I know rule 1, rule 2, ... on that note, anyone who ends up in a relationship via the apps matches with someone very close to their own superficial attractiveness. So if you plan to aim above your league, you must seek other avenues. Now back to my question. It just feels like with so many options; nobody can take anyone else seriously. How would two people end up in a relationship on these apps? Based on TikTok!! top 10% of guys get most of the matches, and there’s no real incentive for them to stick with anyone. On the other side, a lot of women get the false perception that they have a shot at these top 10% guys because they match with them and would pass on average guys. Disclaimer: None of the relationships I’ve had were via dating apps. They were either completely random encounters, or via common friends.
I’ve found my last 3 serious long term relationships on dating apps, and dating data shows that people increasingly find their partners on dating apps over time. Here are the benefits of dating apps: - The context of meeting someone with romantic intentions is already given with dating apps. If you approach a random person in person, you don’t know anything about them, you can come off as creepy, and you don’t even know if they’re single in the first place. And if you’re trying to date someone as friends first, it’s unclear if they’re just being friendly or romantic, and you may stay in the friend zone. - Relationships move faster on dating apps. You talk about your goals, values, deal-breakers, and plans for the future upfront in the first few dates. And with the context that you are looking for a romantic partner, these conversations happen more quickly. - You meet people you otherwise wouldn’t be able to meet organically. Some partners I’ve met don’t share any social circles with me, and we never would have crossed paths or found each other without an app. - People increasingly don’t go outside and hang out in social settings anymore outside of college. People stay indoors with endless entertainment and media options, and it’s been exacerbated by the pandemic. It is getting harder and harder to meet people in organic ways especially with remote work. Here is where I think people need to collectively improve their game on dating apps: - Dating is not a numbers game. Unfortunately for dating profiles, what gets tacked gets measured, so people over index on metrics or traits that are readily visible, like height, job, school, and physical appearances. But what really matters is how they make you feel and whether you have complementary values, like honesty and compassion. - We have a lot of biases that get in the way of finding love. There’s negativity bias which makes us focus too much on someone’s negative traits, dating tendencies like being a maximizer or a romanticizer putting unrealistic expectations on a partner, and many people with insecure attachment styles (like being avoidant or anxious). Personal therapy, medication, and journaling are great avenues to address this. - Skill deficits and communication gaps in attracting secure people. Emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love and it requires all the skills are not consistently being taught to young boys. Finding a partner is not the only hard part of being in a relationship, the next part in staying and building a life together is hard too. Here’s a book written by the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge on improving your prospects in modern dating: How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love https://a.co/d/ieRMEuE
Is “three serious long term relationships” an oxymoron ?
I’m not sure what you’re getting at, my three relationships I’ve found from dating apps are both serious and long-term. Serious means we dated exclusively to the extent of meeting each other’s families, and/or lived together. Long term as they lasted at least 1 year. Two of them didn’t work out and are now exes, and I’ve been with my current partner for almost 3 years.
If you are a white guy, try Indian girls If you are an Indian guy, ask mummy to find a girl
Looks like this is an Indian girl who has a white boy complex 🤣.
Met my husband through online dating app, have been married for 8 years. Best decision of my life!
Damn. That sound lucky. Specially being happy in marriage after 8 years. Happy for you.
Yes! I even think it’s surreal sometimes since I’m from Vietnam. He flew all the way from US to VN to see me after only 1 month.
Yes, currently in a great relationship with a woman who's much more attractive than me, via dating apps. Also had relationships that started IRL, also with much more attractive than me. Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder.
Ugh you almost had me before saying “Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder”.
By which I meant, I'm a fat guy whose most successful relationships have been with attractive women. That's because those women have found other things about me attractive (not money, BTW).
What is that?
English please