What to do if you little by little lose respect for your father?
I have been traveling for many years and once every year I go home to meet my family. The more time I spend with my father the less I respect him. It’s mostly small things that bother me, like he never stops for an orange light even though I told him many times that I dislike that. He gets angry at strangers and starts arguing for things that a man with more confidence would just be able to let go. He often complains at service people even though they haven’t done anything wrong. Today, a car drove in the wrong direction in a parking lot and since my dad wasn’t looking that way, he almost backed into that car. Sure, the other guy is at fault here. But you could clearly see that the dude in the other car was a fucking degenerate piece of trash. My dad REFUSED to drive back into the parking to give way for this idiot. Just let it go man... Instead he gets out of the car and they start arguing. It escalated and I had to go out and calm them down while my mom is in the car. Why put her in that situation when he knows that she hates confrontation? I’ve been in situations like this many times now... I’ve been a professional fighter so I don’t get riled up or scared - I just lose respect for men that can’t keep their cool. The more I spend time with him the smaller of a man he becomes in my eyes. HE IS MY HERO, he has always been! I want to keep that image of him. He gave up all his dreams and sold everything he had to get us out of our home country that was in war 30 years ago. Then he started over from nothing to support us. Is this just how fathers and older generations are? I really want to get to know this old man better, hear his stories, take him out fishing on the oceans... But I rather keep the hero image I have of him. I’m thinking of canceling my visit home early and just go to Germany for a month.
Every family has one or other issues. Dont abandon them. They need you
You do know it is legal and normal to drive through a yellow light
And if you slam your breaks just because it turned yellow, you're a piece of shit
Not in Sweden where I am. Yellow = red, unless it’s a danger for anyone behind you to stop. The reason I don’t like when he does this is because when I was a child we were hit by a truck from the side and even though we were lucky to not get any serious injuries, I remember the picture of my sister being covered in blood. The truck anticipated that his side would turn green so he didn’t care to stop - while my dad didn’t care to stop for a yellow light that was about to turn red. And my uncle died the same way a few years ago.
The older they get the more childish they get.
As you get older the small conflicts start getting to you more and more. Help your old man get some perspective, his life must have been hard and maybe he feels like he hasn't been given back all that he sacrificed.
Thanks 🙏
These are petty things and if this defines the larger than life role your father played in your life then honestly you don't deserve him. I am not kidding. People from that generation have a different view on life. You will probably realize if you have your own kids that are growing older. You will have a very different view compared to them and believe me or not, but they will also see things like these in you that they won't like. Do you want to teach them to abandon you?
You are right 🙏
Looks like you want an angel and not your father. Imagine what your dad felt like when you were little and pooped in your diaper. Some folks attach too much importance to themselves and think that everyone should live their lives the way he is thinking. Its a form of OCD.
He is an annoying angel. Everyone should avoid unnecessary confrontation. Note that I’m saying UNNECESSARY confrontation. If it was a confrontation about defending my family, I would myself step in. But why create anger and hate when you can just smile and love? Anger in confrontation comes from fear and uncertainty. Calmness comes from confidence and control.
You’re being a child. He is human and therefore flawed. You’re not his boss. How selfish are you that you’d punish the person who gave up so much for you because they don’t do things the way you like. Grow the fuck up.
I keep it for myself as much as I can. I just feel sad to see someone I look up to so much, act like an insecure 20 year-old. But as a lot of people said, it’s old age perhaps, best to laugh it off.
Getting angry or being rude is probably a sign of him being stressed out or upset. 1. Do you know whether he’s even like that when you aren’t around? He could feel constantly judged around you and takes it out on others 2. Someone could also say that you too should be able to let little things go. It’s hypocritical to judge him for also being upset at little things. 3. Have you offered to drive? And if he doesn’t want you to can you drive separately? Just because you’re paranoid about things that happened doesn’t mean you get to tell a grown man how to drive, especially if he’s driving within the law. 4. It isn’t about keeping it in. It’s realizing that you don’t get to control him. If any of these are true deal breakers you can choose not to be around him or to excuse yourself when something bothers you. 5. You need to realize that he will most likely never change any of these behaviors. If he does bonus. Your only choice is whether you want to change your judgements or not.
Haha... This is just old age. I have witnessed this and many other kinds of things that is typical of 65+ people. Assume them to be kids except with the ego of an adult. I just laugh it off (especially when I share it with my siblings, cousins and sometimes even them)
Haha this is good advice, thank you!
Same. Also want to add that he can still be your hero with all his flaws. Don't idolize an image. Another aside, I talk to him about this stuff once we get home and we're both feeling calm. Do try that instead of speaking about it right away as that would feel like a confrontation to him and he'd get defensive.
Dude my dad's the same. It gets worse the older he gets. I'm now actually scared to go out in public with him. At the end of the day, he's my dad and I'll be there to support him but I won't stay with him for more than 2 weeks in year haha. Move away from them for a bit, lol.
Haha thanks! I’ll go and give the old man a hug now :) I guess I just have to keep enduring it with a smile.
My father was an alcoholic and domestic violence was common in my home. So if what you explained above is true, nothing much to bother. He might be stressed so just talk to him. Do visit your parents once a year. I made this mistake and I'm telling you from experience. Domestic issues come and go but time doesn't come back ever
Why visit if he suffers from alcoholism and violence? Or has he changed?
If he died, op, wouldn’t you wish you visited him one more time?