I leetcoded for months and got a TC I never even dreamed of. Improving my career and my life in the process. Has anybody here been able to improve their social life though? If so how? I can’t seem to crack this egg. I have some mental blockers I can’t seem to get over. TC 220 - lcol
What specifically are the symptoms of your social life troubles?
Specifically. I’ve been a people pleaser my entire life. So I generally don’t trust myself enough to let new people in because I’m afraid I’ll be stuck with them and powerless to improve the relationship. (I have no problem exiting relationships though) I have a lot of acquaintances but very rarely make a new friend. It’s even more rare for me to let someone in romantically to the point it almost never happens. My logical brain understands what’s wrong but my dinosaur brain doesn’t give a shit.
Nice to hear your existing relationships are solid (especially if they are meaningful). You clearly did quite a few things right! What happened when you got "stuck" with someone last time?
TC?
220. My fault. Forgot the rules.
Dating or general people skills?
Both, but more amplified with dating.
Put yourself in uncomfortable social situations. Learn to think on your feet. Will take lots and lots of practice. Meet people who are very, very different from you. Do it again and again. Until you can relate with everyone.
Does it ever get fun? I can do this for short bursts of time but can’t sustain it because it takes too much damn energy.
Yeah it does. It’ll give you a lot more confidence too. So it also makes daily life a lot less un-fun.
It’s leetcode or social life but never both. You’ve made your choice 😉
I had social issues way before leetcode. The leetcode life chose me.
That’s fair 😎
8. Spend less time on Reddit (and Blind)
Gender and sexual orientation? It took me 6 months to a year of regular online dating in NYC to completely change my social skills set. It helps that it’s been really easy to get a date. It has improved every social aspect of my life. Before a date I would come up with a solid set of conversation threads and specific question — both generic and based on the person. Asking solid questions + listening + trying to understand. People look for others who “get” them. That plays a huge part in chemistry. Learn to introduce light moments into the interaction too. Share stories. It seems like you’re self aware enough to know that you give up power in relationships. 1) You’re not stuck with anybody... Well at least not until you’re married 2) Have a backbone. People pleasers are not attractive. Not knowing what you want is not attractive. Not standing up for what you want is not attractive. If you’re a hereto male, you may or may not find out that women would ask you to choose on their behalf many times. Saying, “whatever you prefer” is not attractive. Rank your choices in a meaningful for you way, stand up for what you want and be able to compromise, drive consensus, avoid conflict, and resolve conflict. I’m not saying to follow what PUAs say, I personally don’t, but I did dissect it before I came up with my own “game” and I think you should too. https://www.pualingo.com/compliance-test/ The Mystery Method is an amazing book IMO. I got it with my very first audible credit. Also this https://youtu.be/llKvV8_T95M “When we’re surrounded by people who believe what we believe, something remarkable happens. Trust emerges.” — By not being assertive with what you believe, you are depriving yourself from the possibility of finding others who believe what you believe and forming real bonds + trust.
Thank you for the the response, that video was enlightening
You ever heard of cold approach? Get a dating coach - it will change how you perceive other humans.
I’ve never heard of that but I’ll look into it.
A good therapist that will challenge you (and not just listen to your endless rambling) can be a form a social LC.
Use your money to buy a girlfriend who will teach you.