I've been struggling with this conflict for months now. I'm in Amazon Seattle and currently on a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who lives in the Bay Area. We're serious and sure we're going to stay together and get married in a couple of years. I'm up for a promotion soon from SDE 1 to SDE 2. Manager says in 1 or 2 quarters. I'm really hungry for this promotion too. However I'd promised that I'd move early this year. And now I'm having second thoughts because moving will mean I might have to wait 1-1.5 years before getting promoted in a new team and I'll be frustrated waiting that long. On the other hand if I choose to stay, it'll probably be around a year until I internally transfer and move. What would you do? Would you sacrifice a promotion to make your partner happy?
promote then transfer...to a different company maybe. amazon sde 2 is hot anyway, despite how news is picturing you guys.
Folks from Amazon who transferred.. How long did it take for you to be up for promotion again? Is your previous team's work considered at all or is it a reset?
Do you have a side fling?
It would take a year max. But you can transfer immediately once the promo goes through.
Get your promotion and then transfer. Considering that you're only talking a year here..I would honestly wonder why your partner would be happy with you making a decision to set your career back. I know some might say it's not that serious since you just seem to be starting out, but if you're up for the promotion soon why erase all of your work? I'd say get the promotion and then transfer/switch companies and relocate.
Thanks for your suggestion. He's not entirely happy with my career being affected either but he thinks a delay in promotion is now won't make too much of a difference in the long run. And he's just really unhappy being apart. Long distance has been harder on him than me.
If he's unhappy being apart, has the discussion come up for him to move to Seattle, even temporary until you get your promo?
If you move it doesn’t mean you aren’t ambitious. Whenever there are 2 careers you both need to balance your relationship goals with your career goals. No reason to give up either. However if you find you are always the one compromising your career then I’d rethink the relationship.
Get the promotion. Neither you nor your BF know what the future holds in terms of jobs, promotions, location, etc. You don’t want the dynamic in the relationship that you are going to compromise your career for him - that is not a healthy foundation. Be careful. BTW - why is he not moving to Seattle? Successful long term relationships can survive the stress of distance and busy careers. SF-Seattle is not that bad a separation. I did for 4 years. Also think about what would happen if the relationship ended - you passed on the promotion - and you are in SF and now single/alone. How would you feel in this situation? While I certainly wish you both success, the reality is that 50% of marriages in the US do not last long. In terms of non-marital relationships, probably 80%+ of one’s that supposedly will last forever do not. Why will yours be different? Overall - is this really a now decision or can you wait? Can you obtain your promotion, give the relationship some more time, and have more information from which to make a significant life decision? With all sincerity - best wishes with your personal/professional life.
Exactly my thoughts! 🙂👍🏻
Exactly go for the promotion. I think it's strange that he doesn't think it's a big deal for you to lose out on this promotion. He definitely would not miss his chance for one.
I think 'holding on to the boyfriend' is more in your control than 'getting promoted at someone's company/team' - your manager could join Google next month, your VP might decide this work you do is not a priority, maybe they don't fund your promotion, maybe you dislike your work because of some new principal... If you think he's likely to be the one, just go live in that city you both choose, life is short, true love is hard to find, you'll cherish this forever, decades down the line it won't matter if you were L4 or L5 or L6 in 2019, but the fact that you held on to the right man will make all the difference in your life. Think about the happy moments you remember from the last 5 years of your life. Would life be any different if you had ended college with 3.6 instead of a 3.8 ? Do it for your own happiness, not just to make the partner happy.
👏🙌
👏👏👏👏
You can always find another boyfriend
He's the one. My real dilemma is I'm okay losing some time living together in favor of a promotion.
how long are you two in a relationship? it takes compromise. if he can't take LDR, then he isnt worth it.
2 years in a relationship. Known each other for 3.5 years.
well, you said either way, you'll have to wait 1yr for any promotion anywhere. it still buys you time if this guy really is the one. Distance is a great test for a relationship.. patience, trust, loyalty, compromise
only you can decided. ask yourself this. If your life wss shortened to tomorrow what would you regret in life.
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Talk to him. Personally, I wouldn’t worry too much about the job. This single thing that you do for him will take you very long in your relationship. Bragging rights are underrated.
Thank you. I'm inclined towards moving too. I've always been ambitious and it's letting go of that streak that's turning out to be hard. Since I'm torn about this, I don't want to regret the decision or resent it later on.
You're being ambitious towards your relationship. Your streak is actually continuing.