I make mistakes when explaining stuff only to get corrected by someone else. I have trouble focusing now, I even think i might have ADHD, maybe is because i feel the need to be available on Teams and reply ASAP? I check teams all the teams im in, back to WhatsApp, back to Reddit, back to my remote, back to TikTok, open a porn tab, back to work remote machine#tech , do a shitty commit, address million pr comments, back to say something stupid on teams. Fuck time to log off. Seems I make wrong decisions all the time? I used to be the best engineer in my team while at WITCH, now at Microsoft I feel like third/second best but Im still terrible. Seems when I close teams and outlook and focus I do very good quality work. At Amazon I was the worst on my team or maybe second worst. How do I become the best again?, how do you guys do it to focus? Since leaving WITCH I’ve never been happy, makes me want to quit tech completely. How do I tell my wife I suck? I used to love coming back home and telling my wife i was the best. How do I recover my super powers? Tagging googlers because I always think of them as the best engineers out there. Blind tax: tc 170k 🥜🥜🥜
First: TC or GTFO Next, a question: Are you burned out? sometimes taking a small break to recollect your thoughts and refocus can be very beneficial.
TC?
Return to office, and hopefully you will be more conscious about how you spend your working hours. Read more technical books, because making mistakes and being corrected probably means you have gaps in your knowledge. At least you will have better arguments if you do what I'm suggesting. Also, check about pomodoro technique, might work for you.
Documentation is horribruh here, and reading code never works for me. Im more a hands on type of person. Pomodoro used to work but no more :(
Documentation is shitty everywhere. To be honest, being "hands on" in legacy systems without reading the code is usually not possible. If you want to be a dependable team member and gain their respect, understand one area of the system very deeply and at same time high level architecture. The moment you go to a meeting and have more info than your peers about how specific parts of the system works, that will change their perception (assuming it is real and not just impostor syndrome of yours)
Don't judge yourself too much and be kind to yourself. Everyone is naked inside their underpants you are not god's only shitty child
This is something I hate/love at Microsoft. Im obviously not being my best i don’t deserve to be kind to me. I want to do better but how?
Seems like you should return to a WITCH. Mental health is more important than TC.
Ouch!
There seems to be two things at play here: 1. how do you become more productive and beat the imposter syndrome 2. how do you cope with not being the best on your team First thing is easy to fix with time, setting boundaries, and patience as you grow into your role. Second thing is your ego and maybe culture(?) at play. This might take a lifetime to adjust. Don’t try to be the best. There’s no point in turning everything into a d!ck measuring contest. Environments that allows and encourages this behavior eventually turns competitive and toxic. What’s the end game here? Become the #1 on every team you join? What happens when you grow into a TL or EM? You WANT people smarter and more capable than you. Even as an IC, working with people better than me has pushed me to grow and mature. Treat it like a gift. If you really want to stay the very best, perhaps going back to WITCH is better for your mental health?
You are right. I got this be the best shit from my father and is not helping me, I need to let go that. I always thought TL had to be the best in their teams. How do you grow into TL then?
Leadership (it’s in the name). Don’t get me wrong, you need to be highly technical and have reasonable expertise in the project. But you are responsible for scoping out requirements, align cross functionally and vertically, identify and remove blockers for the rest of the team. You default to letting your team work on the meaty and interesting parts of the project. Otherwise, if you are hogging all the spotlight, no one would want to work for you. Think of it this way… a ship captain runs a crew. You want the best navigator, best mechanic, etc. But it is incredibly counterproductive if the captain is the best at navigation. Because they are wasting their potential running a crew instead of being the best navigator.
this is a good thing. you're surrounded by people who are more skilled/knowledgeable. use this opportunity to grow your career
If you think you may have ADHD, get evaluated. But keep in mind that ADHD is a lifelong issue that you would have noticed symptoms of before now. If you only have trouble now, it’s probably not ADHD.
Make code changes. Take a break. Review your code thinking it is written by intern and find mistakes. This helps even at high senior levels
"Seems when I close teams and outlook and focus I do very good quality work". I think you answered your own question. Sounds like you have too many distractions. Schedule focus time if needed during the day and close out everything but what you're working on and don't check them until that allotted time is over.
Yeah but how? Do you close teams and owa? Wont that make me seem “not working” or even unavailable?
You can schedule a block of time in outlook as your focus time and I think there's a way to have that be reflected in your teams status so people will know you won't reply right away. You don't need to respond to everything instantly. People can wait an hour or two. Run it by your manager if you're unsure.