My wife works at a FANG and really hates her job. She works 70-80 hour weeks for people she hates, comes home in tears 2-3 days a week, and it's having predictable effects on her mood and our relationship. She really wants another job, but she's very proud of having "made it" in the valley as a non-engineer, and says she'd rather be miserable at a FANG than happy at a second tier company like Airbnb or Doordash. The other FANGs and internal teams she's talked to have already turned her down. What can I do to improve both our lives?
Talk to her and make her realize that it's not worth it. This will have an adverse effects on your relationship if not treated soon.
Returning back miserable after work isnât something new. May be itâs because of how society has always pushed women to seek external validation - you continue to be in something that looks good even if it makes you feel miserable, itâs an endless cycle. Well if you find out an answer for your wife let me know too, Iâm also wondering why I wonât leave my job and work for a better and more understanding boss.
Those second tier companies donât necessarily offer better WLB, she should target other FANG if she likes the reputation. Maybe sheâs already here in a tough team / role, but overall WLB is pretty good.
Wow you work at FB and you have a better wlb than your wife. Which FANG? Amazon?
She should seriously question and reflect what is the reason for her being miserable and coming home in tears on a weekly basis. Thatâs extreme. Is it a bad manager? Is it bad peers? Is everyone one the team dealing with such extremes? Is it just the work that is intense and everyone is drowning in it? Is it overall company culture? Is it her - that although she made it she does not have what it takes to keep going? And the last one is totally alright but important to honestly ask yourself. I consider myself a bright individual but I am just not cut out for high intensity roles and I made my peace with that some years back. That really helped me and I find myself being much more successful in the roles that I can thrive in and itâs great for my confidence, peace of mind, and health. If it is peers or manager she should consistently look for other teams or companies. I donât buy - they have all turned her down. Being in a FANG company there would be literally hundreds of internal teams and easily 20 possible roles that she can move into. Focus more on moving out from the toxic environment. If her manager is abusive, is that something she can take to HR? Can she have a candid conversation with her manager that she is drowning in work, has she started saying no to things and prioritizing? Some people canât say no. Itâs important to work smart as well as hard if you donât want to kill yourself with overwork focusing on low priority stuff that will never move the needle on career progression. She needs to take a break and reflect
This ^
I wouldn't say she's not cut out for it. How long has this been going on? Everyone's career goes through this at some point. Be understanding to her, listen to her and support the decisions she comes to for herself. Being a woman, we take stress slightly differently. Most women I know are more sensitive in general. It could just be a phase
âShe really wants another job, but she's very proud of having "made it" â Well, she canât have it both ways. Either got to live with the stress or got to be ready to switch.
Sure she can! There are plenty of FANG teams with good WLB.
Part of having âmade itâ is realizing that youâve âmade itâ and it doesnât go away just because you go work somewhere else. The value you offer to a company doesnât typically go down when you go to another company for the same role. There are also places you can command the same income and very likely, get more respect and advancement due to being a stronger performer than the average at that company. Work can and should be fulfilling and rewarding but itâs not your whole life, and life is too short to work somewhere that makes you unhappy.
So true!
I donât work at a FANG and cry myself to sleep every night.
There is no guarantee that she will have better bosses in a new job. It is not part of the interview. A$$hole will show when it opens.
I am assuming she works at Amazon, right?
It is almost like this is an anti-Amazon troll setup...