I have had a few gfs/complicated relationships before and all those relationships obviously had their ups and downs. I have dumped a few girls and a few others have dumped me. Time has passed by and I have loads of sweet bitter memories. I still tend to think about them pretty often, and wonder how things could have been different had I behaved/not behaved in certain ways. I also sometimes discuss these with my close friends. And recently realized it does consume a lot of energy. Any tips on how to change the mindset, and stop thinking about what happened, or what could have happened? I am a guy who tends to live in the past, but I want to change it. Suggestions?
Are you looking for RAM? Not SSD
I am looking to format my memory
Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind?
just get over it
Thanks for your suggestion, really helpful
You don’t need suggestions, you need motivation.
Fix things about yourself that warrant fixing and accept that dating is not only a numbers game but also depends a lot on timing. Most people don't end up with their "optimal" partner (out of the ones you've dated historically) for many controllable and uncontrollable reasons, but the best you can do is be the best version of yourself going into each new one. Knowing what you want and being honest about it will help. If you have a chill / understanding personality, being in a relationship should not be complicated
+1 this. This is exactly how I got over the fact that my 9 year marriage collapsed for seemingly no reason at the time. Be the best version of you that you can be and be sure it's what you want. Also. If you don't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else.
This article might be helpful. http://gailbrenner.com/2012/08/10-life-changing-facts-to-heal-the-pain-of-the-past/
If it was supposed to work, it would have never ended. Even if you would have happened to continue any of those relationships, both person involved might have been miserable. So understand that whatever happens, happens for good. Look forward for your wonderful future. Life is too short to spend it thinking about something not worth having..
I dont really agree with *the supposed to work should not have ended * logic.Life is not so black and white. Saying this kinda just invalidates the whole relationship
Read the book Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Try meditating, a vipassana meditation can help for sure, but it's very hard
To simply answer your question of how to get over the past... Focus on the future.
go to therapy, seriously, this is something that is helpful to work out with a professional (what patterns you fall into, what relationship models you learned from your childhood, how to work out what you want and if your feelings are grounded or fleeting)
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