I, 27F, make 4-5 times more than my boyfriend. During the past year, I've grown my net worth significantly. He had some money saved pre-Covid but hasn't been been able to save due to some lost income. Sometimes I feel guilty trying to ask him to pay me back for expenses (or just trying to split evenly) like food, moving boxes/supplies, groceries I get for us both, etc. Men, if you were in this position, how would you want to split costs with your partner? Would you expect them to spend/pay more? TC: 300k EDITED TO ADD: He would never try to mooch off of me. We split most things now and I don't mind often paying more often because I know that I have a better financial situation. I do know that his pride wouldn't allow him to let me obviously pay more or split expenses via a ratio of our salaries. I was just curious to hear from other men in this situation and hear how they handle it with their female partners. Also, we are not married and don't plan on marrying anytime soon. Some of the comments give answer that are meant for married couples, like getting a joint account. #relationships #misc #money #finance
2 options 1: Take small expenses like grocery, movie , food etc entirely on you (75% of the time , rest say 10% let him take completely , rest 15 split) 2: Take bigger expenses like rent and all on you (again 75-10-15) So you cover around 65% and he won’t feel bad as you are not covering any section entirely
Pay for expenses equally, regardless of which party makes more unless it starts being a burden on the party making less because the party making more wants bigger/better things. Ex: going to mexico and you want to upgrade your room to an ocean view. Pay for it. Don’t pay the rent yourself just because you can.
Or pay for the trip to Mexico if you think he couldn’t have gone on one without you because he could t afford it in the first place
Yep, he can chip in for some of the costs (food/drink?) but ultimately the trip may be completely out of his price range if you don't pay for the core expenses mostly or entirely yourself.
Pay proportionate to income?
As a men i pay for almost everything and do not ask my girlfriend to pay for anything. I have told her to save her money as emergency fund.
I ain’t sayin she a gold digger but you ain’t messin........
Gender equality starts in the home bro
Treat him to a few things. Forget to ask for repayment a few times. Finances are joint in the long run.
Assuming there is a long run...
That’s the tough one. I would probably pay for rent and groceries, cut my personal expenses and look for the ways to earn more. It’s not in my culture to expect from woman to pay for a man. If feels uncomfortable. It will be fine if we don’t spend much and she save her money. But if she likes to spend them and invite me to join her in her expensive hobby or activities, I will not feel good if I accept, and will not feel good if I decline either. It would not be an issue anymore after 30 years of marriage, but would decrease the probability of long-lasting relationship leading to it.
Yikes
This just means women who make more than you probably wouldn't work out, which is lame.
I make more than my partner and we just split things proportional to income. But honestly, if they wanna purchase something I don’t mind helping cause they’re my partner.
The answer might also depend on if your monthly expenses are based on what you make or if it’s affordable by both of you.
^ this. Without you in the picture, what lifestyle would he have preferred given his income? If it would have been 2k per month and now his share is 4k because you guys are in a better apartment and eating higher quality food, it's unfair to make him stretch his spending potential. So split in such a way that he still spends 2k
My TC is 250k, fiancée is 450k. We just split proportionally by income. I'm not ashamed of it at all and I have no problem swallowing my pride. Maybe your relationship can be the same as mine, but even in these comments you'll see men are uncomfortable when the role is reversed and women make more. You should talk to your partner directly about this.
It’s less of an issue if you both have upper-middle class salaries.
100%. I can save and invest comfortably on my own income and it doesn't sound like the case for OP's boyfriend. We were 65k and 120k at one point though and it was still the same so again she just has to talk to him
Just cover big expenses