Spouse seems to constantly self destruct
I’m very anti-control in a relationship. Giving or receiving. I’m very out of my element trying to assert my beliefs onto my partner. But she has many habits that seem to work directly against he goals. I’m only including things she at some point cried about and talked about many times, not random one off issues 1. She wants more sunlight in her life, yet stays up til 4am nearly every day. Refuses to set a morning alarm 2. She feels she a constant failure for not getting enough done in a day yet refuses any kind of enforced schedule to help her track what she is/isn’t doing. I’ve told her she does enough and not to worry, the negativity isn’t coming from me. 3. She’s underweight and wants to gain weight. Yet refuses to larger meals or eat more frequently, also is vegetarian and has many meals that are exclusively vegetables (salads, veggie stir fry w/o rice/noodles/etc) 4. Feels constantly overwhelmed yet keeps adding more streamers to her life such as fostering pets or volunteer work I’ve talked to her many times but she refuses my ideas and gets frustrated I’m even suggesting solutions. I want to help her but I’m getting close to snapping and probably being way too controlling. These problems just drag her down everyday and its affecting me in a large way. I try to hide that but my inability to enforce some rules means that I’ll probably snap one day and enforce way to fucking many. Help?
Break up.
Talk and advice is cheap. Start doing something that you believe would be good for her, and subtly include her into it by showing what you’re doing and encouraging her. She might give it a try for herself if it works for you and you’re not pushing it on her. Doing things together is a great way to help others.
Does she have a job? If not, make her get one and quit fostering pets or whatever. She will have to wake up and set a schedule. Well give her some meaning as well
When she had a job a lot of these problems were exacerbated. Now she stayed up til 4am AND work up at 8am. I would rather 4-12 than 4-8
As someone with ADHD, you basically just described my entire life before diagnosis. Just sayin’.
This! Exactly my thought as I was reading your post. I was diagnosed later in my life and everything made sense after the diagnose. Checkout “Delivered from Distraction” book, might unlock a whole new level of understanding for you and your partner.
How do you get diagnosed? And what is the solution?
Sounds like my ex. I had to leave the relationship to bring myself sanity because I can’t help an undisciplined person that refuses to change herself for her own sakes. At this point in life, I see many struggling friends and family with their issues, but they all refuse to change their habits. You simply can’t help someone that doesn’t have the will to help themselves. Just my 2 cents
Have you tried asking if she wants your help to resolve these issues or if she just wants to vent? It sounds like the latter. She just wants you to nod and say yes, it’s hard, you are right, or whatever. I’m always trying to problem solve. I need a shirt? Order the one I want off the internet. My daughter? Spends six days looking for the right one, goes to the mall, asks 98 of her friends, etc. She also doesn’t really want my opinion after she buys it, even though she will ask. (Tip: Never, under any circumstances, say the new one looks just like the other 12 in her closet.)
Common habits for beautiful women. Congrats! At least her name is not Amber.
Have you asked her directly whether she needs a solution from you, a support or just someone to vent to. Maybe she doesn’t need your solutions, and just needs someone to listen and “I believe in you, you can do it”?
Take her to a therapist?