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Everything seems great with this guy, except basic attraction. What to do? My friends say it’s no big deal
I've been dating my girlfriend for about three years. We've never discussed TC, though I suspect I make 5-10x more than her, based on our respective fields. She insists on splitting costs 50/50, but this feels unfair to me. Should I tell her my TC to convince her to let me pick up more of the costs of vacations/dinners/shows? Have you told your gf/bf/partner how much you make? How did it go? Update 2021: we live together now and we're both in our mid twenties Update 2022: We are engaged! I asked her if she wanted to know my TC, and she said she didn't.
I'm sure everyone here is wondering how lucky you are. Well, TC or GeddiFlunkout
Not jealous of your TC, but envious of how smart + hardworking you must be to work at JS. Props!!
Your bonus was more than your base?
I recently faced the exact scenario, I make probably 3-4x more than my bf. We don't live together yet but we mostly split joint expenses like dinners (or entertainment back when that was a thing) and he'll often try to do the gentlemanly thing and cover more. I was not sure if I should tell him my TC or how to bring it up but the stimulus check gave me an opening. He was like "did you get your check yet?" And I was like "well....the thing is I'm not eligible" and it opened up the conversation. It was good to get it off my chest and so far it hasn't seemed to impact our relationship negatively. I think if you see things being long term w/ your gf and you want to start off on the right foot for an open, functioning relationship you should probably tell her eventually. But maybe you can use some situation or event to make it easier to bring up the subject. Just my two cents tho, good luck!
Thanks. Was he surprised? Did he seem happy for you or jealous?
He was surprised. He knew I made more than him but he just didn't know by how much. It didn't make him jealous as far as I know but maybe it's motivating him to be more ambitious in his work so the gap isn't so large? Either way he still tries to pay for dinner but he doesn't complain so hard when I cover it lol
I’ve talked to my gf about it as we’ve been very transparent on where we want the relationship to go, and we emphasize communication on all things. She knows how much I make, I know how much she makes (I’m about 5x more than her) but she also knows I come from nothing. I always support her on interview prep, etc when she is trying to scale up her TC. My future net worth is also all tied in stocks/crypto so nothing is guaranteed. She doesn’t know any of my passwords either for obvious reasons 👍
you should share passwords so you can be fully transparent.
With us as well
Before ur gf. We need to know ur tc.
You need to first tell us your TC. Then we’ll tell you if your gf needs to know :)
OP wrote in comments 200k base 275k bonus
Thanks
Absolutely not. Trust me. You gain nothing by doing this
Did you try something similar? What happened?
Disagree. I think financial transparency is important if OP wants to go long term (which he has indicated).
Why did u have to tell your tc to the car sales guy?
He was just going through my credit application and confirming the info.
If your roommate was earning 10 times less than you, would you pay 10 time more rent than your roommate? Depends on how serious your relationship is.
I make 6x my roommate and pay 40% more because he's my friend and can't afford the place otherwise
You are a gem of a person
OP minding sharing yoe and years at JS? As for actual question, it may be worth having a broader conversation about how you both see each other contributing to the relationship. Merely saying that you're willing to pay more due to making more can accidentally skew the dynamics in your relationship. What if your gf knows (she probably at least suspects) you make a lot more than her, but the 50/50 play is to make sure you both feel like she isn't mooching or to make sure she feels like she has equal say in decisions made wrt money in your relationship? Also you don't have to tell her how much you make to offer to pay a greater percentage of costs if these other things aren't problems. I don't see a huge downside in telling her exactly if you want, but if you were specifically concerned about her knowing details, then you can offer a percentage thing without referencing your exact income.
I remember reading somewhere new grads get 200k base so he might be that
2.5 yoe, all at JS. "What if your gf knows (she probably at least suspects) you make a lot more than her, but the 50/50 play is to make sure you both feel like she isn't mooching or to make sure she feels like she has equal say in decisions made wrt money in your relationship?" I think this is more or less how she thinks about it. She obviously knows that I make more, but presumably doesn't realize quite how big the difference is. She has had says several times that she doesn't want to mooch off of me. But I feel like if I only pay 50% of the cost then I'm actually mooching off her! It's especially tricky because I have more expensive preferences than her. She mentioned that when she gets dinner with friends, they go to places that are $10-$15 a person, whereas I often eat at places that are $50 a person.
If you envision a long term future with her, tell her. If not, then dont
Yeah, I'm hoping we'll be together long term. Thanks.
Let her bring it up first. Don't hand it like candy