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I am an Indian, we meet through matrimonial website. We have been married for an year now. I see, my in-laws meddling with her brain esp mother in-law. Mother in law bad mouths too much about my parents to my wife and then my wife continously keep on complaing and re-iterating about past. We both fight a lot, and me mostly giving justification that my parents arent bad and its all scripted in your head by your mom. My wife has elder brother, who will get green card in couple of years. Since her parents are retired, I feel their ulterior motive is to stay at US and split the time they stay with us and her brother. For that, they want my wife to cut all connections with my parents and just tame me. So far, I have had really harsh conversation with them, that they can not stay with us until they stop bugging my wife and just stay clear of me. I can handle my mother in law, if she directly talks with me, but she bad mouths about me to my wife behind my back. How to make my wife see her mother hidden agenda??
Sounds like my life story with a better English. Not sure man...my kids are my life and can’t let them suffer or I would have made a decision by now.. sorry don’t have any advice.
'We met through matrimonial website and we have been married for an year now.' That's your mistake. You went all the way to Bay Area, got a job at Uber and still couldn't man up to actually know someone before you got married to them.
Realizing it now. For single folks reading, please beware of Indian matrimonial sites.
Hahaha
I was in a similar situation like yours 2 years back and can totally understand what you may be feeling. It’s a very lonely feeling I can imagine. I would suggest to start ignoring them completely and only talk nicely once or twice in the year on festivals etc when they ask about you. Otherwise don’t try to fight it , that’s the best solution. In parallel, grow your worth and be in better relationship with your parents and your family. Also stop fighting with your wife or trying to change her opinion about your family at all. Let an year or so pass by ignoring everything and just focusing on your happiness career and your family side. Slowly when they realize they are not getting importance from you, they will slowly understand and relationship may improve. Also once they start seeing leader in you, they will start respecting you and your family will be respected only when you are. Hope it helps.
^^^^^ THIS This is the best advice, wish I knew it without going through the hard way. Thank you @wrpz85
Did this work? Can OP or anyone else comment on efficacy of this approach?
Just a week ago my coworker shared a similar story. He is an American married to European ,and also in his 50s. I mentioned age and ethnicity just so that you know such problems are common among all ethnicities and generations. Coming to how he resolved it - couples therapy. His wife won’t listen to him ,but apparently the therapist / marriage counselor knocked some sense in her.
Good try but not believable
I did not believe it either ,but no reason why my coworker would lie.
I have never gotten into any serious fight with my wife in the past decade. My life expectancy is longer because of that.
I have the same problem, but I am a girl and my husband’ mother is doing the same. 😰everything exactly the same just change the gender. I do not mind them staying with me at all but then my mil says bad things about my mother.
Your mother must have said or done something nasty.
Hahaha yes how do you know ? Tell the same thing to this guy as well.
Ok, Indians and their arranged marriages are just like everyone else’s. It seems
As shit
How is her family’s TC?
600k for both
Is that more or less than your family’s TC?
Please read Boundaries in Marriage. You'll need to be kind but firm with your wife on what you will and will not tolerate in your marriage.
Put your foot down. Your wife needs to respect you and your extended family. Maybe have a talk with MIL that she needs to knock it off or never be welcome in your home again