knew how many teenagers would show up for dinner. We were madly in love when we got married in college. Still are, but we're also best friends. Corny, but true.
Met on a dating app. Just celebrated our one year
Congrats! I have been trying the online stuff and maybe I will be lucky too.
Props to the OP. Good post, so far the trolls have stayed away. OP follow your instincts and sign up for as many extracurriculars as you can. You can meet people anywhere do just keep that in mind.
I have lots of homework to do from this thread (finding groups for my hobbies, finding nice bars etc) and will get started. I am also so glad to hear on this post that so many of you have successfully made it work. Gives me hope for myself!
Thanks! I do like the clubs in the Marina area and will try to go out more there. I am signed up for some sailing lessons so will try to enjoy that as well in the spring.
Where are you taking lessons? You'll have a higher chance of meeting a cool guy around your age at Berkeley compared to treasure island. The good yacht clubs don't do lessons, but it is worth hanging around those places to try to get on a fun and competitive boat (downside being a lot of the people work in tech)